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Here's a fresh take on it:
These are 100% true, and even funnier than the facts about Chuck Norris
A little bit about Vin Diesel
1.Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
2.Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
3.There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
4.If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
5.There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. F-ck you, team.
6.When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
7.In an average living room there are 1,242 objects
Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room
itself.
8.Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo,
except for one time. He found himself stumped on the
last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to
find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down
and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing
shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim,
"IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he
ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from.
The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good
measure. The incident has since been refered to as
Christmas.
9.Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
10.Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without
even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled
at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child"
sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
11.Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick
wall in a game of tennis.
12.Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
13.Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying
glass. At night.
14.When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he
doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
15.Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother.
He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he
made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
16.If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a
guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album
ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he
doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for
queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness
of his response.
17.It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile,
but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
18.Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully
loaded gun and won.
19.Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just
refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
20.When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy
crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with
him. At that point, she was the third girl he had
slept with.
21.On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one
lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
22.You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet
consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of
small children.
23.In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness
Book of World Records it notes that all world records
are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book
are simply the closest anyone has ever come to
matching him.
24.Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North -
they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just
likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are
for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers.
25.Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
26.Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby
out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high
velocity baby shot out of a cannon.
27.When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people
get hurt.
28.Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair
but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd
come back to eat him.
29.When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting
himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
___________________
"WEMF is...." and I can't remember the rest because I didn't write it down.
- Blackness at WEMF 2007
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