omg i have the same problem as tribu , damn... some days its fine, and somedays i'm just not confident enough. it's a very bad thing , it's pretty embaressing actually.

It definetly is the "Fear Of Rejection", there has to be a way to get around this mentally... not with alchamahol or anything.

quote:

Originally posted by ::TranceVanDyk:: nothin wrong with bein in the V club. but u do have a problem when u cant even get with a girl to just have an innocent little drink at the coffee house. just do it, whats the worst that can happen? she says no? big DEAL move on, she's not interested, if she says yes, boom, youve got it, she interested, and either, she wont be offended. she should feel flattered either way. ive had to say no before, but i wasnt mad, i was very flattered though.

I probably lost my virginity earlier than most of the people on this board. Sexually I'm probably more experienced than many of the people who have responded to this thread. But all that changed when I went to uni.

As far as what the deal is, I don't know. It seems like there was a major gradual move from me being an incredibly social being to being radically introvertive and withdrawn. My liking of trance was definitely a big part of it, as when I first got into it, I didn't want to listen to anything else, and this drives away a large crowd. Past relationships are another part, of course, and some (read all) of my living situations have been pretty random and/or fucked up, which drove me further inside myself.

Basically what I'm saying is that the problem here goes a lot deeper than an inability to simply strike up a conversation with girls. I can sometimes do that (see: girls at work, girls in class groups, etc). But I have a major problem initiating anything at all, especially with strangers, and this really holds me back. Fear of rejection is likely a major part of it as Tobias said, but there are other mammoth self-worth issues at work here, and probably lots of other underlying ones too.

This thread has kind of turned into a circus. I don't necessarily need advice, I was just kind of putting some thoughts and stories down for the COR, as is practice around here. I know the way to get over this is to simply take the step and start talking to girls, but Im just not there yet. If you can give me advice on how to get there, that's welcome, but a desire for encouragement wasn't the point of this thread.

Take tobias advice. Get girl "friends". Its teh best thing evar.

___________________

quote:

Originally posted by ******** Seplling don't demonstrate intelligence and educatoin - knowing does.

quote:

Originally posted by Clovis86 Take tobias advice. Get girl "friends". Its teh best thing evar.

yeah...i have this friend from hs, she's really cool to just chill with...plus u know we'll go out and it doesn't hurt to be seen with a hot girl with boobies what was i saying? oh yeah boobies

___________________

fuckin pussy

___________________

im actually the same way, im fairly confident in myself, its just that I hate when people put me in awkward positions so I don't like to approach girls I don't know at least fairly well.

Do you get the heated head of doom when you try to hunt a chick down for teh kill?

I had this plan to ask this giel out & I went up to her & my head heated up & inertia flipped around & then a sudden sense of self overwhelmed me & then I heard "No!"
I was like "what?"
she was like "No I wont go out with you!'
& I go "thank fuck for that. I was getting a cold sweat & about to vomit all over you. I'll think ill just go to the pub tonight & pick up a drunken slut. seeya bitch, your ugly anyways."

....errrr, well it didnt entirely go like that; everything was true until my last sentence.

Ive just swallowed it on occations & beaten the heated head of doom. You never know, unless you give it a go. Youve got three chick to do it to. Im sure you'll get at least 1 out of three.

___________________

quote:

Originally posted by N|te-L|fe fuckin pussy

he wishes!!

___________________

im actually the same way, im fairly confident in myself, its just that I hate when people put me in awkward positions so I don't like to approach girls I don't know at least fairly well.

Tribu, the reason you don't ask these girls out and try to get a date is because you're simply afraid of rejection. Bottom line. You need to learn to overcome this fear of failure. Talk with some friends about their fears in asking out chicks (and yeah, they all got some), but concentrate on the part that made themselves do it anyway. You have to realize every male goes through this sort of ritual thing when asking out a female. If you approach it right, they will give you a polite hint if they're not interested instead of just a flat no that you can pick up on. You can also pick up on a mutual interest as well if you go about it right. Just don't bluntly approach a girl with a you wanna go out yes or no attitude.


[[[smoke]]]

Girl Nobody - Cages (Lemon8 Mix)

A friend of mine overcomes this shyness and difficulty having the balls to jump off that bridge and talk to girls by acting dumb and helpless.

I'm totally serious.

He'll approach a girl at a bus stop and ask if his outfit looks alright because he's not that good with colours. And girls love to help him out, and its not cheesy or sleazy.

It really works its quite funny, its a great ice breaker.

If being a confident guy and breaking the ice through smooth talking isn't your thing, then play dumb. Remember the episode of Seinfeld when George goes up to the girl and says "Hi, I'm George, I'm unemployed and live with my parents", and the lady likes him.

Well total honesty can really work. You go up to a girl and say, "look I'm really bad at this and don't really do it, but you seem like a really happy person, and I'd like to chat with sometime".

___________________
"The first stage of the great adventure has concluded happily, and here I am installed in Mexico, although I have no idea about the future" Che Guevara

quote:

Originally posted by tribu That might be it, but this girl was pretty hot, and I just dont see what shed want with me.

Here is your problem. You gotta believe you're the shit! But don't be cocky, just believe that you're worth it man. I personally never really had to ask out girls, every gal I ever had told me she liked me (or pinched my butt while passing me at a party) but that's because I projected an image or personality that they wanted and admired. Girls love confidence and can smell it a mile away. Seriously, people make rejection such a huge thing, when really, it's nothing huge. Worst case scenerio is that you get rejected....BIG DEAL! What's changed? nothing! as long as you don't get pissed and call her a name or insult her afterwards, you'll be fine. Rejection is a part of life, yet it also is at the root of every fear we have in life. Everyone wants to be part of something, whether it be a group of friends, or a relationship, etc. What you have to do is turn this fear against itself. Think about what fear will do to you if you let it control you? The things you will miss out on, the girls you could have gotten but you chickened out. That girl was obviously interested, and the least you could have done was made a friend. You put too much pressure on yourself from the start. If you just have the mindset of getting to know them instead of hoping they will go out with you, you will erase a huge mental block of pressure you put on yourself.