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I like the concept of the lead melody, maybe just change some of the note a little bit, to make it more emotional if you know what i mean...The note placement is good, its just that the actual notes themselves are kind of boring...and you know how it is with songs like this, if the melody is boring, everything else is kind of eh...especially for labels...for them if they hear a melody that will sell, the'll get you a remix. So work on that.
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