try to layer manny kick drum samples. A quick tip is choosing one kcik sample with enough "whoom" frequencyes, u must filter high frequencies from it. Then, chooos another kick sample with some mid frequencies, u must filter the low frequencies as well... combine thoose samples...tweak some eq, and you're the man!

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Such a common problem, Rich

Getitng the right Transients in a percussive line...

There are a few tools that can help you out
paticularly, a few of the Waves VSTs

Deeper Kick drives, Claps that actually punch through the mix
and hats with bite but without distortion...

Multi-layering with EQ and Freq. Elimination is a solution aswell.

Also look into Compressors/Limiters for bussing your percussive elements to. It'll add punch and cut off the harshness for a polished Drumkit.