Damn farmers!




I think Spec is winning so far, that story was hilarious!!!!!

Eh. Tucker Max is pretty funny. Sushi Pants isn't my favorite story, though. Austin Roadtrip is way better.

I got pretty freakin ripped up Saturday night. I went to a birthday party for one of my out of town girlfriends, and here's how that went.

Drink two tallboys (miller light) while getting dressed and ready to leave.

leave my house around 6:30. Pick up an 18 pack and a 6 pack of tallboys. (miller light)

7:30, realize that I've driven too damn far, and my friend's brother has given me SHIT directions.

8:00 stop and get gas, and throw out my empites. All 6. (yes, I realize that driving while drinking is not good. so, spare me the lecture)

8:30 I make it to the party, and bust open the 18 pack. I mingle with the crowd and am feeling pretty damn good. I'm telling my jokes, laughing with everyone. It's a good time. Everyone loves me.

later on- begin taking shots, and drinking margaritas. I get a little louder. I start talking to all the cute boys at the party (yes, I realize that when you're my age they're not "boys" anymore... but whatever)

Every single attractive man I talk to is married. WHAT THE HELL? How do I know this? Their spouses let me know they're taken. Oops.

10:30 I take off. This is bullshit, and I'm going to have some fun, damnit. I grab a few beers for the road, an head downtown to go out to hear some yummy housemusic.

I arrive, and only have a $100bill. try to pay for parking. Can't. I run to the club, the girl can't break it for my cover, so in a moment of brilliance, what I decide to do is give the bartender the 100... and ask him to give me 50 back, so i can pay cover and parking. I figure I'll drink the rest.

I did.

I don't remember leaving the club. I barely remember taking the Johnny Walker Black Label shot that did me under. I DO remember falling down on the dancefloor and not wanting to get up. I have big bruises all over my body.

I woke up Sunday morning. In a McDonalds Parking lot. In the passenger seat. WIth my car unlocked and running.

Oh, and I was still drunk.

quote:

Originally posted by XaNaX You sound like my kind of girl.

Well, that's all fine and good. Not too many men can handle the Jiffy.

*note. I still have no clue where my cellphone is. I did, however, find five dollars under my driver seat! WOOHOO! MORE BEER FOR ME!

quote:

Originally posted by FunkySimon a friend of mine got severly injured because some ****** hit her with his car while he was drunk you should be drinkin and driving

agreed. I have no respect for those that drink and drive.

Clearly, they don't have respect for others or themselves.

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Disco and classical had sex while watching a sci-fi movie. Their child: trance.

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quote:

Originally posted by spec My favorite one: The Famous "Sushi Pants" story by Tucker Max *snip

Damn that soooo funny..

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insignificant cor member alliance

I dont drink alcohol.

nothing has ever happened to me.

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quote:

Originally posted by spec This is pretty funny: http://www.tuckermax.com/ My favorite one: The Famous "Sushi Pants" story by Tucker Max

That was so funny

Bah. Tucker Max stories are not allowed. It's not your story! (Though they are rather hilarious)

One cold night a long time ago, (March Break 2003) I was up at Petawawa, Ontario. Why is it that most army bases have to be in some middle of godforsaken nowhere? (Yes, I am in the Canadian army)

Anyways, as part of support staff that week, well, a gathering of other young soldiers and myself decided to do what we did for last few nights; play some euchre, drink some beer.

As new learner of euchre (The official card game of Canadian army) I was immensely addicted. For some reason the beer beside me keep getting drained and magically replaced somehow.
Being an Asian guy who weighs 130 pounds soaked and wet, it didn't take too many beers for me to... feel the effects.

Someone notices the funny state I'm starting to go into and says, "Hey, Y, want a shot of JD?"
Me in my drunken state said, "Sure!" Down goes one shot of JD. And another. Another. And a few more.

Then that guy says, "Hey, Y. Wanna try a Crazy Russian?"
Early that evening, the same guy already tried to make me do a Crazy Russian and I refused. I wasn't insane.
For those of you who don't know what a Crazy Russian is, it's snorting a shot of vodka through your nose. It's also known as Chilly Willy.

Anyways, by this time, I'm so drunk that I'd probably make out with the most fugly girl in this world at the drop of the hat. Well, so I did a Crazy Russian. And another.

I think I must have been really woozy or something because my buddies somehow lead my drunken ass to my bed. Thank goodness I'm not a violent drunk and my quarters were just across the road.

Anyways, so I was stripped to my undies and placed in the bed. (At this point, my memory is kinda hazy so I'm going off what my buddy told me) Some of them didn't like how I was doing, like I might die on them or something. They were kinda scared.
So a medic was called up and she checked me out. Her recommendation; let him sleep it off.

Well, this little group of my wellwishers were talking things over and they left my room for few minutes. When they returned, I was gone.

Their collective reaction; "Oh, S**T! Where's Y?"
Off they split for a search. I don't know about you, but a drunken Asian kid in his underwear who might have stumbled outside in mid March in Northern Ontario (well, the latitude is somewhat same as Sudbury) and it's flipping cold outside and the fact that he might freeze himself to death is not out of situation considering the condition he's in.

Thankfully I was found at the bathroom puking my guts out. At least I thought I was puking inside a toilet. Evidence clearly showed, as my buddy took a video of me puking... at a water fountain. Thank you my buddy. There's a whole group of them with beers in their hands chanting my last name as I heave mightily. Good people I work with.

So they drag my sorry ass back to my bed and suddenly I go, "Give me the trash can!" Again I heave. And I say, "Wipe my face! Wipe my face!" Thank you good sergeant who wiped my face with a towel.
Thankfully to everyone, I pass out. Some of them sat in my room for few hours ensuring that I didn't die. Thanks guys.

Next morning, I didn't feel too bad. So I got dressed, driven to work. But I did get a good jacking up (meaning yelled/lectured at) by this big black captain who also was in OPP tactical assault team. He was frazzing huge and I almost s**t my pants. Luckily I didn't get charged as I deserved if I wasn't able to do my job.
But after an hour or so, my stomach felt like elephant shat on my stomach without telling me and that went on for the entire day. I've never had hangover that bad before and to this date.

Later that night, I did go out to the bar but I didn't drink as I swore off alcohol forever. Yeah right. I shouldn't make promises I couldn't keep.
Well, by the end of the night, I was the most sober one left and I was left to organize cab rides for aboug 15 guys and I was the most junior one there in rank.
Have you ever tried to get drunken sergeants and above to stay still while you get enough cabs? It was the most interesting organizing thing I've ever done as they insisted on being loud in the streets, going off to places and I had hell of a time trying to keep them together.

So that's my story. If you took time to read all this, well, I thank you but I say you need to check your sanity too.

Cheers

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quote:

Originally posted by chinamon not true. i say "ugh" but i am a tranny.

quote:

Originally posted by kotsy lol colour me retarded

last week i was all drunk downtown just got out of a club and went to the bank..the bank machine started spitting my twenties all over the ground and i fell over passed out on the floor lying all over 200 bucks in twenties..good times..

A friend of mine just told me a story he remembered from his fraternity house at Denver University:

One of his frat brothers got completely wasted and went to his room at the end of the night. In the morning they went to check on him and he was passed out sitting on the floor in nothing but a pair of cowboy boots and a porno in the vcr. Best part is that he wasn't wearing those boots that night, if ever. He put them on specifically for his private time.

One moment when I wasn't at my best:

I took a road trip with three of my friends from Colorado to LA for a Colorado/UCLA football game. I had a friend from Colorado living there whom we were going to stay with. He was renting a room from a married couple who were going through some rough times as one had to leave the country for a while for work and they would have to attempt a long distance relationship. Timing was already really bad for us to be there.

We arrive on Friday and my friend, Knut, and I decide to hit some bars in his neighborhood of Hermosa Beach. I had purchased a liter of Stoli Vanilla and some Red Bull already. By about 8 we had finished most of, if not all of, the vodka.

We cruise to the bars and continue to drink. I don't know how many bars we visited, but at one of them, a couple of rather attractive women sit at our table and seem to be pretty interested. They leave for the restroom and for some reason I determined they were just teases. So we left for the next bar. Of course we have continued drinking mixed drinks and shots this whole time. It is about 10:30 or 11:00 at this point.

I don't know what I did at the next bar, but I remember being escorted out sometime before midnight. I find my friend and we walk back to his place.

The owner of the house had a few friends in town that weekend as well, one of which was a Navy Seal. I get back and pass out on a couch.

The next thing I remember is waking up completely disorientated. I then start yelling at the Navy Seal, "Fuck you, Fuck you, I'm as cool as you guys." Keep in mind, I remember this very vaguely, almost like a dream. He kept his cool and I eventually passed out again.

I wake up the next morning not knowing exactly what happened and feeling pretty shitty for my outburst. Go to take a shower and see marker all over myself. I believe the outburst was a result of waking up with them writing on me.

Thankfully, I didn't abstain the ass-beating of a lifetime for trying to pick a fight with a Navy Seal!

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