It's good that you share your experiences.

There has been alot of depression in my family, but fortunately I have not experienced it. One day I might, but I'll remember all the people who were able to find help and get through it.

Great story! Depression runs in my family, and I've been fighting it for the last couple years. It always makes me happy when I read other people's success stories.

Great story man. I myself suffer from basically everything and more you stated in that essay, and stll do. I have yet to get "cured" just because, well I'm to scared to confront anybody that I have anxiety disorder and depression. My parents know I think, yet make fun of it which dosent make anything better. I've been in hospitals too, put on tons of medication (which I dont really use anymore). I plan on going to a doctor about it, but I dont want to. I attempted suicide before, then said "what the fuck am I doing". Thats when I started to use quite a bit of drugs and started to (and still do) drink. I'm also failing academicly, not many friends at school, and nobody notices (not that I want them too), I don't wanna confront a counceler at school because no matter if you ask them not to tell your parents or cops or even doctors, they will. Social anxiety disorder is horrible to me, I won't even get up to sharpen my pencil at school, I skip classes and don't go to them, put my hand up, do work and assignments in fear that I will fail them and get them wrong, I even studder when talking to people I've known for years. I dont even talk much to my family. I sit downstairs in the dark listening to music and drink / smoke all day long. Last summer I went outside twice (this is not a lie) in almost three months, and when I was out it was either to bring the garbage / recycling bins in. I sit down here alone, not even my family comes down. They think I'm weird. Currently I feel my life is shit. My family is slowly breaking apart, I'm ready to say fuck life, no money and shit. Id really like to do something about it, but I just can't do it. No matter what people tell me about just smiling or talking to people, I can't. I could go on and on but I don't want to talk about some of the other things (abuse, hate, etc.) that I face.

Depression is not something to be embarrassed about when talking it over with an authoritive figure. I wrote in my journal all those horrible homicidal and suicidal responses and drawings, knowing that in my subconscious i would get caught and finally treated. I know that in the back of my mind that were was something in me to be fixed. Some people have trouble breathing (athsma), some have trouble seeing (glasses) and some of us have trouble with our emotions (depression). It's not something to be embarrassed about. If you don't think u have any trust in anyone, whethers its family or friend, then TAKE THE INITIATIVE to look for someone who is an expert in the field of psychology, emotional and behavior doctors. it will be HARD the first time you admit it, because you know behind it is all the suffering you have had to endure. Don't be anxious of telling somone. Rather, celebrate that you have the responsiblity to know you have a problem and report it to an authoritive figure.
At this point they may bring u to a hospital where u can finally start waving your problems goodbye. Once again, don't be embarrassed if you have to start taking medications or have to change a certain behavior such as an early cerfew and eating slower.

Now i know that once you read this entire message, your problems with family and socializng aren't going to magicly fixed. However, i write this to INFLUENCE people to make a choice that worked great for me. Take it or leave it, it's the best advice i can give.
Never feel scared to do things that will make u into a better person

Fear is always there. but so is success, and it's all in your choice. CHOOSE to go out with ur family, CHOOSE a person on the bus to speak to, WRITE a letter to your family explaining how you feel about the trouble.
Nike says it best:
just do it
and i add:
just do it and never second guess

___________________
Thank You and Goodnight

Hmm well I think tomorow I'm gunna try to confront somebody...I dunno who. First I'm gunna sleep cus its 2AM.

quote:

Originally posted by djSlain Life is 10% what happens to you. The other 90% is how you react to it.

I understand what you've been through.
I never went as deep as suicide but seemingly black clouds always seem to fog the answers I was looking for.

Escaping from the home never did it, even through travel the black clouds found me.

Then I realized something.
I had to make a change within myself.
I am responsible for me, and nothing else outside of myself can take credit for what happens to me.

The Christmas before last I did write a letter to my Mom and Dad (since I really didn't have any money at the time) just to let them know how much a loved them and not to worry about me any more. I understood what it was I had to do.
Since that letter my life has slowly turned around, but turned around none the less.

I totally believe in the quote above, about how you react to a situation.
I remember reading somewhere back in high-school, "The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven...".
I never truely understood until last year.
I don't wish this self realization onto anyone and hope that people understand when I tell them, "Believe me...".

Ah yes....FEAR.
That gripping sensation where you get the paralysis of self-analysis; where the 'what ifs' creep in and mental pictures of failure and dejection flash before you like a self-made home movie.
Again, something else I read,

Do it.
Do it right.
Do it right now.

All fear is, is;

F - False
E - Evidence
A - Appearing
R - Real

Whatever you're afraid of don't be. Success isn't a once shot thing. Never be afraid of failing.
Do you think athletes get to the Olymics from random draws? No.
It's hours upon hours of practise.
Just like DJs. Well known DJs practise constantly and often.
Do you think they failed or had failures? Of course they did!!
But they never stopped because they knew, down the road they will get what they want, if they keep their eye on the prize and not whats trying to drag them down.

It's how you react...not what happens...

The important thing in what ever happens is that you GET BACK UP


[edit] oh yea, thanks for sharing DJSlain...and keep smilin'!

___________________
"...End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path...one that we all must take.
The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass...and then you see it...
...white shores...and beyond...the far green country under a swift sunrise."

Great story mate, I'm happy for you to be lucky now.

___________________


Best of the best:
Laurent Garnier - sambu

Congrats

___________________
The cruelest lies are often told in silence

Nuff Respect Bro...Nuff respect

___________________

I'm not the sentimental type, but reading some of these posts almost brought a tear to my eyes. Probably because I see so much of me in them.

....and yes, i'm glad i'm cured too. I've been getting such a great response in my message box of people who need help. I will be posting 2 more "analysis's about two subjects. Faith and an experpt of a VERY inspirational speech i've recorded of Lord of the Rings: Two Towers. I assure u that they will further help those who ask for help, but are too scared to admit it to the world. To all that have asked for help in my email and private message box, remember about hope. Hope is what keeps on moving. ok, time to start writing about hope. it should be up in about 2-3 days

following the new analysis, i will be looking for a script from Two Towers to find that inspirational speech from Sam near the very end about hope and evil. If anyone can find a link to the script before i do, i would be very thankful

___________________
Thank You and Goodnight

Last edited by djSlain on Feb-10-2003 at 04:24

Here is the experpt from Two Towers:





Sam:
I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened.
But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo:
What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam:
That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

___________________
Thank You and Goodnight

Last edited by djSlain on Feb-11-2003 at 03:24