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To me, some of the aspects that make a relationship a relationship, more-so than having sex is:
- Shared values and goals that you want to build towards / work towards as a couple
- A desire to share your life together
- A desire to build a life together
- A commitment to staying together, even when things may get rough
- Being supportive, loving, caring of each other
- Building a family together, and bringing both sides of the family together
At the end of the day - being sexually exclusive with your partner is a decision that they both need to make / agree to.
However, just because one couple is open and another couple is monog, does not make the monog couple more or less serious than the other.
I know a few people that have had very long-lasting relationships that also happen to be open. I've seen them range from the 'total open free for all' (which now and then, does leave me scratching my head at times - but its working for them, so I wont judge), to others that have more rules / boundaries established.
The one couple has been together for over 15 years, own a house together - their relationship has varied between very-closed, to completely open, and now rests somewhere in between - the 'rules' are continually negotiated to fit whats going on at the time.
They have built a life together and share it, they are part of each others families (ie: go to family events/functions together) and share a large circle of common friends.
While now and then they may have some extra-marital activities on the side, they are not bringing their fuck-buddies to the family Christmas dinner either.
Yes, sex is important, however it boggles my mind that so many people get caught up on the notion of "if you are not sexually exclusive, then you are not a relationship" - while that might be the case for YOU and YOUR relationship, it's not always the same for everyone else.
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