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Originally posted by DJM104D my thing is that i always have to be right and if im not i get fukkin right mad...in that it has cost me so many potentially good relationships with great people.just recently, maybe a week or so ago, another one ended cause i just cant calm the fuck down. i regret it yes, regret it alot actually cause the other party doesnt want to have anything to do with me, it fukkin kills me knowing this. if its a dispute that is worthwile that has a positive outcome then voice raising yelling standing ground is fine cause its in the right context...if its one of those pointless fukkin travelling around in circles fukkin things that just gets out of hand then thats the problem one...now if you can sit and chill and work it out like the English some 100+ yrs ago over tea, that is the shit right there.there are times when i watch the couple i live with fukkin tear eachother a new one sometimes it goes for dayz and i just want to kill both of them,other times they are calmly talking about whatever the fukk is the issue...i really dont know what im saying anymore so im gonna stop b4 my brain actually starts working again...but like others have already said its more or less based on the parties that are involved, if both are laxy day then things are savvy, you got two competitors then it could get nasty, got opposites...well, who knows then cause anything is possible. Enjoi

i've fought with stubborness for most of my life. it only started to end about a year ago. there are some good techniques out there to help you overcome it but it's mostly caused by insecurity(insecurity to be wrong). i use to work for a motivational coach in college he would tell people if you CAN'T see the other person's side then your sole ability of relating to others is gone. if you can't relate to others you can't make relationships(for him it was in the business sense but makes sense for other relationships too).

you need to start understanding others perspectives before assuming you know the right answer.

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Originally posted by Zombie0729 my gf and i almost never get in fights.

+1, although my girlfriend's got a temper and only got better when I told her I would eventually leave her, against my will, if she didn't stop complaining about every little thing.

We've been doing great ever since

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if you want to talk motivation and understanding my career is what drives me...infantry officer Lt.,HUA!
there is just lots of things in my head that force me to drive the other party away...insecurity could be it.i dont want to do it,i kikk myself pretty good for it later...but there is also the lack of communication from the other party also..."radio silence" if you will.

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Originally posted by DJM104D if you want to talk motivation and understanding my career is what drives me...infantry officer Lt.,HUA! there is just lots of things in my head that force me to drive the other party away...insecurity could be it.i dont want to do it,i kikk myself pretty good for it later...but there is also the lack of communication from the other party also..."radio silence" if you will.

i'm just stating what my employer said and what i went thru.

well fuck you too cocksmoker...but thanx for the wholesome helpfullness...my understand what youve relayed onto me.

I never argued. If you're just bottling it up then yeah, I could see it being a problem. But if you're just the passive type, then why not.

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M.O.:

For a couple that doesn't argue, I think it is a sign that the two people in the relationship are mature adults who are capable of resolving their issues in a proper manner.

Personally, I think people who scream and yell at each other need to learn how to deal with their anger in a more productive way.

Being aggressive is only counter-productive, and often very hurtful.

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Originally posted by Theresa M.O.: For a couple that doesn't argue, I think it is a sign that the two people in the relationship are mature adults who are capable of resolving their issues in a proper manner. Personally, I think people who scream and yell at each other need to learn how to deal with their anger in a more productive way. Being aggressive is only counter-productive, and often very hurtful.

hmmm
are you takling about fighting with each other, arguing, or both?
cause arguing i normally think of as a perfectly civilized and respectable thing to do. its only bad once it escalates into fighting

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Originally posted by mezzir hmmm are you takling about fighting with each other, arguing, or both? cause arguing i normally think of as a perfectly civilized and respectable thing to do. its only bad once it escalates into fighting

I suppose it depends on what you classify fighting vs. arguing.

Arguing is having a disagreement with each other, and calmly discussing the issue.

Fighting is screaming, yelling, swearing at each other, and not always, but can include getting physically violent with each other, and other things (slamming doors, breaking things etc.).

So I would like to retract from my last post "argue" and sub "fight".

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Originally posted by Theresa M.O.: For a couple that doesn't argue, I think it is a sign that the two people in the relationship are mature adults who are capable of resolving their issues in a proper manner. Personally, I think people who scream and yell at each other need to learn how to deal with their anger in a more productive way. Being aggressive is only counter-productive, and often very hurtful.

Theresa, may I ask how long the two of you have been together? Have you lived together yet?

If you have been together for a short amount of time (let's say, less than a year) then great! You're not fighting!

If you have never lived together, then great! You're not fighting!

If you're in any kind of honeymoon period (and different couples have VERY different honeymoon periods) you won't fight that much, unless you're somewhat incompatible (or if you're hooked on make-up sex, rather than regular sex, in which case one of you isn't cutting it in the bedroom department). Often, it just comes down to the fact that you just don't know each other well enough yet.

But, if you stay together, you will fight. You will. Most of the time, you can sort it out in a simple discussion - And this is healthy. But you will fight, and that is not necessarily a bad thing: It shows you (and your partner) are passionate about how you feel - For yourselves and your relationship with each other.

If you're NOT fighting because the other person just gives in (from either of your perspectives), then that is not healthy. You're working on a bad relationship dynamic.

Of course, there is no real reason for yelling, shouting and carrying on like an idiot. Insulting your partner, name calling, and ESPECIALLY any king of physical violence, is utterly stupid. In my experience, couples who treat each other like that don't work out too well, or live their lives out whining, to anyone who'll listen, about their crap relationship. Unless your friends are weirdo types, they hate this, and they 'randomly' don't want to be around you any more.

Essentially, just take it for what it is. If you don't fight, GOOD. If you do fight, GOOD.

Enjoy it all. If it puts a smile on your face, then rock that smile





My sincerest apologies for the essay, it's just something I feel strongly about


[COR Version] - Enjoy it or don't, it's up to you. Just don't be stupid.

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Originally posted by stace Me and G don't argue properly. Basically I get in a strop and he puts up with me.

Hehehe

As for fights (in the argument sense), they can be healthy, a good way to get rid of pent up stress, and make-up sex rawks! It's only when issues arent resolved, or violence ensues, or the fight goes on for days that it isn't healthy.

Little spats can also keep things alive.

Speaking from my nooby relationship antics of yore, I was under the impression that I should never, ever EVER do anyhting that could cause friction. I agreed with everything, succumb to any wishes, and tried my darnedest not to make any decisions for fear of it being the wrong one.

This can bore women, as most like a strong man with views and opinions, and if you can discuss opposing views etc in a remotely civil manner, all the more power to your relationship.

COR version: Personally, I've encountered very few couples that don't have spats, so either way it should be ok. But do understand that the honeymoon period blurs any and all, you will find out where the 2 of you really sit after only some time.

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Originally posted by kr00t0n Hehehe As for fights (in the argument sense), they can be healthy, a good way to get rid of pent up stress, and make-up sex rawks! It's only when issues arent resolved, or violence ensues, or the fight goes on for days that it isn't healthy. Little spats can also keep things alive. Speaking from my nooby relationship antics of yore, I was under the impression that I should never, ever EVER do anyhting that could cause friction. I agreed with everything, succumb to any wishes, and tried my darnedest not to make any decisions for fear of it being the wrong one. This can bore women, as most like a strong man with views and opinions, and if you can discuss opposing views etc in a remotely civil manner, all the more power to your relationship. COR version: Personally, I've encountered very few couples that don't have spats, so either way it should be ok. But do understand that the honeymoon period blurs any and all, you will find out where the 2 of you really sit after only some time.

Very well put Sir. I take my hat off to you

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