quote:

Originally posted by Trancer-X A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just swallowed the cue ball off my pool table whole!", says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke. "He eats everything in sight, the little bugger. I'll pay for the cue ball and other stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks. "Now what?", responds the bloke. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his arse, then pulled it out and ate it!", says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

Haha, I heard that one before but it didn't register till the punch line. Thanks for that.

*wipes a tear away* im sorry I was gone everyone!

daffodil, marry me you drunken woman

jokes were gold!

Three horny friends, a white guy, a black guy and a Jewish guy decide to visit a prostitute.

The prostitute is so happy to get three customers at once that she offers them a deal, "You can pay by the inch," she says.

So the white guy goes in and comes out with a smile on his face, "Not only was she great," he says, "but it only cost me $75!"

Now the black guy goes in and comes out smiling, "She was good, and it only cost me $100!"

In goes the Jewish fellow and he soon comes out smiling, too. "Well, how much did it cost you?" the other two ask. "$20," he replies.

With that the other two begin to laugh hysterically. "You prune!" they say, "Do you even have a tool?"

"I'm not stupid," he says. "I paid on the way out."

Shit is a powerful word, so just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it!

Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.

CONSIDER THIS:

You can be shit faced,
be shit out of luck,
or have shit for brains.

With a little effort you can get your shit together,
find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.

You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away.

People can be shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded, shit on or shit over.

Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits.

There is bull shit, and horse shit and chicken shit.

You can throw shit,sling shit, catch shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can take a shit, give a shit, or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don't want any shit at all.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.

And remember, once you REALLY know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!!

*neccessary continuation of theme*

that shit shit is the shit.

quote:

Originally posted by Orbax *neccessary continuation of theme* that shit shit is the shit.

you're being as plane as a bagel, and you know it!

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"Those are my principles, if you don't like them... well, I have others.”

this is, without a doubt, the coolest thread!

quote:

Originally posted by eXStace this is, without a doubt, the coolest thread!

A-Ha! Someone has been enlightened!



MrS (wonders if daff has no electricity right now....occrider too for that matter)

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Click the sig to see MrSquirrel

-"Reality" is the only word in the language that should always be used in quotes.

i am starting drink...NOW!

I'll drink with you because I don't feel like studying but I think we'll just be waiting for daf. She's like the life of the party.

What are you drinking?

100 proof vodka, I have a pic of it in the Weekend Starts Now thread

quote:

Originally posted by Orbax 100 proof vodka, I have a pic of it in the Weekend Starts Now thread

fuck that

start pouring the everclear