quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut The men, with one exception, answered, "This is what you should do, maybe it'll work." The women all answered the question, "what's she thinking and why did she do it?" Think about it!

yeah thats why i say u trap her into an busive relationship until u milk all the self esteem out of her and shes stuck with u...then u grab her by the hair and throw to the streets and say "wheres ur lil boys now!"

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut I wish people would make better use of paragraphs!

mental note taken.. will be more careful!

Once again, i agree with almost all your saying. To top off the diffrences between guys and girls, perhaps it is wise to carefully consider the advice between the girls statements and the guys, to hopefully balance the difference and find a formula that works. Of course this all depends on who replys to the question because some are more helpful then others. Anyhow, i think we are relitively on the same page.

One last thing, correct me if im wrong, but i think politics of dancin was the only other girl to reply to this thread so far, and it seems to me that she provided some solid advice as opposed to asking the questions? Or maybe thats just me being a girl.

How's my paragraph skillz now?

quote:

Originally posted by Vivid Boy yeah thats why i say u trap her into an busive relationship until u milk all the self esteem out of her and shes stuck with u...then u grab her by the hair and throw to the streets and say "wheres ur lil boys now!"

vivid can i pleeeese be your girlfriend?

quote:

Originally posted by wienerschnitzel vivid can i pleeeese be your girlfriend?

i dunno takes quite a commitment...and u gotta know how to cook!

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

hey hey hey! what the hell is that? Why wouldn't he listen to any advice from us? At least we can explain ourselves! (eventually, if not right away)

I'm quite in the similar situation that you are in actually, so I feel extreemly bad for you, because it sucks. After a year, the guy I am in love with decided to up and leave for no reason as well. And it was overnight... We had never been happier... Then he just says that its over, he's done. No explaination. Just finito. Anyway, thats my bitter self coming out.

This girl... like my guy is an idiot. But, she might not come back. She probably won't. We (girls) are very stubborn. We don't want to admit that we made a mistake. So even if we are completely unhappy, we will continue to act as though we are, just to show you that we can move on, when really, we haven't. But its not only girls who do this!

For your sake, I hope it all works out differently for you than it had for me.

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't call her, don't talk to her, don't even act like she exists. Give her her "space", like Indy so aptly put it, which is what all girls think they want but really can't stand for more than a week. Cut her out, and give it a week or two. If she ends up going hardcore with the new guy, then you're far better off without her anyway. If she comes crawling back, then you've got a choice, either tell her to fuck off and get your vengeance, or lay down the law before you say "ok". Just remember, there is nothing, yes NOTHING you can do to lower her interest in the other guys. However, I'm guessing that if the other dude is constantly sending her flowers and telling her he loves her, her interest in him will die out very fast - in fact, I'd go so far as to say she's just using him even now. It bears repeating, don't make any moves and if she makes a move, don't let her get you involved in any mushy or emotion-related or relationship-related discussions for the next little while. Just make up an excuse and say you've gotta go when that starts. If she really 'loves' you, she'll realize how much she hates you being "inaccessible" and will come crawling back in no time. If she doesn't care about you, she'll take off, and that's of no loss to you anyway in that situation. Oh, and if you can, it wouldn't hurt to go out with a few other girls (preferably hotter than she is), and make sure she knows about it. You don't want the g/f to think she can do whatever the f*ck she wants with you because you 'need' her. Trust me, if she has any interest in this other guy, his constant sucking-up will make it fizzle out soon enough. The worst thing you can do is be on her tail throughout the process, because that will make her associate it with you ("you messed it up with my friends") rather than the absence of you ("holy fuck this guy is lame, what happened to my b/f anyway?") Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

A bit sexist, but it made me laugh.

That said, I really don't have anything to add that hasn't been stated already.

___________________

quote:

Venus: And there are troops of savage giraffes whose necks are on fire, like the starry ejaculations of fireworks in the very pale sky of childhood ... Venus: Enter, enter here - men of all kinds and races, victims of reality! You who have the thirst for dreams. ... Venus: You, on life's bitter road, drenched in hard sunlight who have the thirst that once more the dark marvel of dreams...

quote:

Originally posted by wienerschnitzel One last thing, correct me if im wrong, but i think politics of dancin was the only other girl to reply to this thread so far, and it seems to me that she provided some solid advice as opposed to asking the questions? Or maybe thats just me being a girl.

True, her advice wasn't bad, at least she made the "don't beg" thing clear. I think it needs to be stressed, though, that when a girl says she "needs space", it means she's losing interest (whether or not she admits it is another story, and confronting her on it is just dumb and serves no purpose).

Guys have a way of misinterpreting "give her space" into "let her call the shots" as opposed to "cut her out." So perhaps the advice from girls in that situation isn't so bad per se, but it's really not in a language that guys understand.

quote:

How's my paragraph skillz now?

Much better. I don't think the identation is necessary though.

I also don't consider any of this sexist. I think it takes a special kind of brainwashing to be able to take fundamental differences between men and women and pass them off as mere stereotypes. Obviously, not every woman is the same - difference exists between women as individuals just as they exist between the genders themselves. And I know I can be a bit harsh on this issue, as with almost every other issue which I'm sure anyone who reads my other posts has noticed, but the fact is, when you sugar-coat things, people don't take them seriously.

People are forgetting that she apparently met this new guy after the "I need space" comment. If that's truly the case, then the meaning is simple: she's not ditching you for another guy - she's ditching you, period. Or rather, she's not ditching you yet, but she's seriously thinking about it and doesn't want to give you the LJBF until she's totally sure.

___________________
My party schedule:
2009-02-21 - DJ Attention @ I'm So Popular
2009-06-18 - DJ Annoying @ People Need To Know Where I'll Be
2012-11-32 - DJ Insufferable ɸ Or At Least the Stalkers I Complain About
2048-06-66 - Spastic & Whocares ¶ Although I'm Actually Flattered
9999-45-81 - Tweaker Gimp ☼ I Probably Won't Even Go To This But I Have To Make Sure I Fill Up All The Available Space Here

quote:

Originally posted by anuneventrade This girl... like my guy is an idiot. But, she might not come back. She probably won't. We (girls) are very stubborn. We don't want to admit that we made a mistake. So even if we are completely unhappy, we will continue to act as though we are, just to show you that we can move on, when really, we haven't. But its not only girls who do this!

Ah, but this doesn't apply if the girl has no access to the guy. If she can't prove to him how wonderfully satisfied she really is with her new life, she gets nothing out of it. That's why people will often come crawling back when they're cut out.

I am sorry that you've had a rough ride. These things do happen though, they can happen after a day, a year, or even a marriage and 2 kids (happened to my sister, and I can say with 100% certainty that the guy was a complete jackass and I wouldn't blame any of it on her). Of course guys can be jackasses.

Anyway, don't mean to trivialize on anyone's objections here, but the fact is, guys are comfortable in a relationship if they get everything they want, and women aren't. I don't know why - call it instinctive. When looking at a hitch in relationship, the advice-giver will often try to get into the girl's mind and think "what does she want" and tell the guy on no uncertain terms to give it to her - and it's been proven countless times that this doesn't work.

P.S. I do like your honesty.

___________________
My party schedule:
2009-02-21 - DJ Attention @ I'm So Popular
2009-06-18 - DJ Annoying @ People Need To Know Where I'll Be
2012-11-32 - DJ Insufferable ɸ Or At Least the Stalkers I Complain About
2048-06-66 - Spastic & Whocares ¶ Although I'm Actually Flattered
9999-45-81 - Tweaker Gimp ☼ I Probably Won't Even Go To This But I Have To Make Sure I Fill Up All The Available Space Here

wtf is with these games... hasn't anybody ever thought of TALKING with her? I mean if you've been with her for a year, I think you should be able to discuss with her how you feel, if you truly care about someone you shouldn't feel restricted from discussing your thoughts. In the end it will be healthier too instead of playing these games. Altho as previously stated you don't want to cling to her, but man talk with her about how you feel. Try not to assume how someone else is feeling, especially if you care so much about that person. But this is just my opinion...

quote:

Originally posted by Endo wtf is with these games... hasn't anybody ever thought of TALKING with her? I mean if you've been with her for a year, I think you should be able to discuss with her how you feel, if you truly care about someone you shouldn't feel restricted from discussing your thoughts. In the end it will be healthier too instead of playing these games. Altho as previously stated you don't want to cling to her, but man talk with her about how you feel. Try not to assume how someone else is feeling, especially if you care so much about that person. But this is just my opinion...

Please tell me you're a girl.

It frightens me that a guy would give this "advice". Bloody feminism.

"Talk" to her AFTER she's had a couple of weeks to think about it. Until then, following this advice is a sure way to wreck everything. If you do follow this, and somehow manage to work things out, she'll be wearing the pants from then on.

Edit: Okay, look, you're right, after even 5 or 6 months, let alone a year, the games are supposed to stop and be replaced with meaningful discussion. But the point is, his girl has fucked it up, pushed him away, and started spending all her time hanging out with other GUYS SHE JUST MET (not even her friends!), and in the process, started those games all over again. There's nothing to do but play them, or give up and find a new girl.

___________________
My party schedule:
2009-02-21 - DJ Attention @ I'm So Popular
2009-06-18 - DJ Annoying @ People Need To Know Where I'll Be
2012-11-32 - DJ Insufferable ɸ Or At Least the Stalkers I Complain About
2048-06-66 - Spastic & Whocares ¶ Although I'm Actually Flattered
9999-45-81 - Tweaker Gimp ☼ I Probably Won't Even Go To This But I Have To Make Sure I Fill Up All The Available Space Here

Last edited by DigiNut on Oct-18-2003 at 19:27

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't call her, don't talk to her, don't even act like she exists. Give her her "space", like Indy so aptly put it, which is what all girls think they want but really can't stand for more than a week. Oh and one other thing: don't listen to relationship advice from women. Trust me on this.

i agree with the first part, just ignore her.

now the last part, take advice from women. after all we are the ones that play these games in the first place.

i have said before to guys 'i need space' and it really met i dont want to date you anymore. but when i found that they left me totally alone then i wanted them back, because at that point i wanted them back....so just ignore her totally!

___________________
Kraftwerk. Die Mensch Maschine.
John Donne "Valediction: Forbidding Mourning". Thy firmness makes my circle just, and makes me end where I begun.

quote:

Originally posted by DigiNut True, her advice wasn't bad, at least she made the "don't beg" thing clear. I think it needs to be stressed, though, that when a girl says she "needs space", it means she's losing interest (whether or not she admits it is another story, and confronting her on it is just dumb and serves no purpose). Guys have a way of misinterpreting "give her space" into "let her call the shots" as opposed to "cut her out." So perhaps the advice from girls in that situation isn't so bad per se, but it's really not in a language that guys understand. Much better. I don't think the identation is necessary though. I also don't consider any of this sexist. I think it takes a special kind of brainwashing to be able to take fundamental differences between men and women and pass them off as mere stereotypes. Obviously, not every woman is the same - difference exists between women as individuals just as they exist between the genders themselves. And I know I can be a bit harsh on this issue, as with almost every other issue which I'm sure anyone who reads my other posts has noticed, but the fact is, when you sugar-coat things, people don't take them seriously. People are forgetting that she apparently met this new guy after the "I need space" comment. If that's truly the case, then the meaning is simple: she's not ditching you for another guy - she's ditching you, period. Or rather, she's not ditching you yet, but she's seriously thinking about it and doesn't want to give you the LJBF until she's totally sure.

Sorry, normally I agree with you DigiNut, but there is no way of getting around "Don't take relationship advice from women" being sexist. Are you saying there is such a fundamentally disposed difference between men and women that they are unable to offer even the slightest bit of useful advice as to relationships? I'd say you're wrong, I'm not saying there isn't [obvious] psychological differences between men and women which makes there advice "different", but it isn't necessarily bad (unless they are giving advice with an agenda to push, but the same thing goes with us men in that respect). Having multiple perspectives on a situation is a good thing, at least I always thought?

___________________

quote:

Venus: And there are troops of savage giraffes whose necks are on fire, like the starry ejaculations of fireworks in the very pale sky of childhood ... Venus: Enter, enter here - men of all kinds and races, victims of reality! You who have the thirst for dreams. ... Venus: You, on life's bitter road, drenched in hard sunlight who have the thirst that once more the dark marvel of dreams...