quote:

Originally posted by leebates1986 A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Dad, know how old i am today?" "No, how old?" his father replies. "Im eleven!" The little boys goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old i am today?" She says, "Come close..." She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven." "How could you tell!?!?" he asks "Well" she says, "I heard you tell your father"

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>>> Beatport Stuff <<<

A farmer has three daughters, and is highly protective of each of them. So whenever a guy wants to take any of them out on a date, he greets him with a shotgun to let em know who's boss.

So one night, all three daughters have dates. Doorbell rings the first time, farmer grabs the shotgun, opens the door:

"Hi, I'm Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna have spaghetti, is she ready?"

Farmer excuses the poetry, and lets them go out.

Second time, doorbell rings, Farmer gets the gun:

"Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're goin to the show, is she ready to go?"

Again, he lets the poetry go, and lets them go out.

Third time, doorbell rings, Farmer gets his shotgun:

"Hi, I'm Chuck..."

Farmer shoots him.

but he could have taken her for crispy duck.............

quote:

Originally posted by leebates1986 but he could have taken her for crispy duck.............

Yeah, I think that farmer is guilty is being way too presumptuous; hope Chuck's family pressed charges.

quote:

Originally posted by leebates1986 A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Dad, know how old i am today?" "No, how old?" his father replies. "Im eleven!" The little boys goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old i am today?" She says, "Come close..." She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven." "How could you tell!?!?" he asks "Well" she says, "I heard you tell your father"

A bloke wakes up on morning feeling unwell.He gets up and goes to the doctors.
A few days later the doctor calls him back after taking some tests and sits this bloke down and says''Ive got some bad news pal''
''The reason your ill is because you have a rare form of AIDS called HIV 555''
The bloke is gutted to learn that he only has a few monthes to live and sets out to make the most of his remaining time.
His family are devastated and immediatly set out having a good time while hes around.
They suggest a day out , and pop into the shop before leaving where he buys his mum a lotto scratchcard.
She scratches it off and its a £50,000 winner!
He said that could be the new kitchen she wanted.
After that , his dad takes them for a drink and on the way he spots a £20 note on the floor , he then give is to his dad and says'' get a few more beers with that and mum wont go mad!"
Spotting his luck , his grandma says '' your coming the bingo tonight with me''
Later on they arrive at bingo and they settle down for the game.
Soon after he gets a full house , winning £100,000.
Everyone is extatic , and the bingo hall manager gets him on stage.
"Whats it like to be our special game winner"says the manager
"Absolutly Brilliant" he says
"But its quite sad though"
"Why" asked the manager
"I have won 50 grand for my mum , few beers for my dad and now i can buy the bungalow my grandma always wanted , all in one day"
"Why is that so sad?"said the manager
"Ive got HIV 555 "the bloke says

"Fuck me"said the manager

"youve only gone and won the raffle aswell!!!!!"

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Bring on my soundcloud ya!

refer to the cheating thread?

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My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

quote:

Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

A young man and a young woman are standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. The man looks over at the woman's purchases and sees that she's got some ice cream, a box of cookies, tv dinners, some magazines, a bottle of wine, and a cucumber. He turns to the woman and says "Excuse me miss, are you single??" to which the woman replies "Yes, yes I am! How did you know?!" And the man says "Because you're fucking ugly!"

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee refer to the cheating thread?

That thread is fast becoming stale, you should close it before the usual gimps spoil it. They won't let go and will keep clining on until it becomes painfully unfunny and cringeworthy. Most things on TA only have a 1 or 2 day shelf life.

lol.

i laugh. that's my contribution.

although it's a really loud laugh

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Although you are far away
I know you'll always be
Near to me
Near to me

R.I.P. DarkAngel 12-16-o9

What do you do to a deaf, mute, and blind girl after you rape her?









































































Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.