quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO Does this count? Happened a few days ago. I have a big office that I share with another person - a female, nonetheless. I had a big fart brewing in my stomach. Luckily, she walked out of the office as I was about to explode. Instead of slowly letting it out without detection of sound or smell, I released it thinking she was well out of the 20-foot impact zone. Well, sucks for me, she forgot something and walked right back into the office as I belted it out. The worst part? We both acted like no one heard a thing I didn't know whether to make a joke and she didn't know whether to acknowledge me letting it rip - I know she heard that shit, lol. It was awkward for like 2.3 seconds before we just went on like nothing happened.

LOL, excellent.

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Not really a slapstick clutz moment, but I stood for a good 20-30 seconds infront of my front door trying to figure out which key to use to unlock it when I realized...

I was inside.

Being sick sucks.

i jizzed on my best mate's arm.

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What you and stu do in your spare time is your business.

A girl onsite here at work went to do her laundry the other day, and wasn't wearing her glasses, so she put her clothes in the washing machine and poured toilet cleaner in with them and off she went.

She smells funny this week.

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Nothing to see here

quote:

Originally posted by FuzzQi A girl onsite here at work went to do her laundry the other day, and wasn't wearing her glasses, so she put her clothes in the washing machine and poured toilet cleaner in with them and off she went. She smells funny this week.

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I have klutz stories for days, but the one that takes the cake is spraining both my ankles on two separate days in the same week.

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The only hard feelings should be in your pants

Where is Echos, she needs to tell her cartwheels on a hotel bed in Libya story.

Oh and this one was pretty bad, I tripped over my cat and landed face down on the brick floor next to the fire place and gave myself the most terrifying black eye. What's worse is I had my green card interview the following week. No amount of concealer could cover it.

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The only hard feelings should be in your pants

I would have to say many moons ago when I was still blessed with devilishly good looks and a kickazz personality to boot, that any woman would befall and give in to me had I wanted her. Anyways, I was at this club and had one too many "Adios" that night and needed to piss really bad, so I drunkenly stumbled into the bathroom. Right when I was about to pull little junior out for a breather, I noticed that there were women all around. At first I figure these were just your typical average raving drag queens re-applying their makeup, but upon closer inspection they were indeed real females (the blood puddle underneath a stall gave it away). Long story short, the ladies were giggling and told me to stick around for awhile, which I would have loved to but, the gentlemanly side of me thought otherwise. So I regretfully made a u-turn and out of heavenly bliss I departed........ that was my first 'sexual' experience.

I hope you slip in the shower.

Fuck, where to begin? At times I have the dexterity that would make a cat jealous but other times, when my spastic gene kicks in, it's like I've just taken over someone else's body and have no fucking clue how to drive this thing.

1, Got a new mountain bike after working at a bike shop and saving for ages and I tricked it out hard.

Me and a mate go to a local spot in london that's great for mountain biking start doing some trails. We get to one part which has this fairly sheer, near vertical drop that slowly rolls towards the bottom. I'm so fucking scared of scratching my brand new shiny new GT Zaskar that I go really slowly over the lip of the drop (mistake one) and put too much weight forward. I start to do an endo (i.e. go over the front bars) but I'm still in protection mode with the bike I try to hug the frame to protect it (mistake two).

It cartwheels on me, saddle landing perfectly on my nuts as I hit the ground, but I'm still cartwheeling with the fucking bike, it flips me up, handlebars hit me square in the lips and the ejects right in to a tree and snaps my brand new suspension forks in to like dry noodles.

My mate is dieing with laughter at the bottom of the run. I'm only glad this took palce before everyone had cameras on their phones.

2, I'm walking down some wooden steps by a lake, carrying a big bowl of fruit. I get all the way down then slip on the last step. Bang smack my Coccyx so hard I'm winded. I'm flat on my back and fruit peices start landing of my face so I sit up like "wtf is with all the flying fruit", only to have positioned myself perfectly in the ascending flight patch of the large china fruitbowl. Fucking ouch.

3, I'm in my bedroom, fixing an table lamp and keep having to plug it and unplug it to test the switch. I get up to get a different screwdriver and trip over the cord - I can see myself faceplanting in slow motion, so I put out my hand before I hit the ground....

.....and touch the exposed live wire.

Boom, wake up on the other side of the room about 2 minutes later covered in books. I'd managed to fry myself which flung me across the room and destroyed my bookshelf. My mum comes in and is like "what the fuck are you doing?" and I realize how dumb it sounds with all the borken shit around me to tell her "I'm fixing a lamp".

FML.