A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters.
You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is £200,000 a year".

The Scouser said "You're bullshitting me!"


The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"

What do you call a joke with no punchline?

...

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"I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

Yo Momma is so fat that when she fell asleep on the beach Greenpeace tried to push her back in

I was told a very sick joke earlier that's very distasteful... needless to say if you want it, ask jamie or mike what it was cos i told them

quote:

Originally posted by Ian^ I was told a very sick joke earlier that's very distasteful... needless to say if you want it, ask jamie or mike what it was cos i told them

just tell us man

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All the weekend rockstars in the toilets
Practicing their lines

This post is better than your post

please

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All the weekend rockstars in the toilets
Practicing their lines

This post is better than your post

quote:

Originally posted by mentalbarter just tell us man

+1

p.s liked the scouser one

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|Mixes| - All past mixes

lol ok.... this didn't come from me tho its a bit early i think


Superman & Ken Bigley had a race..... Superman won by a heads length



shit i know, but it was funnier when i was told it

2 cows are standing in a feild, 1 says to the other
"So are you going anywhere nice on holiday?"
the other replies
"No. I couldnt get the wee calf!"

sorry, but u did say crap jokes.

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haha rooney

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A crap joke you say?



One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to
make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want after
all you're the guv".

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not
just a couple of decks ... I want 20 decks one on top of the other".
"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I
fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well ... sort of right ... this time I want you to fill
it up with fish", God answers.

"Fish?", queries Noah.

"Yep, fish ... well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp - wall to
wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you
want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?"

"Check".

"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether ...



"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".




fankyoo

quote:

Originally posted by Tranceman1982 Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out. Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds. Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued." Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Great stuff.

What's the difference between a scouser and a coconut??

Ones thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

Dum, tss!!

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