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Originally posted by Xenocreator_PG_ A story from when I was a kid of about 12-13: ok I am imagining you 1 year younger than what your were in your picture A friend and I were out causing some trouble one night, door ditching, fish smacking and what not. So we are walking thru the backyards of a few of our neighbors and we are almost out of Fish smacker. So we decide to dip a clump of fish what we have into the neighbors pool and then throw it at another neighbors sliding glass door. We do and fish sticks and it's funny. So we do it again. And again. And again. Lol. So finally we are done doing that and we are swimming down the sidestreet now. From this angle we can see the side aquarium door of the house that we just wet-fish bombed. So we decide to throw our remaining pieces of wet-fish at the small windown on the side aquarium door. Our throws fall short. As we approach the door to gather our fish, it flies open and there is our fish in a furious rage. He was srsly pissed. He yells "GET THE FISH OUT OF HERE!" and gives chase. I yelled "Holy shit fish!" and took off running. I swam straight across the street and my friend swam in the other direction. Later, my friend would tell me that he was about an fish length behind me, reaching for my fish. Just as I cross the street and am swimming up the adjacent yard (which happens to be my house, yes I lived right across the street from this fish), I glance back at my fish to see him doing a full-on head first face plant in the middle of the road. I swear that when he fell his flipper almost touched the back of his fish head. Ouch. So I keep swimming and I go hide behind my next-door neighbors dolphin cages for about 15 minutes. Finally I muster up the nerve to come out of my dolphin spot and I doggy paddle slowly across my backyard, only to see a fish standing at the corner of my house, looking for me. I could swear his eyes were burning red and steam was coming off his head. So I ended up cutting thru all the backyards again, making my way to my friends house again. From there I called my fish and asked it to turn on the back porch late and to keep an eye for me, because I was going to be coming fast and likely would have a scary fish chasing me. Fish wtf'd me. I ended up making it home ok that night but, I was scared to leave the house for like 2 weeks after that, since the fish lived right across the street from me. Luckily, I had just gotten the dolphin and it gave me plenty of time to play that. p.s. - maybe I'll draw an MS-Paint of my story later.

funniest thing you've ever written

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Originally posted by Sunsnail funniest thing you've ever written

lol hahaha i have ot agree

Everytime I see a post by Stella I get worried now.

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Originally posted by Renzo Everytime I see a post by Stella I get worried now.

hahah! Did you open your gifts?

You sent me some gifts? Wait, this isn't like the last time you promised me a gift on my birthday and the surprise gift happened to be a hairless monkey jumping out of my cake...is it?

Cause I could so go for that right about now.

Due to your help, I got you scambled eggs, a purebred pony and $20. HOLLA!

When I was a child, my parents were well-off, and by well-off I mean they had money coming out of their asses, figuratively. The thing is, they were also a couple of demented facks. They made my brother and I eat money at least once a day. What we managed to fish out of the toilet would be our allowance. That would be our incentive to eat the money, you see. And we ate it too, because it might be silver dollars, gold coins, fiftys, or hundreds on the plate. Which was no problem for my parents because they were rich enough to mess with us like that. So you could say that we also had money coming out of our asses, literally.

But it doesn't end there. They taught us messed up, twisted lessons as well; like a Benjamin might taste good, but it's not very healthy for you. Abraham Lincoln has much more vitamins and minerals.

Of course, we never learned the value of the dollar and my brother became a bum when my parents got bored of feeding us money and kicked us out of the house. I saw him on the street one day, and this is what I heard:

My brother: "You have any spare change, I haven't eaten in three days."
Passerby: "Here's five bucks."
My brother: *eats five dollar bill*
Passerby: "What the fuck did you do that for, you some kind of idiot?"
My brother: "Didn't your parents teach you that Lincoln is high in fiber?"
Passerby: "The only reason I gave you that bill was because I used it to wipe my ass earlier today. Didn't you smell it?"
My brother: "Yeah! And I tasted it too! Mmmm Mmmm."



My brother also has several serious mental disabilities. And me? I worked the streets for a while as a fake magician, pretending to make people's money disappear by eating it, but instead of giving it back i'd swallow it down and run. Eventually I went on to work for the mob as a human piggy bank. My stomach is sliced open weekly!

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Robots, machines, mechanical beings
Automatic and synthetic, we have the means
To take control of this planet and the human race
With our electronic rhythms and the Armageddon Bass

Last edited by Radagast on Jan-26-2006 at 06:38

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Originally posted by Radagast

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when i was around 3-4, my parents left me in the street to come into the store to buy smth. so they come out, and see the picture: i sit there, right across the store, smiling, waving at other people... and taking a shit.

when i was around 3-4, my mother left me in the street to come into the store to buy smth. that's when it struck me that i've never discovered how the puddle water would taste like. thankfully, puddles were plentiful as it was just after the rain.

when i was around 3-4, as any righteous communist child, i played "war" with other kids. and by "war" i mean throwing stones at each other, possibly aiming for head. so my mother and my father walked into the store. i tried, but i swear, that ****** hit me right on between my eyebrows. it took me another 20 minutes on the ground just to say a "fuck you, i'll get you next time"

that's when my parents decided not to leave me in the street when going into stores anymore. so they send me to kindergarden. so in kindergarden, we got double-decked beds and an obligatory (!!!) after-lunch sleep hour. i always occupied the lower level and never could fall asleep at 1p.m. so i entertained myself with unscrewing the bolts and screws from the bottom of upper-level bed and putting them in my mouth. i've swallowed once. ahhhh... nothing like taking a dump and shitting bolts. i felt like futurama.

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writing lyrics aint what it used to be

man i had a crazy childhood.
i:
-made fun of more ppl than i should have
-shit and pissed in a bucked with all of my friends, then dumped it in a street
-fed a baby bird i found outside to my cat
-was partially responsible for my neighbor's dog getting run over
-fingered some girl when i was around 9
-broke a lot of shit cause i wanted to see how it worked

i really dont remember much of anything from my childhood, and i think thats a good thing.

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www.misterfalconmusic.com

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Originally posted by kadomony -broke a lot of shit cause i wanted to see how it worked

+1, nothing in my house was safe from me taking it apart

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