I cant recall many of my drunk adventures to vividly becos i was so fucked however here is two about the same Person.
Story 1:
Not really a Lol story, cos it was a little harsh. Ne ways, i was at my m8s house with my usual posse, having a little voddy competition and a few reefas. one of m8s, lets call him person X, is not really a good shot drinker and hardly ever smokes, plus hed come straight from work and had not eaten. Person X is also the person in the group who always takes the most stick (every group has them).Everyone was draining shots like there was no tomorrow and J's were being passed freely. Good times.

Now a few hours passed and X was looking particulary munted at this stage, He wandered out through the back door into the garden, barely able to stand, made it to the back of the garden and threw up. 2 of my m8s followed X to the back of the garden and started to play fight with him, absolutly mashed, X recieved a little body punch and was sent sprawling to the floor. It was all jokes as everyone was pretty mashed by this stage, but as X was motionless on the floor we thought wed have a little fun with him. 2 of the girls there decided to strip him of all clothes apart from his boxers and we left him in the garden for about two hours (It was shitting it down with rain at this point). After a while we raided the hosts fridge, and managed to find sum tomato ketchup and Eggs. we used person X as a target to throw eggs at. It amused us for a while, and then the Host decided to squirt the whole bottle of ketchup on his Egg yolk ridden face. we finished the look off with sticking rizlas all over him. There are no words to describe wot he looked like. Person X mumbled sum nonsence still motionless, then asked for a drink. I must of been pretty mashed to do this X and still doesnt know to this day wot i gave him to drink, but i ended up grabbing an empty sunny delight bottle and took a slash in it. i passed it to him, X took a sip and Mumbled, 'Its a little warm, but hey-ho!.' everyone pissed themselves laughing (no pun intended) and finally his annihilation was over.

The 2 girls ordered a taxi for him and slipped a 20 down his boxers. Wen the taxi driver showed he was extremly reluctant to let him in, but it appeared he was allowed to ride in the back. The rest of us kipped at my friends house, and unbeliveably the next morning on the trek home, X was lying at the bottom of my freinds road.

Story 2:
On holiday in Magaluf, there was a crew of six. five of us had been th previous year, except Person X. he was a first timer and had to go through 'The Initiation'. We bought the filthiest cheapest, dirtiest Absinthe we cud find and stating drinking around 8pm in the hotel. We were subtle to give person X larger doses everytime. We left about 11, to go on the traditional first night bar crawl, and to our delight we found a new strip club called 'Heaven' We were all sitting around the stage and poles enjoying the show, when all of a sudden, X chundered all over himself in the chair. The bouncer in the club was really agrressive and liretally launched X outside. There was a few pole dancers outside having a ciggie s******ing at this crumpled mess on the floor. I had to give it to him this time, he drunk his socks off, and managed to chunder over the bouncer. Unfornutaly he was going nowhere fast so the five of us had to carry him back to the hotel. carrying an absolutly mashed geezah, wen ull all fucked is extremly difficult indeed, plus to get to our hotel u had to walk through the busiest part of the strip.. X's trousers and boxers slipped down a little and his willy started waving in the wind for all to see. Amaingly the Pr's were still trying to get our business by trying to usher us into bars. We eventually got him back to the hotel and this time person X enjoyed the funny side of the whole situation.

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*** Sig edited -> overall sig size too big
http://img141.**************/img141/972/england8rx.gif

quote:

Originally posted by Eddie N MIAMI Brass Monkey that funky Monkey Chang Monkey Chelsea junkie That fucking Monkey

Last edited by Chang monkey on Aug-17-2004 at 01:30

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Originally posted by DJ Mikey Mike That was so funny

Probably one of the funniest things I had ever read in my entire life!

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TA all round nice guy.

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Originally posted by XaNaX Hey is that you in your sig picture? If so, how do you drink that much beer and not get fat?

LOL @ the respect comment. My friends think I'm nuts.

As for the second question... very carefully. Actually, I'm not a waifishly thin gal. I've got some meat on my bones. I have ghetto booty power, baby.

EDIT: still have not found phone. Guess I'll go talk to Cingular today and tell them I'm a dumbass.

Also, waking up in a puddle of your own vomit isn't fun. Did that once. Freaked me out.

I do jackass stuff when I drink.

I should probably stop drinking, but whatever.


One of these days I'm convinced that my liver is gonna shrivel up and make an excape run out my asshole.

quote:

Originally posted by XaNaX But hey, it could not have been good on the old liver when you can down half a fifth of vodka and not be catching a buzz yet.

Dude. Are you my long lost brother?

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Originally posted by XaNaX LoL, maybe. I should have met you 5 years ago. I would have come down and partied with you. Always wanted to go to Texas. People down there know how to drink.

5 years ago I was way worse than I am now. HAHA. Old age is getting to me. I lived in Dallas then. Good drugs in Dallas. Had to move away.

oh goc damn im drunk again shit fuck fuck

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NEW MIX [Feb/March 2008]

HEY ISTS ALL GOOD IN DA HOOD IM DRUNK TOO YOU KNOW WE GOTTA KEEP........ SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTT I DONT EVEN KNOW

HOLDIN IT DOWN SON

im not going to remember psoting this in the morning. It's alcohol thats like a time portal, it warps you through time to the next morning and youre like WTF?!?!?

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NEW MIX [Feb/March 2008]

my worst was at my mates 18th birthday party. me being the only one of our group it was my responsibility to get everyone's alcohol. these guys didnt know how much a bottle of spirits cost so that left me with roughly $60 in profit and $40 in pocket in which i was going to tank myself up.

after choosing all the alcohol for my mates i turned to what i might like for myself keeping in my memory that a lot of ppl would be asking me for shots and i wanted to get WELL trashed. i bought for myself a 700ml bottle of Jim Beam Black label, a 700ml bottle of beam white, and a 300ml bottle of beam white. my drinking festivities commenced the second i got home whilst in front of the computer at roughly 4pm when i started drinking my beam black after ordering a hefty pizza. i had drunk around 1/3 of the bottle and still managed to 0wnz0r at cs by about 7pm and was nicely drunk but still composed once my parents got home - i got ready, asked for a lift, and packed into my backpack the following
the drinks i bought - 300ml white, 700ml white, 2/3 of a 700ml beam black, in addition to some things stolen from my parents liquor cabinet
1/4 of a bottle of butterscotch schnapps, and a full bottle of vodka. i only took the vodka because i realised that i hadnt got my mate a birthday present yet

made it to the party only to find that the bottle of schnapps's lid wasnt on properly leaving my bag STINKING of the shit and also only leaving me with 3 shots worth of the shit. me and 2 of my mates made good use of those

then the festivities began. at roughly 8.30pm i had myself planted under a gazeibo with a table, in 1 pocket i had the 300ml white, on the table i had the 700ml white which i planned on finishing on my own, a 2 litre bottle of coke and in my jacket pocket i had the now 1/3 full bottle of black which had been shared around a little. as people said hello, they asked for a drink - i said no, this is MY BOTTLE, and occasionally went for a shot with another mate from the dwindling black bottle.

after finishing half the white bottle the night starts to get a little sketchy. i remember talking about my brother and how his record was a full bottle of jim beam in drinking (this is not true, i have no idea what my brother's drinking record is)... i was loud, and eventually told not to leave my seat - which i didnt. at this point i think the bottle of black had been finished, god knows who finished it - and my glass that i used for my bourbon and coke was now full of bourbon, my 700ml bottle was about 1/3 and i looked at one of the big jocks at my school and said "check this out!" and drained the full glass... and that was a big glass.

the next part i remember about this night was dancing around in my chair chanting "i did it, i did it, i finished the bottle wooooo" and not much else other than waking up on a trampoline, and then being woken up after falling asleep hugging a pot plant. 5 shadows stood over me with a light behind them (it was still night) and one of them said yeah lets get you up and i remember being dragged over to a chair in which one of the senior drug users and hard nuts i knew spent a lot of time laughing at me and playing with his hair... he was a nut

then i think i was pulled upright and walked down the driveway which mustve been 50m long to wait for a cab. i was put on a mate's shoulders and couldnt be fucked waiting for a taxi any more so i just jumped in the nearest one.

The driver i remember turning to me and saying something i replied by saying "yeah bro thats me, this is my mate, he's gonna tell ya where we're going"

i woke up around midday on the lawn in front of my house... luckily my parents hadn't noticed me there, i also consider myself lucky that i remembered asking the taxi to pull over while i threw up out the window of the thing.

i got to my bedroom and my computer around about 2pm and got on msn and was instantly greeted by about 6 people saying something along the lines of "fuck man, i'm sorry about last night!" or "omg man i'm SO sorry"

i was like WTF?!? and spent the next 3 hours making phone calls to my mates about what had happened that night that made other people say sorry to me.

i understand that a girl was paid $10 to punch me in the nuts, i was in mid conversation and had no idea of what was going on - i presume that this was while i was told to stay in my seat.

after i had completely drunk that 750ml bottle of jim beam white and i was dancing around in my seat chanting - it turns out that 2 of my friends decided to do a double head first spear tackle to my chest (yes it required 2 of them, i weighed 110 kilograms at this time) after i was spear tackled i apparently got up not noticing a thing, went to the garden, threw up, then wandered off into the jungle that is this guy's front garden. i presume that this was when i wandered over to the trampoline.

while i was semi-conscious on the trampoline it seems that some people decided that they wanted to jump on it (and on me) bouncing me around until i threw up over the side then rolled off the other side, hitting my head on a big pot plant. they put me into an amusing position hugging that pot plant and a rather incriminating position concerning a garden gnome.

i was then woken up and moved to the seat where the 300ml bottle of beam white was taken from my pocket by this hard nut and he decided it would be funny if he poured me a glass - apparently at this point my state had become quite an attraction to behold.

afterwards i was taken home by my good friend and after i jumped in the cab the driver said "Damien Collins?" i said yep! thats me (my name is Nick), i dont think he cared, i gave the guy all my money and said take me home, my mate millsy gave directions.

to top it all off after getting out of the cab, i apparently looked down the side of the car and then said to the driver "shit man, someone threw up down the side of ya car!!!"

all in all i had the 700ml beam white bottle to myself, roughle 350ml beam black, a shot of butterscotch schnapps, and god knows how much of my 300ml bottle of white that bastard put down my throat

this is gonna come back to bite me at my 21st i'm sure

Ahh... the morning after...

/me goes to get some water and an advil

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NEW MIX [Feb/March 2008]