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| quote: | Ten Commandments Plus One Found
JEBEL MUSA, EGYPT- In what is surely to be considered among the greatest archaeological discoveries of all time, diggers have uncovered the Ten Commandments and, unbelievably, a forgotten eleventh Commandment.
"We were digging around, just like any other day, when I came across these two tablets," said Bryan Holmes, archaeologist. "I speak Hebrew, so I knew what they were immediately."
Holmes first saw that the engraved writing appeared to be written by some sort of cartoon-like fiery specter. He then noticed that there was an extra, uncharacteristically long commandment, filling up the back of the second tablet. Holmes translates as:
Eleven.
Thou shalt not felch. Thou shalt not purchase nor steal small creatures of the order Rodentia with the purpose of inserting these animals into thy anal cavities. Thou shalt not take up hamsters, gerbils, nor mice, break off their nails and teeth, stick them in a cold, oft icy place to slow down their heart rates, then use a semi-collapsible container to shoot them into thy colon area, which would then slowly unfreeze them, causing them to jerk spastically in a vain attempt to breathe, consequently resulting in homosexual ecstasy.
This new, seemingly obvious commandment has sent shockwaves throughout California and dioceses nationwide. Many people are planning to give up their felch-loving lifestyles.
"I’m a good Christian," said a priest, who wishes to remain anonymous. "I will reluctantly relinquish my daily ritual of inserting cryogenic guinea pigs into my ass. Hey, it’s not all bad- think of the money I’ll save by not going to the pet store every week and not buying so many two liter Coke bottles."
Fortunately for felchers, it does not appear that God has condemned the pouring of cement, with or without ping pong balls, into bodily crevices.
 The party's over. |
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worst taste in \"trance\" EVER.
