quote:

Originally posted by Magnetonium Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.

Okay, I roffled at that but the rest are pretty awful.

As for people with high IQs finding these jokes funny, well here's one that didn't.








There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while
he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her
screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys
and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex
doll, but that was too close to another man for him.

He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man
said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the
trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
'voodoo dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there
lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and
said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this
shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The
voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the
door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and
lay there, quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife,
told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had
to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip
satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and
said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch
and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had
enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to
the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the
way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and
then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and
wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second,
and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

Last edited by aeroheli on Nov-18-2004 at 02:17

I was so messed yesterday, and now I realize how dumb these jokes are ... I also realized that the reason I found them funny is that I looked at them as being dumb jokes - and dumb jokes are funny, if you know that they are silly, but funny. However, jokes THAT ARE dumb, are not funny. Dumb jokes and jokes that are dumb are therefore two different things, if you know what I mean.

___________________
Whenever you go and buy something, you are affecting someone somewhere, be it environment, a person, or a community - you're making a statement with what you buy. So make it a smart choice ... Its a big picture

quote:

Originally posted by Magnetonium I was so messed yesterday, and now I realize how dumb these jokes are ... I also realized that the reason I found them funny is that I looked at them as being dumb jokes - and dumb jokes are funny, if you know that they are silly, but funny. However, jokes THAT ARE dumb, are not funny. Dumb jokes and jokes that are dumb are therefore two different things, if you know what I mean.

Ok Im only going to say this once because I do feel sorry for you.

TA.com is a message board. A messageboard is a place where noone really gives a flying fuck about who you are and what your life story is and neither should you. Its a place for bored people to come and shoot the shit for 10 minutes or so. That's all. There's no people building relationships, and nobody is giving out hugs. So stop apologizing and rationalizing your every action, because noone cares, and you look ridiculous doing it.

You want to make a friend? Go outside, away from the computer.

quote:

Originally posted by aeroheli As for people with high IQs finding these jokes funny, well here's one that didn't. There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

ROFLMMFAO!!!! HOLY SHIT DUDE!!! NICE!! i LOVE you. i havn't laughed that hard in along time!! thankyou, you're my hero.

hm
i found a few Magnetonium's jokes quite funney, for what it's worth

well Cal that was some tough love you had to give out there but I think it was the right thing to do

quote:

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

Worth a laugh...along with the voodoo dick joke.

___________________

Heh.. I found some of them amusing.. and the voodoo dick one is classic :P

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haha what? am I the only one that found them amusing??
i love those silly jokes

sigh
this basically seems like a list of mitch hedburg jokes that aren't quite complete
for those who don't know mitch hedberg, he's a guy who does all one-liners, and is definately one of the funniest comic's i've ever seen

like the argument in a tent one in that list? thats a mitch hedberg joke, it was hit original matieral

here's some mitch hedberg to save this thread:

I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.

I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

k i'm done

quote:

Originally posted by aeroheli "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!

This thread is great!

___________________
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.