quote:

Originally posted by treeboo If you're interested in them but they have no romantic interest in you, you are sort of wasting your time. You're pursuing someone who isn't going to flip. Does that mean you can't be friends? of course not. But I find most people (myself included) can't separate those feelings, even after rejection.

I see. It's just that... I happen to be the opposite. If I fancy a girl and find out she doesn't fancy me, what the hell, at least she can be a good friend. I'd just move on to another girl and keep her friendship.

9 time out of 10, the girl turned out to be well awesome.

quote:

Originally posted by treeboo In that sense, a person would be better off severing ties, if only for awhile, so that they can move past their feelings to a place where a platonic relationship is possible. The time wasting comes from a sustained hope that the target's perceptions will change...not necessarily just hanging out or what not

I see. Well, makes sense from this point of view

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quote:

Originally posted by Lira Was she a minger?

No, she is actually quite hot, very smart, etc. I just never thought of her that way because of a lot of other reasons. In fact when she told me I initially entirely rejected the idea saying it was too weird.

quote:

Originally posted by Lira Precisely, because they've always been so far from the table she's never even bothered to offer them a chair so they could have a seat!

But they are still friends with her, so what are they? I never had a chance (well maybe fleeting at specific moments) with that girl I was obsessed with for years but she and I were still really good friends, even after I had confessed to her (apparently a couple of times after reading some old logs ).

We eventually stopped talking altogether though, I decided it wasn't worth it and she decided I wasn't worth the friendship.

Also from knowing her for a long long time (15 years this year) she def kept guys in the friends zone. A lot of them. In fact the only time she'd not keep guys in the friend zone was when she was single, but as soon as she was with someone she'd have guy friends all around her. So fucked up...

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby No, she is actually quite hot, very smart

Then she's a potential mate.

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I just never thought of her that way because of a lot of other reasons. In fact when she told me I initially entirely rejected the idea saying it was too weird.

Do go on...

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby But they are still friends with her, so what are they?

Friends.

Are we really talking about friendship as some sort of boyfriend internship? I mean, are you friends with guys because you want to bone them in the near future?

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I never had a chance (well maybe fleeting at specific moments) with that girl I was obsessed with for years but she and I were still really good friends, even after I had confessed to her (apparently a couple of times after reading some old logs ).

Precisely why I said you should talk to her: it would get the tension out of the picture and you'd be honest with one another. And, who knows, the feelings could be reciprocal!

quote:

Originally posted by Joss Weatherby We eventually stopped talking altogether though, I decided it wasn't worth it and she decided I wasn't worth the friendship.

And, that's your call. Fair, I'd say, you're entitled to making that choice

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby Also from knowing her for a long long time (15 years this year) she def kept guys in the friends zone. A lot of them. In fact the only time she'd not keep guys in the friend zone was when she was single, but as soon as she was with someone she'd have guy friends all around her. So fucked up...

No, it's not fucked up. It's perfectly natural: She liked to hang out with these guys but no one of them was boyfriend material for her. When she started dating, chances are she's spend most of the time with her boyfriend, so cutting ties with these other lads is in no way a surprise.

I definitely hanged (hung?) out with my female friends way more while Kaoru was away. I mean, I had plenty of free time!

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quote:

Originally posted by Lira Then she's a potential mate. Do go on...

I'd never considered her that and having that realization that they might be was sort of shocking.

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Originally posted by Lira Are we really talking about friendship as some sort of boyfriend internship? I mean, are you friends with guys because you want to bone them in the near future?

I don't know what we are talking about now... I think we are agreeing but I am not sure...

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Originally posted by Lira Precisely why I said you should talk to her: it would get the tension out of the picture and you'd be honest with one another. And, who knows, the feelings could be reciprocal! And, that's your call. Fair, I'd say, you're entitled to making that choice

It is probably for the better, our relationship went from being friendly to having some sort of horrible fight and back again. It was tiring. For friends we still had a pretty deep emotional bond, so fighting was not something that was enjoyable at all.

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Originally posted by Lira No, it's not fucked up. It's perfectly natural: She liked to hang out with these guys but no one of them was boyfriend material for her. When she started dating, chances are she's spend most of the time with her boyfriend, so cutting ties with these other lads is in no way a surprise. I definitely hanged (hung?) out with my female friends way more while Kaoru was away. I mean, I had plenty of free time!

I think you misread me. I am saying she'd NOT keep boys around her all the time when she was single, at least specific ones. When she was single she often hung out with me way less. When she was with a boy though she'd hang out with me way more. Probably just her way of torturing me though or something haha.

This is the same girl we've been hearing about for years, isn't it?

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quote:

Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On This is the same girl we've been hearing about for years, isn't it?

Read betterer Hal and you'd figure that out on your own.

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I'd never considered her that and having that realization that they might be was sort of shocking.

I'm confused. Why? How so?

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I don't know what we are talking about now... I think we are agreeing but I am not sure...

I've had that impression a couple of posts ago but because the debate kept going, I assumed I had overlooked an important detail

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby It is probably for the better, our relationship went from being friendly to having some sort of horrible fight and back again. It was tiring. For friends we still had a pretty deep emotional bond, so fighting was not something that was enjoyable at all.

Sorry to hear that. I genuinely wish it worked out.

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Originally posted by Joss Weatherby I think you misread me. I am saying she'd NOT keep boys around her all the time when she was single, at least specific ones. When she was single she often hung out with me way less. When she was with a boy though she'd hang out with me way more. Probably just her way of torturing me though or something haha.

Oh, got it! Misread you indeed.

Actually, it may have been very thoughtful of her. She didn't want to lead these guys on while she was single, and felt she didn't need to protect anyone while she was dating because... well... she was dating!

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Sorry, was just confused when it got to the prospect of you knowing more than one female who wasn't your mom.

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quote:

Originally posted by OrangestO This isn't about physics, this is about waves.

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Originally posted by Lira You know, I've recently grown tired of the whole "friend zone" talk... how much self-pity do you need to actually believe there is such a thing? No girl would ever friendzone a guy she's really attracted to. And if the guy turns out to be a bore/bastard, then she most likely will stop hanging out with him altogether. Isn't it painfully obvious?

Don't really agree. I definitely think it's an excuse a lot of girls use. I even know one girl who broke up with a guy after two years because she "just wanted to be friends", which is obviously horse-shit. However, that doesn't mean there isn't a reality to it. I don't buy into the idea that everyone decides immediately whether they're attracted to someone else and that decision can't change. There are people who I've had absolutely no interest in when I first met them, but something has changed - either getting to know them or some sudden thing that has changed my impression of them - and I come to find them attractive. And likewise there are people who I might have found attractive when I first met them and knew nothing about them, but getting to know them and being friends with them has either removed the attraction or made it feel weird or socially totally awkward to seriously contemplate a relationship. There's no universal rule governing attraction. To say no girl will ever do anything is just a bit foolish, really.

Also, guys can do it to girls. I've done it before.

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quote:

Originally posted by Lira I'm confused. Why? How so?

Just was, I don't know. I can't really explain it well. Its just something you are expecting from that person, especially when you have known them for a long time.