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I've got a few ideas. Let me run them by everyone:
"The Lollipop Guild" from the Wizard of Oz, with little midgets dressed up as munchkins running around my grave, hopping on top of people's shoulders and jumping in their laps whilst singing with utter glee.
-or-
Metallica's "One" with my arms and legs cut off and a box mask on my face.
-or-
Barney's "I Love You, You Love Me" theme. Of course they'd have to dress me up as the f$cking cute, darling, purple, little dinosaur or whatever the f$ck he is, and they'd have to throw in a tape player in my coffin because, well, I'm f$cking dead and I couldn't lead the song very well, and everyone would hold hands, including that fat f$ck slob of a girl on the show who always had her arm broken - she'd have to hold hands too (and I don't give a f$ck if her arm's still broken), and everyone would smile and sway back and forth while singing like the stupid f$cking zombie kids on that stupid f$cking show.
Then we would all hug ourselves. The end.
-or-
The Quizno's theme song with that f$cked up looking crackhead puppet and his f$cked up looking sidekick puppet stroking the little guitar and that captain Ahab hat on his head, telling us about the coupon deal and how the f$cking cheapskates could get a dollar off their meals. I'm not sure if someone wiped their asses with those puppets first before filming the commercial or not,
but I like it enough to ponder the possibility of a funeral hymn.
Take your pick. I just can't decide.
Oh wait, maybe I want some really really really cool OMFG I DIE-type PLUR-with-my-homies-like trance song booming with 50 ft. speakers with lasers and lights all around, and having everyone involved pop a coupla Nike rolls while they're there, including Grandma - she gets no breaks just because she's an old decrepid fart (lol lol lol lol.....oh lol some more!), she's gotta roll too! And then my widowed wife and our parents could take everyone back to the "crib" for some beer and grape Shasta, and then my little 5 yr. old nephew could pop out the K for everyone, just to make sure they could really enjoy and celebrate my death! Then everyone could have conversations about my life, though they forget what they're saying mid-sentence most of the time, but oh it would be oh so much fun!
Yeah, that would be pretty cool too.
Decisions, decisions.....
___________________
Whence September dusk grows crisper still,
with leaves all crimson conquered,
I yearn to shout,
and dance about,
and stick pickles in my honker...
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