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Originally posted by tubularbills so my parents are getting divorced.

Good for them, they're correcting the second biggest mistake most people ever make in their lives: getting married.

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basically the jist of things is that my dad feels he has "lost the love" and is feeling too depressed and helpless. it's been going on, apparently, for quite some time. it's been 15 months since my mom's surgery [hysterectomy] and she hasn't recovered fully yet [and is kind of far from it]. and he apparently just feels that he can't deal with that type of life. that he doesn't want to "die" next to my mom in their house.

Well, if someone's not happy in a relationship, then the best solution is usually to just terminate it, unless the problem is quite simple and can be fixed easily to the satisfaction of all involved, which doesn't seem to be the case here.

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i don't really know what to think/feel except horribly sad for my mom. and the more i think about it, the more it just seems like my dad is being very very selfish. like wtf happened to "in sickness and in health, till death to us part"?

People and the circumstances in which they find themselves change a lot over the course of many years... which is why I think marriage is a bad idea in the first place. But I don't know what you expect him to do if he's not happy in the relationship - do you seriously think it would be better for him to just resign himself to being trapped and miserable indefinitely to spare your mother a little temporary heartbreak?

It seems to me you've got the selfish thing backwards. He isn't demanding anything of anyone or trying to pretend like he owns them. He just wants to live his own life, and I think he has a right to that.

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i had kind of ignored my mom's email ...i guess just being in denail. but now actually hearing from my dad and talking with my mom too it just brings it all into reality. i just don't know what to do / how to feel. i keep telling myself that it's "their" problem and they have to work it out. cause nothing i can do / say will change anything. but part of me wants to. but it's not like i'm a kid anymore....shit, i'm going to be 24 this october. so all i can really do is just let them handle it how they want.

Look I don't mean to be insensitive, but this is a really common thing, and although it will cause some people pain in the short term it's probably for the best. A relationship that one party does not want to be in is not going to be a good relationship for either person. Now, if this was a hasty decision on the part of your father, then that would be one thing, but obviously he's given this a lot of thought and he can't think of any way to solve the problem so that he will be happy.

I don't know about you, but I don't see a better option than divorce.

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sorry for being so longwinded. there's a lot more to say i guess. but i'll just kind of start out asking if anyone's parents are divorced? and how old were you when it happened.....anyone an adult?

Yes my parents are divorced, and it was definitely the right thing for them to do. They are both much happier now than they would have been trapped in a relationship that wasn't meant to be. I was 14 at the time, and I supported the decision wholeheartedly.

im so sorry to hear this t are u sure there is any way for them to stay together?like talking to a councelor or something? i tell u that because when i was 13 my parents soo wanted to divorce .My dad had an affair going on for several months and when my mom discovered it they decided to divorce.but i don't know how ...they managed to go through this that was a bad period but now almost 8 years later they are fine again and don't plan to divorce anymore

but in the case the decision is really taken just support your mom a lot but don't hate your dad .for a long time i was full of hate towards my dad because of his affair but now im fine everyone's making mistakes ......so yeah good luck

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Sorry to hear that...

Time is the healer for sure though...everybody moves on. Just tell your mom to stay busy with whatever shez been upto and support her for the next couple of months atleast and this would not be bad at all...Im sure she would move on, everybody does....

And from the previous posts - it is implied that this is probably good for both of them in the long run...so just take care of the next couple of months...

And if you're optimistic - it is a new beginning for both of them

My parents are just finishing up the process now. I guess I'm glad that it's happening now, as I'm an adult, than when I was a kid. It still really sucks though. More than anything I'm disappointed, especially in my Dad. The way he's gone about the whole process leading up to it and the process itself has been pretty deplorable. I know time heals all, but right now it just plain sucks.

parents are people too, and not all relationships will work out. they'll both move on, and you're there to support them.

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oh, my parents divorced when I wasn't even born
stop this emoyness

my dad has been married 5 times so i know what you might be feeling. It gets easier as time goes by. Best of luck to you.

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Originally posted by tubularbills i think this whole thing really kind of came as a shock to my mom tho. like, she was only a little unhappy because of her pain from the surgery. having her husband of nearly 26 years say that "i can't deal with you not being healthy" is nearly a slap to the face. i don't think she'll ever be happy again.

Your poor mother. My father did the same thing to my mom, and she was never the same after.

*big hug*

wow that really sucks. i'm sorry to hear that


i can't believe he would just all of a sudden after a marriage so long, just be like, "welp! sorry, ur not doing it for me any more hun" . this was supposed to be their golden years together. i doubt your dad will find any substance in any other woman at this point in his life. i mean, unless he's a millionaire, it's hard to find women at his age.

i mean, i sorta agree about it being fair to your mom (what arbiter was saying). it wouldn't be cool if he just stayed to spare her feelings. so i agree with that, but that still doesn't keep me from thinking, "damn, that's fucked up" for your mom's sake.

my parents divorced when i was 2, so pretty much, as long as i can remember, my parents have been divorced and it never affected me. they get along fine and always have for the most part. my mom even went to his wedding when he remarried a few years ago. i'm close with both of my parents...i'm lucky.

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Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

a year today... or tomorrow is when i got the info my perents seperated.. how lovely and the next day i went to england!!! score for that

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Originally posted by jennypie
Because you're a filthy WHORE!

i'm very sorry to hear about that, Will... especially since you just left, it's gotta be hard having to deal with everything while being so far away.

my parents got divorced when i was 13 and it was probably the best decision my family ever made. sure, it was really rough for a while, for all of us... but looking back on it now, i know it was definitely the right thing for them to do. i wish the specifics of it could have been a little different, because it kind of ruined my relationship with my dad, but i'm just happy that my mom is now 100x happier than she ever was before... she's not even remarried, she's just a happily single lady who is loving life!

all you can do at this point is just be there for your mom, even if it just means calling her a few times a week to talk about random shit. she needs people in her life who love her, same with your dad. try to stay neutral and don't put blame on either one of them, because it will damage your relationship. they're your parents, and you have to support their decisions just as much as they support yours. things usually have a way of working out in the end.

hang in there, kid.

*e-hug*

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