quote:

Originally posted by PurpleHaze Hopefully your friend is consciencious enough to understand his problems and can find the courage in himself to find a way to overcome his addictions.

We'll he asked us to do it for him and he told us no matter what dont let him out... so it wasn't like we decided

and this was after 3 years in rehab and everything

he is one of my good friends now and to this day he hasn't touched it yet and is still thankful

wrong or right, there was no more self control, all i would see is an addict and if its someone you care about and if its seriously affecting his health and his whole life in general, TRUST ME you would do anything to help

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it really depends how close you are to this person.

quote:

Originally posted by SPANIARD I always run in to this topic and my answer is always the same. Everyone has different reactions to drugs; some get addicted, some have it as part of their alter ego that parties on the weekend or whenever they have time. Excess may not always be the best stat to analyze someone's relationship with their drug(s) of choice. It's always better to analyze their decision making, how it effects (change) their everyday routine and really how much of a difference you can tell in their personality. Education is the key to everything. If your morals say something is bad but you really don't know why, open up a book. Many of my friends have drug problems, so what I would do is just talk to them and ask them how they really feel at work or school and how they feel about different topics to see how their problem is reflected in their opinions. Sure, you can force them to do whatever they want but remember your taking the chance of them jumping on your back too. The best way to go about it is to hear that person(s) say it for themselves. That they notice how it has effected them because hopefully it will trigger initiative to change.

Showing that you care really means a lot to a person, but pushing the issue with your friend could potentially lead to more of a strain on the friendship then anything. The person who is doing the drugs needs to realize for themselves what they may or may not be doing wrong, rather then be told what they are doing wrong.

In my opinion, willpower is the key: you either have it or you don’t.

People who do: will be fine on their own.

People who don’t: will learn from their mistakes….it may be hard at times, but they will learn. People who hit what they may believe is rock bottom, on more then one occasion. Different things happen to different people... but they will eventually learn from their mistakes and can become a stronger person because of it.

My advice: Be there for your friend-but don’t be overbearing and preachy-let your friend see for themselves where they have went wrong, and being the good friend that you are, will be there for them to listen and support them if/when the time comes.

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Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. ~George Bernard Shaw

Each person has their own definition as to what acceptable behavior is. Your definition of acceptable behavior will most likely be different than your friends (but not by much).

The deviation from one friend to another friend usually is not all that significant - thus the reason why you became friends in the first place (i.e. rapists don't usually become buddies with police officers [the example is exaggerated, but it's to prove a point]).

The issue comes to a head when someone starts to behave in a manner that is not consistent with what is acceptable (abusing drugs, being mean, hurting people, etc).

When a friend's behavior starts to vary from what you deem acceptable (within reasonable deviation) one should let their friend know that what they are doing isn't acceptable (and the reasons why) and that they must change (to keep the friendship sound).

If your friend is unwilling to change their behavior then the best thing you can do for them is let them know your definition of what acceptable behavior is (not using their addictive drug of choice), ask them to behave acceptably (not use their addictive drug of choice) and then let them know the consequences of not doing so (changing the dynamics of your friendship in a negative way). It will be hard to follow through - but if this is a person you honestly care about you will chose their chance at non-addiction/health over the possibility of making them angry/mad/frustrated (with your requests to change).

If your friend is willing but unable to change their unacceptable behavior - let them know you will help them to get help (you are not trained to help them yourself - get expert assistance).

If you are really concerned about your friend's well being - then you will understand that a "strain on friendship" is much better than letting them digress into an addiction that ruins their life. Nowhere would one suggest that you abandon the person or relinquish your friendship with them - however you must set clear limits as to what you deem appropriate with their behavior and what the consequences are if they act inappropriately.

You are not going to help your friend by being passive and simply suggesting to them that they clean up. You ARE going to help your friend by letting them know what they need to do (and helping them if necessary) and how their choice to not act (stay using) will cause a change in your friendship (which will mean not socializing [if they are using], not supporting them [if they are using], a friendship of only trying to help them [if they are using]).

This is not a hard-ass/unreasonable approach. This is an approach that seeks to assist a person in realizing that their problem is effecting them and those around them and then help the person to change and seek-experts that can help them change.

There is no steadfast rule in dealing with someone who has a substance abuse problem - however being lenient/conciliatory only exasperates the issue and lengthens the amount of time it takes until someone reaches the point where they are ready for recovery.

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- rabbit.joker [funny¿rabbit] | www.rabbitjoker.com |www.ddtt.org

Dark Dirty Tech Tribal. | Hands in air (trance) and feet on the floor (house).

Last edited by rabbitjoker on May-08-2007 at 16:44

im too addicted to trance to have room for another addiction.

But you should definately get involved now before they start getting into needles which is where it gets way harder or its too late.

And I would say keeping someone busy helps majorly, i think the saying goes "Idle hands are the devils playground"

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I love my trance/house, VERY NICE!

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Labour of Love 07

Hasn't anyone here ever got into something deeper and much faster than you thought possible? I don't see too many people admitting they once had a problem or approached the reality of having a problem.

Last summer I got into a certain substance far too much. Don't get me wrong, I didn't even get close to how far some people go with it, but even after a few months of regular usage, it was becoming habitual. I was eating less, sleeping less and spending more and more money to get that fix and you know what...you don't even care while it's happening. Thankfully I went off to grad school and got away from some of my friends who tended to be a bad influence. It took them until around Christmas to finally smarten up and now we're all good. I prefer to see it as an unwise party phase and one to which I will never return.

Everyone is different but when some of my other friends made remarks to me about it, I"d laugh them off, defend myself, convince myself I wasn't doing anything wrong, etc. Whether it's a good thing or not, I tend to be an anxious person at times and the euphoric effects of the drug evolved into anxiety attacks. It took me awhile to figure that out though....like, I started to ask myself "is this really fun?"

Anyway, enough blathering...I would definitely tell your friend what's on your mind. Say it as often as you can although don't do it forcefully. He/She might not listen right away but eventually (hopefully), with most people, it will kick in.

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"No offense, but you're stupid"

quote:

Originally posted by Dj Smitty20 I don't see too many people admitting they once had a problem or approached the reality of having a problem.

Most people won't admit to it. They're too stubborn to realize it.

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GWARTQZ!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by Cribby Most people won't admit to it. They're too stubborn to realize it.

that's definitely true. But I mean some people here must have been into something heavily at a point or era of their lives that is now over. I'm not asking people to share, but I'm probably not alone here in having conquered a substance demon.

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"No offense, but you're stupid"

quote:

Originally posted by Cribby Most people won't admit to it. They're too stubborn to realize it.

most people realize it.... but are too stubborn to admit it.

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Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. ~George Bernard Shaw

I'm going to have a long talk with him. Your right I need to know why he is doing this. Is it to fill some need he has? Things will be said, I need him to slow it down.

quote:

Originally posted by Banelord I'm going to have a long talk with him. Your right I need to know why he is doing this. Is it to fill some need he has? Things will be said, I need him to slow it down.

be prepared to get told off though. Although not easy to do sometimes, it's probably best if you just take the high road and don't waver from it.

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"No offense, but you're stupid"