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| quote: | Originally posted by Cal
Also, it seems to me that a lot of what you wrote in this thread is based on the belief that humans are rational creatures, and I really disagree with that. |
Actually, the reason why I did use logic in this thread was because the whole evolutionary theory, but I agree with you when you say that humans are not exclusively rational creatures. That's why evolutionary psychology is often seen as not even being real science, but that's a completely different point.
Let's take another approach, shall we?
There are way too many reasons why adultery can exist, but I'm using these definitions from marriage therapist Emily Brown, who is director of Key Bridge Therapy & Mediation Center in Arlington, Va. just for convinience, I'm not yet trying to prove anything:
- Exit affair: One partner has already decided to leave the relationship, and the affair provides the justification. Both men and women can have exit affairs.
This is not a matter of logic. This is that situation in which one of the partners is not happy with the relationship and, instead of taking the logic approach (trying to fix it and/or breaking up) they eventually engage in an affair. This could give a certain sensation of safety (they ARE formally in a relationship), although their attitude shows something else. Here we have a flawed logic and no evolutionary backing here.
- Split-self affair: When partner sacrifice their own feelings and needs to care for others, the deprivation can catch up with them. This type of affair, which is serious, long-term, and passionate, affects mostly men.
- Sexual addiction affair: Men more typically indulge in this type of affair in which sex is an addiction that is used over and over again to numb inner pain and emptiness.
I'd say this happens quite often, and our culture even supports such behaviour (being a "pimp"). Since men usually have to be tougher culturally, it's quite expected that such escapism methosd exists.
If anything, this would be probably the only kind that could be related in some way to evolution.
- Conflict avoidance affair: When partners don't face each other when there is a problem, their differences cannot be resolved and the marriage erodes. This kind of affair affects both men and women.
That's exactly the example I showed in the other thread, where my friend (the security guard) had affairs simply because he couldn't have a proper relationship with his wife. Another case where evolution wouldn't play a role.
- Intimacy avoidance affair: People who avoid intimacy are scared to get too close to someone else, so they erect barriers. While conflict is a common type of barrier, an affair is another. This affects both men and women."
I reckon this is probably the most common kind of affair there is, since it's a way of being weak AND being love/accepted from others.
This is actually examples taken from someone who deals with it in a daily basis. No far-fetched theories, just an analysis of the many different circunstances in which affairs exist. Naturally, this is not a scientific theory, but the observation from which the theories come. You can have loads of different interpretations, depending on your "school". But the most important part is that humans are too emotionally complex in order to be explained as simply as the evolutionary psychology would suggest, for example.
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