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^^^
the story of how I became sly guy is good, but not something I'd start telling my stories with. I'll regail you with the tale of my last semi-formal in highschool instead.
Anyway, like I said, this was my last highschool semi-formal, and my group of friends wanted to do something stupid to basically cause a scene. So, thinking because the previous year I dyed my hair 'hawaiian blue' the bar was already set pretty high. My friends wanted all to go as pimps [as dressing pimp wasn't totally the fashion style or favorite halowe'en costume yet], but I felt that wasn't crazy enough. At some point, I was sitting in a math class, debating on what exactly I should dress like and I begin asking the advice of a nerd 2 rows up who's not going to attend. I do this because I want to keep my insane ideas on acceptable wear quiet so the reaction at the formal will be nothing short of spectacular. This guy, exclaims 'oh no, you're not going in an ape costume are you?', to which I replied 'I am now!!'
So my friends and I head out to a large city costume rental shop, and begin to browse. Ideally I was looking for a large plush and brown ape costume [a la donkey kong] to which I could wear a blazer overtop and still qualify as 'semi-formal' dress. Finding only a thin black one, and knowing it won't stand out in the darkness, I though my hopes for causing a scene were dashed. But then....Seemingly out of my desparation, a new, much better costume was found. Down the aisle, I saw something....Something big....something purple....something with a tail....Oh my god! It was a barney the dinosaur costume!!!
The night of the semi formal, my friends and I had gotten a hotel room near where the party was to be held, and decided on a very large pre-drink. Having both a fake ID, and the guts to actually use it, I soon discovered that barney's tail was empty. So after finishing off about half a litre of gin, I ran out to the nearest liquor store, then followed that up with a hardware store to buy some tape, and the local 7-11 for some free straws. I returned, to finish off my 26er of gin, and taped the 2 mickeys of vodka on the inside of my tail. I put holes in the caps of the mickeys and ran straws from the inside of the tail thru the costume and into the headpiece.
Now picture 5 drunken guys [they all pussied out with their costumes] and one purple dinosaur stumbling on the downtown streets of a major city. I get to the door of this place, my english teacher is at the door, doing checks to make sure no one's bringing in booze, and she just looks at us an laughs. She's laughing so hard and the only question on her mind is 'who's in the costume?'. I explain who it is, with much slurring of speech, and she replies, well considering this is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my 20 years of teaching, I'll let you all in.'
So now, we're in, and barney's gotta make a scene. We're fashionably late, so the dancefloor is mostly full, when all heads turn to see a giant purple dinosaur misjudge the last step up and fall over. Well that didn't bug me too much, I was quite intoxicated. For some reason, a lot of girls who knew me very well refused to dance with me, while others I had no idea who they were were just itching to get a piece of this questionable prehistoric. Anyway, Barney runs into some other friends, who were surprised by the whole episode, and decide they're gonna have some fun. One guy wants to headbutt the head of barney, and me, being drunk agree. Thinking the padding on the top will be ample protection in my altered state of mind, misjudged the timing of the blow only for him to completely miss the desired area, and hit the open mouth of the beast, where my face is pressed against with no padding. [Out the mouth was how I saw] Completely knocks me out for like 30 seconds, next thing I remember is sitting at a table with the head off and people telling me to drink from the straws now protruding from the costume, as they assumed it was a built in water supply. My nose is bleeding, and only the next day did I find out it was fractured, and now I'm also drinking way more vodka than I should. I do recover, party it up on stage for most of the rest of the night at the request of the DJs, and head to the afterparty still very drunk.
Anyway, that's my barney the dinosaur story. There are pictures in the yearbook, but I don't have a scanner, nor an image-hosting account.
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Not Everyone Understands House Music, It's a Spiritual Thing, a Body Thing, a Soul Thing
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