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i don't know what happened... but i can tell you this much ...
~ only time will heal & only time will tell.
YOU need to find it in YOUR heart to change things, - YOU have to want it! You need to stick to your guns in every single way you can think of in your life, if you make that promise to yourself and the people you have hurt. like someone else said, i think it was desidel, - people won't forget, but they can forgive. it's up to you now to stop putting up barriers and to show them your true self ... over time.
but first things first, - i think you need to ask yourself WHY you are drinking yourself into stupidity & why you think you need to drown your sorrows and what sorrows those are! you need to find that respect in yourself first before you can show others respect.
all the best to you Liam! you know you can do it! 
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life's too short~simply do!
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