|
Besides reading like a porn novel, this interview is poorly written in a number of ways. It's overly detailed and technical, reminiscent of a geek war novel: i.e. "my MgF-6176 dual-action triple-round supernova machine gun is cocked and ready to fire". It switches back and forth between past and present tense. It has overly long sentences, as well as an excessive number of errors relating to semantics, grammar and spelling. Take this sentence:
That doesn’t sound very inclusive,” quips in Jono. As I’ve been talking to Tony he’s arrived on the balcony.
One doesn't 'quip in', they simply quip. Secondly, that sentence contains a dangling modifier, (link) which is considered very poor form, even in semi-professional writing.
or,
That’s how Anjuna Beats formed, a label that recently enjoyed a numerous amount of 100th release parties.
It's 'Anjunabeats', and how does one have a 'numerous amount of 100th release parties'?
There are numerous examples of that. In terms of content, the interview focusses far too much on the interviewer's delight at meeting Above & Beyond rather than actually exposing them as people and what they really think.
Congratulations on getting to interview the guys. Overall the article was reasonably interesting to read, but you still have a lot you need to improve on.
___________________
Mix archive | Melbourne club guide
Last edited by Domesticated on Oct-20-2009 at 03:09
|
