MGS2

quote:

Originally posted by 6iki_Snake I almost signed up for the dutch equillavant of the commandos.

Yeh, those guys are NUTS.. my dutch friend was telling me about them.

Seriously tho:

This is her -->
This is you -->

You've got to straighten her out. Tell her that it's NOT OK to go ballistic for every little thing. If she can't understand that, then love or not, this relationship is going to be one battle after the other. I definately wouldn't stand up for that.

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"It's mercifully over. But a new phenomenon has taken hold. I recognize it: feelings. Now that they're back, even overcompensating, I never want to lose them again. Bitterness, anger, jealousy, sadness: They all make me happy."

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Originally posted by AwakenedAddict Yeh, those guys are NUTS.. my dutch friend was telling me about them.

i know, and im nuts enough to join in. Got thru all the tests with flying colours.

In every aspect of my life i had the balls to do anything, i always played rough as a kid, always did full contact sports, always went all the way. Ive got the scars to prove it. This is just a very different situation, i care about her so i dont wanna hurt her feelings, its true she gets pissed at me, but she cant lay a finger on me. And she knows this. so dont worry about her hitting me or sumthing, that just wont happen, or else i wont care for her anymore.
And i would just let her down hard.

i made my mind up, i will stand my foot down. Ive thought about doing that for 2 months now, before i posted here. I tried on severel ocassions, but never all the way down. Alot of opinions here are worth thinking over and i did. Thnx for the replies in any case.

ps. arbiter, nothing personal, but in what sense do i have NO self respect? The thing that was in my way was that in the first time in my life i really CARE about the girl instead of considering 'just sex nothing more'. I dont like being in the relationship anymore, thats true. But i still dont want her to get hurt.

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Originally posted by Vivid Boy i didnt read it but i saw a she in there. damn bitches

I think it's time for you to cowboy the fuck up and become a man. Take control over the relationship.

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Originally posted by whiskers pulp is gross, it feels like i'm swallowing someone's load

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quote:

Originally posted by 6iki_Snake ps. arbiter, nothing personal, but in what sense do i have NO self respect? The thing that was in my way was that in the first time in my life i really CARE about the girl instead of considering 'just sex nothing more'. I dont like being in the relationship anymore, thats true. But i still dont want her to get hurt.

Ok, I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long time: give helpful advice in a relationship thread.

Now, I didn't say you don't have any self-respect, I said you weren't acting like a man who had self-respect. It's an important difference, but what you have to realize is that just like the rest of us here on the forum, your girlfriend can't tell the difference: if you have self-respect, you have to act like it or she'll assume you don't.

What I mean when I say that you don't act like someone with self-respect is that you are obviously placing her interests far above your own on a consistent basis. I know that in your mind, you're just doing it because you care about her so much, but what you have to understand is that you make it look like you believe that you're not good enough for her unless you buy her things constantly, always let her have her way, apologize over and over again for a simple misunderstanding etc...

Let me put it another way. If you are a confident, self-respecting person why wouldn't you think to yourself: "This girl is lucky just to be going out with a great guy like me. It's a good enough gift to her just that I'm willing to set aside my other relationship opportunities in order to be with her, so I don't need to buy her anything but perhaps the occasional small gift just to remind her that I care. I'm not afraid to put my foot down on things which are important to me, because I don't think she can find a better guy than me, so she's not going to want to look elsewhere. I'm willing to apologize if I make a mistake, but I'm not going to take a whole load of abuse over a little miscommunication because I don't deserve it. If she can't handle me sticking up for myself, she probably isn't worth my time and that's no problem for me because there are plenty of nice, attractive women out there just dying to find a guy like me."

Now I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your relationship is already in serious trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if she was cheating on you already. The mistake you've made is a mistake that a lot of guys make: namely, you've stopped living the relationship for yourself and you've started living it for your girlfriend.

It's an easy mistake to make because everything seems to make sense: your girl obviously is going to like it when you buy her things, or let her have your way. And when something goes wrong, she's going to probably like it better if it's your fault than if she has to take some responsibility too. So you think you're just trying to make her happy.

But when you fall into a pattern of doing this over and over again, she'll appreciate it less and less and just start getting used to it. Instead of feeling like you're doing something special for her, she's not going to notice because you're just doing what you always do. The gifts and the sucking up to her will keep her interest for a while, but eventually it'll stop meaning anything to her and all you'll be is a guy who doesn't have the balls to stick up for himself anymore. And that's when she's going to start thinking about moving on and finding someone who projects a more confident and assertive image.

You're in a bad position, because you've already gone down that road and if you stop giving her everything she wants now, there's a good chance she'll break up with you. Still, it's a chance you have to take. If she breaks up with you, then you were screwed either way: because she will break up with you if you keep acting the way you are now. It's not a matter of "if," it's just a matter of "when."

If you're lucky, maybe she'll stick around. You'll probably have a few fights, but if you stand your ground and just try to be reasonable - by which I mean fair to both her and yourself, you might come out of them OK.

If it doesn't go well then all the advice I can give you is on how not to let yourself get stuck in this situation again. What you have to do is avoid falling into the trap of doing everything you can to please your girlfriend, but not go to the other extreme and totally ignore her either. You have to strike a balance where you're willing to get her a gift now and then, but you make it rare enough that it's really a surprise for her. You have to try to be fair and give her her way once in a while, but again, not every time: half or less is preferable. And don't just try to say whatever you think will make her the least mad. If she's angry at you for something, don't automatically say "sorry." Sit back, think about whether or not you really did anything so bad, and be honest and assertive with her regarding what you think created the problem.

Best of luck.

okay i totally misunderstood what you ment earlier, sorry.

but damn that post makes so much sense. You are saying things my mind has gone over and over again and it is making so much sense. I guess you hit that nail pretty hard on its head my friend. thnx.

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Originally posted by Vivid Boy i didnt read it but i saw a she in there. damn bitches

She sounds emotionally unstable, a.k.a. crazy. Get her committed asap.

But seriously, she's crazy. I'd be careful if you break up with her, she sounds like the kind that will stalk you and stuff.