Be really careful with the way you handle jealousy and the way you rationalize it.

I dated a girl that I was completely in love with for over a year, and in the end, it was her uncontrollable jealousy that utterly destroyed the relationship. Shit sucked.

Things like..
"I do trust you, I really do, I just get nervous sometimes"
"I won't control you, but I just really feel uncomfortable etc"

are completely normal things to say. But with the first one, it's not a lack of trust usually that is driving the jealousy, it's a sense of insecurity which is irrational, unless the person you're dating is scum. The second is just a blanket statement. Nobody who is normal will ever say "Im going to control who you can hang out with" and nobody who is normal would ever tolerate it. So I guess just be careful in the way you treat the times you get jealous. Try not to justify it, unless you know he's cheating on you or something, because justifying it will feed into it.

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If you choose to pull the trigger - should your drama prove sincere - do it somewhere far away from here.

We had just had dinner, and both of us had stuffed ourselves so much that we were feeling like shit (all you can eat buffets are evil). Both of us were a little cranky, and neither of us were really feeling the bar vibe.

Like I said though, he hasn't given me reason not to trust him. He is always telling me how much I am the perfect girl for him, and how much he cares about me. I don't mistrust him.

I think with this girl clearly flirting with him, and having totally snubbed me, I was feeling... defensive? Almost a catty side of me came out. She touched his shoulder and I was thinking to myself "get your pretty little fingers off of him before I break them off for you."

I told him how I didn't like her later, and he laughed, hugged me and said "baby, I don't want that stupid bitch. I want you. You never need to worry because you will always be the one leaving with me." That made me all mushy with him, but I still wanted to punch that chick out.

best thing to do in situations like that is to act all nice and sweet even if the girl is being a complete whore. most girls are all fucking weird and competitive, and if she sees that it bothers you, she'll feel good about herself... but if you act like a total carefree sweetheart, she'll probably be the one who walks away feeling insecure.

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Not being funny here, but jealousy to me is a sign of insecurity. If every girl I went out with got the hump when I spoke to another female other then her family and friends, I'd walk.

Theresa it's good you've not reacted, acting in a rational way if you threw a jealous strop then it's not good. It's all about trust and relaxing at the end of the day, regardless if this bird likes him he probably thinks exact opposite. If you show it won't bother you it's get points.

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You clearly need to relax.
To be honest it's that girl who should be jealous of you not the other way around. YOU'RE with him not her, YOU'RE going home with him not her, YOU'RE the one he thinks of at night not her. Just because she touched him, doesn't mean you should get all , what's that word, pissed off? Big deal she touched him. Why should she pay attention to you? She's a fuckin' bitch to do that so bluntly in front of you but hey, that's what catty jealous women do. She's also the type where if the rolls were reversed and you were flirting with him and he was her boyfriend she'd be all in your face saying "THAT'S MY MAN BITCH, BACK OFF." So IMO you handled it well and classy with just brushing it off.

I would be concerned though if my boyfriend was constantly reminding me of how perfect I am and constantly telling me he only wants to be with me and I'm the only one for him. Yes it's nice to hear it, who doesn't want to hear that, it would just make me sick of hearing it and question myself what I did or say to have him need to remind meand him say that allll the time and WHY he feels that he has to.

I tried to ignore it because I didn't like watching her trying to throw herself at him, so I turned away and started talking to a friend of mine who was there.

The only way I would have done/said something is if she had crossed the line... which is hard for me to describe, but I know when the line has been crossed. Then I would tell the little cretin that she best be finding someone else's boyfriend to skank it up with.

sometimes i do, but i don't get all psycho about it. i usually make a joke of my jealousy to my partner, rather than act on it seriously. i guess it's just my way of dealing with it and i get a much better reaction than if i were to get all seriously jealous and cause a fight over it.

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My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

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Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

quote:

Originally posted by Frenchie You clearly need to relax. To be honest it's that girl who should be jealous of you not the other way around. YOU'RE with him not her, YOU'RE going home with him not her, YOU'RE the one he thinks of at night not her. Just because she touched him, doesn't mean you should get all , what's that word, pissed off? Big deal she touched him. Why should she pay attention to you? She's a fuckin' bitch to do that so bluntly in front of her but hey, that's what catty jealous women do. She's also the type where if the rolls were reversed and you were flirting with him and he was her boyfriend she'd be all in your face saying "THAT'S MY MAN BITCH, BACK OFF." So IMO you handled it well and classy with just brushing it off. I would be concerned though if my boyfriend was constantly reminding me of how perfect I am and constantly telling me he only wants to be with me and I'm the only one for him. Yes it's nice to hear it, who doesn't want to hear that, it would just make me sick of hearing it and question myself what I did or say to have to have him say that allll the time and WHY he feels that he has to.

Well it isn't like he says it constantly... but he says it enough that I get the message without feeling like it's contrived drivel.

She didn't JUST touch him, she hugged him, asked him why he doesn't come to visit her, ignored me, and layed the skank charm on pretty thick. If she had ONLY touched him, I wouldn't have given a shit.. it was the entire little show she put on, trying to entice him. It irritated me.

Meh, after thinking about it, I don't really think it's jealousy, because jealousy would suggest that I am fearing the rivalry or concerned of him being unfaithful, which neither was the case. I think what really bugged me was the disrespect and bitchy attitude of the girl. The blatent dismissal of me, and the fact that he was with me was what was aggravating. She was clearly trying to start shit. THAT is what pissed me off.

None of us were there so none of us can really tell you how it went down but are you sure you're not over exaggerating a tiny bit? I know a lot of guys, with girlfriends, who hug their female friends so that shouldn't have set you off. As for " why don't you come and visit me? ", do you not allow him to visit female friends?'( but yes I would understand why YOU would feel upset about it) The ignoring you part was a pretty bitchy move but I wouldn't expect a girl who is flirting with my boyfriend to acknowledge me instead I would bring myself in the convo or think my boyfriend would notice this and bring me into the conversation so I wouldn't feel left out. This would either piss her off and walk away or just get the picture and piss off.

quote:

Originally posted by Theresa ...with my new boy....

wtf, you deserve to be jealous by saying that.

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Originally posted by Frenchie None of us were there so none of us can really tell you how it went down but are you sure you're not over exaggerating a tiny bit? I know a lot of guys, with girlfriends, who hug their female friends so that shouldn't have set you off. As for " why don't you come and visit me? ", do you not allow him to visit female friends?'( but yes I would understand why YOU would feel upset about it) The ignoring you part was a pretty bitchy move but I wouldn't expect a girl who is flirting with my boyfriend to acknowledge me instead I would bring myself in the convo or think my boyfriend would notice this and bring me into the conversation so I wouldn't feel left out. This would either piss her off and walk away or just get the picture and piss off.

No, I don't think I am exaggerating, because afterward he even said to me "I am surprised she was being so agressive with you standing there".

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Originally posted by tubularbills wtf, you deserve to be jealous by saying that.

Huh?

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Originally posted by Theresa No, I don't think I am exaggerating, because afterward he even said to me "I am surprised she was being so agressive with you standing there". Huh?

does your new boy have a name?