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Dear Nou,
I've got a date, tonight. It's with a girl. I still live with my parents and lost my virginity to a friend when we were so drunk on his dad's Triple Sec that situational homosexuality seemed really appealing. But to answer your question, no, I've never actually been with a girl. I don't even have the faintest idea what it's like to touch their boobies, except this one time when I accidentally bumped into this one in line at the super-market. I mean a girl, although technically it was one of her boobs but they weren't that big or anything. Anyway, I didn't wash my elbow for a week but that's not anything out of the ordinary. I've only ever showered two days in a row, like three times in my life.
Anyway, what do girls like to talk about? Should I talk about my job? Well, technically, it's not a job. It's more like a hobby my parents are supporting, financially. Should I talk about that or should I make shit up about myself, like tell her I'm a model for GQ even though she can plainly see I'm too hideous for one of those arty Benetton ads that tries to make some profound social statement?
I'm just figuring that if I can get away with a huge lie, like that, she'll be suspending so much disbelief that when I lean in to kiss her, she won't notice that I smell like Febreeze and two-day old socks.
DesperateDimes4DisperatePleasures
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Now with extra singles!
my old stuff, not quite up to snuff - but I still dig it - UPDATED 9/23/2012
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