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Hmmm,
Looks like the casting directory went with the safe options this season. I know its billed as a survivor where racial tensions will be high, but if that's the case wouldn't it have made more sense to have the following personalities on the show:
1 Angry black woman - Why ? Cause no other demographic brings more drama to a stale show like survivor then a big, black ghetto bitch. I picture her name being Shanikqua, she's from Compton, works as a hairdresser, has 4 kids, her baby daddy gone and she's got a golden weave. Oh, and the bitch can't swim...
1 former neonazi - We don't know of his nazi past till sweeps week, when he suddenly drops his shorts to reveal the Swastika he's got tattooed on his asscheeks. I dunno why it's there...but i figure if it were on his chest, we'd find out sooner, and the dramatic impact of the revelation would be lost.
1 redneck - useful for catching fish, building bear traps, and drinking beer. His general state of ignorance gives way to backward ass comments about other races, which we initially deplore, but later reluctantly accept as we realize it ain't his fault...that his daddy and his momma are cousins. The redneck redeems himself towards the end of the season, citing the Survivor experience as having broadened his horizons to cultural and racial diversity in America. We even get to watch a blossoming romance between him and the big booty hoe, it's all very sickly sweet. That is until, one fateful night when in a drunken stupor, he calls her a biatch and all hell breaks lose. In a genre defining moment, she stabs his white ass.
2 fags - divided across racial lines, so as to end the debate on which race is more flamboyant. They've previously had a few white fags on the show so an Asian twinkie, or a Latin burrito might be a nice change. Either way, having two fags is essential. That way, they can have jungle walkoffs against one another, and make catty remarks about the men/women/other fags that we all love to hear. Gotta be effeminate though, that's absolutely critical ! Big, fucking Homo's who bench 300lbs and work as firemen scare hetromales...we want TV to keep perpetrating the myth that all fags are built like little girls.
1 Openly homophobic individual & 3-4 closet homophobes - To spark debate and counterbalance the homo index on the island. I mean, for every fag, you've gotta have at least 1 guy who hates (fears) em right? That guys gotta be vocal, unapologetic and a miserable asshole so it makes for good conflict, which makes for good TV. That way, we the audience get to judge him and feel all superior - we also secretly get to laugh everytime he makes those fairies cry.
3 Jocks (1 has to be white, 1 has to be black - the other can be Hispanic or Asian, doesn't matter really cause neither race is any good at sports anyway). This sets up the classic battle of black vs white. Jesse Owens vs the Horse. I go with Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57 and always bet on Black ! A word of warning though - it's imperitive that the show not cast more then 1 young black man...an increase and you face the very real possibility that they'll refer to one other as nigga all the time, which makes white people (excluding the Nazi) very uncomfortable. There's also the effect black men have on white women, valuable possessions and the fact that nobody wants to listen to hiphop when they're trapped on a deserted island to consider. One cool black cat, that's all survivor really needs.
And finally...
4 Hot chicks - Yeah, you might think that's a lot, and you're probably saying he just wants to see a four pairs of tits scampering up the beach in their bikinis...but I assure you, it's a selection based on reason. Cause let's face it - most hot chicks are completely stupid right. The only reason they 'survive' is cause they whore em self out to the alpha males. We need at least 4, so they last 4 weeks into the season. This'll keep the young male population who watch the show happy. And, if two of the hot chicks turn out to be lesbians...and for whatever reason, those 2 lesbians get into a cat fight where their tops come off, and they fall into a big mudpit...well, it'll just be an extra level of deliciousness that goes into the making of this fine TV program!
___________________
"Hell is full of musical amateurs; music is the brandy of the damned."
~ George Bernard Shaw
Last edited by Kytracid on Aug-25-2006 at 22:53
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