I was gonna write 'easy buttsecks' to be funny, then I read the part about your friend being gay, so I guess its true! lol

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quote:

Originally posted by sweetcaroline I appreciate the responses. I know I'm being a protective girlfriend, but I can't help it. I love my friend. And I spent 5 months of him talking about the pain of the breakup. Right when he was healing, his ex boyfriend breezes back in town and chases after him. Oh, did I mention that my friend is gay? Anyway, it doesn't matter... I think his ex is evil because he saw that my friend was happy and dating someone new and chased after him. And his ex is leaving town to go overseas in August. So basically, the ex is going fuck around with my friend for a few months and then good bye. I met the new boyfriend and he was pretty amazing, not the tormented closet case the ex is. Do we have a self destructive gene that makes us go back to people who have hurt us time and time again? Why do exes have more pull than the world of new experiences that are out there?

There was obviously something about the ex that your friend finds special. It's not always a rational decision from an outsider perspective, mostly because outsiders aren't privy to all the information. In my experiences, the friends, especially in a break-up, hear all of the bad stuff and as a result make a more critical opinion rather than a more balanced one that includes the positive aspects.

I mean, really, when the relationship is going well, most people don't going running to their friends to discuss what nice thing their significant other did, how great their conversations are, how great the sex is, etc. But when it's over or ending, they run and tell all the bad stuff, trying to justify their decision to end it or trying to gain comfort from being dumped by having their friends tell them what a scumbag/bitch the ex is. The only way to achieve that is let loose all the bad stuff.

And yes, obviously, I've had some experience on both sides of this one.

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quote:

Originally posted by Groundhog Boy There was obviously something about the ex that your friend finds special. It's not always a rational decision from an outsider perspective, mostly because outsiders aren't privy to all the information. In my experiences, the friends, especially in a break-up, hear all of the bad stuff and as a result make a more critical opinion rather than a more balanced one that includes the positive aspects. I mean, really, when the relationship is going well, most people don't going running to their friends to discuss what nice thing their significant other did, how great their conversations are, how great the sex is, etc. But when it's over or ending, they run and tell all the bad stuff, trying to justify their decision to end it or trying to gain comfort from being dumped by having their friends tell them what a scumbag/bitch the ex is. The only way to achieve that is let loose all the bad stuff. And yes, obviously, I've had some experience on both sides of this one.

maybe it has to do with what was going thru their mind the very first time they met the ex? those first few encounters sometimes can make the rest of the shit/hell you go thru seem "not as bad".

think of your first time encountering with the person you're with now....if it was a bad one; chanjces are you wouldn't stay with them , right?

kinda like that frog boiling itself to death, but if you threw it in a pot of boiling water, it'd jump out

or maybe just the sex.

Last edited by tubularbills on Apr-02-2010 at 03:29

jay, is that you?

EX's are evil.

It's the main reason I won't be friends with my ex. Some people think that there's a difference between being friends and actually being in the relationship or whatnot, but the relationship still didn't work out, so take it as a hint.

I think the other thing is that it's easier to sleep with someone you've already been with...It's that whole comfort zone thing...Also, if he wasn't getting any play from his current boyfriend...

Also :

Last edited by theterran on Apr-02-2010 at 03:23

quote:

Originally posted by Magadansky Lol. Do you know what friendship is? What do you think a friend must do, drinking with you all night and not giving you advices about your life, advices that can help you? Do you have friends actually for whom you care about or you truly believe this is the universal case (your quoted phrases above)?

quote:

Originally posted by igottaknow You are free to tell someone what you think.

Also known as "advice".

quote:

What's unreasonable is expecting them to do what you want and getting angry when they don't.

This is the part you don't seem to get.

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- familiarity
- memories
- love
- attraction
- residual attachment
- comfort
- etc. etc. etc.

It is no surprise that people run back to their ex's. Personally, I have never been one to do that, but I can understand it.

quote:

Originally posted by Groundhog Boy There was obviously something about the ex that your friend finds special. It's not always a rational decision from an outsider perspective, mostly because outsiders aren't privy to all the information. In my experiences, the friends, especially in a break-up, hear all of the bad stuff and as a result make a more critical opinion rather than a more balanced one that includes the positive aspects. I mean, really, when the relationship is going well, most people don't going running to their friends to discuss what nice thing their significant other did, how great their conversations are, how great the sex is, etc. But when it's over or ending, they run and tell all the bad stuff, trying to justify their decision to end it or trying to gain comfort from being dumped by having their friends tell them what a scumbag/bitch the ex is. The only way to achieve that is let loose all the bad stuff. And yes, obviously, I've had some experience on both sides of this one.

True but to some extent. Best friends usually share everything (hence the label "best" friend). I am currently in a similar situation, I broke-up with my gf a month ago and most of my friends usually are talking me out from making any effort in having her back (atm I dont have such intentions anyway). Yet, my best friend who knows almost everything, good and bad, still says that the thing she has done is so bad and nasty (and she deserved a nice portion of hurtful words thrown at her) that I shouldn't go back even if she tries to restore the relationship. The memory of you being hurt will fade but the memory of your best friends seeing you being hurt and wanting to avoid that in the future is something different.

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quote:

Originally posted by theterran

quote:

Originally posted by Magadansky The memory of you being hurt will fade but the memory of your best friends seeing you being hurt and wanting to avoid that in the future is something different.

You're probably not ready to hear this. Not any person or anything can cause you hurt, only you can cause yourself hurt. Like I said before no one can protect you from yourself not even your best friends.

I dunno, I feel if they are an ex then they are an ex for a reason.