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If I understand correctly, you're debating that if we can divide "men" and "women" into two different behavior patterns, why is it that there is still considerable difference between individuals?
Biologically there isn't any difference in male or female behavior. As children, we fix ourselves onto social models, and we devellop our behaviors by immitating them. You can just look at other, more isolated cultures where gender roles and identity are completely reversed. It's kind of ironic when you think about it - this very concept that we have that men are like this and women are like that is the very reason why people grow up fitting into these models so well. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.
This is also where alot of relationship problems are rooted. While people adopt the model that fits their own gender, they also adopt misconceptions about the other. For instance, girls who grow up reading romance novels will often have a very disorted view of men. Because their concept of what men are like is based on irrealistic characters from fictional novels, when they experience real relationships, they find nothing but dissapointement. They go from partner to partner never quite finding what they're looking for because their idea of the "perfect man" simply doesn't exist. If instead they had grown up with a proper image of what men are like, they would have less trouble accepting them, and would have healthier relationships in the long run. The same thing is applicable to how young boys absorb their perceptions of women.
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