|
X. General Dating Tips
Juggling More Than One Chick You can successfully juggle up to five different chicks (more if they are in different cities) provided they are in different stages of the relationship. Some things to remember:
· Gated community apartments Rule!. You don’t want a girl to be able to easily drop by without calling.
· Always hide your car when you go out. Park it away from the bar or restaurant you’re in.
· Go to different parts of town. Never take women to the same place as your other bitches.
Also essential to juggling multiple women is the proper use of telephony:
· Only give them you cell phone number. Nothing worse than hanging out with a new chick and your home phone rings and you have to get it. Also, then they have to try you on your cell phone and you can tell if they’re getting jealous or not. If they are, you can call them from the men’s room.
· If phone rings when you are with another chick, simply hit end and say it was your sister and you don’t want to deal with her. You could take this to the next level if you want: an advanced technique is to hit end but then hold the phone up to your ear and have an imaginary conversation with your sister. Then you can return the call from the men’s room or later on.
· Throw away your answering machine and get an answering service. If you come home and a girl can see that you have a call, she will always say “aren’t you going to listen to your messages?” Then you’re busted if its one of your other ponies. What you can do is to play the message low and then quickly delete it and say “Oh yeah, I already called her back.” If the chicks says “who.” You say “Oh, it was some lady who wanted me to paint her house, but I told her I don’t do that anymore.”
· Keep your cell phone with you always, and never let a woman play with it. Never let it out of your sight either. Chicks are devious. Tell them that you use it a lot for work , so if they do happen to see a Caller ID name, you can play it off.
· Delete inbound and outbound calls regularly from both your cell phone and your home Caller ID. Ideally, you should put in a password on your cell phone to prevent use while you are out, sleeping etc. A friend of mine was busted by one of his chicks who scanned his calls received and then called the other chick. Then one of them invited him out to breakfast one day and they both showed up and laid into him. It was ugly..avoid this by taking proper precautionary measures.
What To Do If You Are Out With One Chick And Run Into Another. Don’t’ panic! Play it cool and you’ll probably get away with it. Never ditch the chick you are with (chick #1) for Chick #2. Chick #2 is pissed off already, and if you go talk to her, then chick #1 is going to get pissed off also. Chick #1 is with you, so she’s probably cool with it. Just tell Chick #1 that Chick #2 is a rabbit boiler ex girlfriend of yours etc. If you play it cool, then you can even call Chick #2 the next day and patch it up with her too.
How To Repel The Early I Love You. If she says things like “I could really fall for you,” or “I think I’m falling in love with you,” then you are in a tough spot my friend! This is tough. I recommend blowing it off completely and changing the subject. You could also try something like “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me…I’m bad news.” This, however, only works if she is hinting at it..once she says it then you’re done.
Drunk Dialing. Never drunk dial an ex girlfriend, but feel free to try the booty call on girls you are currently sleeping with. Call her when you are with your boys out. Tell her where you are and ask if she’d mind if you picked up a bottle of wine and came over. More often than not, she’ll go for it.
How To Increase Your Desirability Using Email. Always get a girls email address. You can then drop them a quick “Hi” etc without looking like you are too interested.
Research Too often, guys make the mistake of being too cool to watch “chick shows.” Shows like Allie McBeal, Sex and the City, and Melrose Place can be excellent bullshit ammo. You can use this as filler when the conversation dies when you’re out hunting in the local bars. Try it: just mention last week’s episode of Funny Chick Show X and watch her face light up. They will find you fascinating in that you actually watch the show. You might also pick up some useful insights into chick behavior.
Everyone Wants What They Can’t Have. When in doubt, play it cool. Chicks will want you if they think they can’t have you. If they think you are too easy, too nice, too sweet..they’ll dump you.
Tough Questions & Answers:
How many women have you slept with? Always say “ I don’t know, definitely less than 20, do you want an exact count?” Then she’ll back off and change the subject. Never tell her the truth.
Complimenting Women. Do it often, and pick the features they are less likely to have heard before. For example, if she has beautiful eyes then tell her she has an amazing smile. Describe the way it opens sensuously when she’s concentrating or about to speak etc. Never ever tell a cute girl that she’s cute! Tell her she’s beautiful and she’ll be putty in your hands.
Never Use Her Name. Always pick a pet name for a chick like Sweetie, or Sweet Tits, or Jelly Roll. If you use their first name then eventually you will slip and call them by the wrong name. For example if her name is Stacy, then eventually you will be calling her Stace. Unfortunately, one day you’ll accidentally call her Steph (short for Stephanie…one of your old babes). You can save this though, but only if you’re quick. Mumble and stutter quickly like “uhhh, steph, stuff is totally out of control. This stuff sucks.” Most times she’ll miss the fact that you just called her another name.
Long Term Relationships. Try to avoid them. They totally interfere in you ability to get lots of chicks. If however, you decide to do it, she must have two out of three of the following: Pretty, Funny, or Great Body. Don’t settle for less, and never ever get married unless she has all three.
Falling In Love. If you think you’re in love then you probably are. It happens about once every seven or eight years. It can totally fuck up your relationship though if you tell her, so always wait for her to say it first. If you’re not in love with her and she is leading you to believe she is by saying shit like, “Billy, I could really fall for you,” or “Spanky, I think I’m falling in love with you.” Then you need to tell her “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me babe…I’m trouble.” Then laugh it off. She’ll read so much shit into that one little line, that she won’t bring it up again for months.
Naked Pictures. This can be a fun hobby, but is one that requires some setup work on your part. Work your way into it by getting her drunk and then asking to take a breast only shot. Next roll, get a whole body shot. Soon you’ll be worked up to total body and face naked shots. Photo labs will process any naked picture that is not pornographic; meaning there can’t be any contact with the genitals. This means that they probably won’t give you back the prints of her having fun with the fruitbowl, but if she’s naked on a bed, they have to print them. In any case, they won’t arrest you for it.
Sex in the Workplace. Go ahead, shit where you eat. I do it all the time. However, if you do decide to get a little worktang then be sure its clandestine from the start. – When you ask her out you should say “I like you, and I know we shouldn’t date people we work with, but would you like to have a beer with me? We can keep it a secret so we don’t have to deal with anyone in the office.” This is key because you can sleep with the girl in the next cube also, and they won’t ever find out about each other.
Keeping Records. I am a firm believer in keeping some sort of record for posterity. You should always memorize their first and last names also. I know it’s a hassle, but it will come in handy later in life. When you hit the 100 chick benchmark, they all start running together in you memory. You should consider keeping an electronic journal. Use a small tape recorder to put it all down. It will be fun to listen to later in life. Always lock this up in a safe deposit box or label it something else like “Statistic Notes From College.”
___________________
Peace 'n Love! • Mikey • Sydney, Australia. 
|
