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Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On I think that you would do well to consider the fact that not everybody has the same family values as you. Of course I am stating the obvious, but just because you can hypothetically put yourself in what you believe to be her position and say that you would be happy knowing you had a long-lost older sister out there somewhere doesn't necessarily mean that she would be happy knowing that or knowing you, for that matter. I am not saying that she will be happy or unhappy or anything - I don't really know anything about this at all. Just consider the fact that this could bring a lot of heartache to people and might drudge up a lot of bad memories that people would rather forget. These sorts of things certainly have the possibility to end well, but consider how sensitive people are sometimes. And don't get me wrong, I don't think that you should just avoid confrontation entirely, or even at all - I think that you really should try to contact her. Just be prepared for whatever consequences occur, is all I am saying.

Yeah exactly...I'm well aware of that too. Which is what I'm concerned about. I did say a few posts up that I will be prepared to deal with whatever happens.

I guess this is more common than I thought....

When I was 19 I found out I had a half brother in Finland and a couple of years later I found out I had a half sister in Poland. Once in a while I wonder if I want to or should try to find/contact them but at this point it doesn't really matter since I live on a different continent....

Too difficult to give advise because I'm confused myself

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when she's 18 you two can do whatever you two want to do. until then, you shouldn't contact her directly. as a minor, her mom is totally responsible for her. had her mom wanted you to be in your half-sister's life, don't you think that the mom would have made an effort to contact you? i suggest you talk to the mom first if you want any contact before she's an adult.

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quote:

Originally posted by Spacey Orange when she's 18 you two can do whatever you two want to do. until then, you shouldn't contact her directly. as a minor, her mom is totally responsible for her. had her mom wanted you to be in your half-sister's life, don't you think that the mom would have made an effort to contact you? i suggest you talk to the mom first if you want any contact before she's an adult.

Didn't read any of my posts, did you?

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Originally posted by jennypie So, I have a younger (half)sister I haven't seen since my dad died. She'd be about 14 years old now. In a few years, after she's gone through the turmoil of being a teenager and shit, I'd like to get in touch with her. My question is, has anybody been through something like this before?? I'm worried how she'll feel about it, how it will affect her, etc. The thing is, my step-mother is a cunt...so I don't even know if Shivahn (my sister) knows she has other siblings. This might be a total shock to her, and I don't want to ruin her relationship with her mother by exposing what a lying greedy whore she is. Obviously this could go either way. But I prefer it go the good way. Thoughts?

Seems like a lot of people can relate.

I have 2 half brothers with whom I share the same mother, but we have different fathers (they have the same dad). The one brother I have infrequently kept in touch with my entire life, however, the other one, I was estranged to for 13 years.

I saw my one brother for the first time on my 19th birthday (the last time was when I was 6). It was something that could have been straight out of the movies. I will spare the details of our first meeting.

Anyway, it has been bittersweet. I have been in contact with him for 2 and a half years now (since my 19th birthday), but there really hasn't been any progress. I have seen him, my niece, and my sister in law only twice (yep, that's right... he has a whole family now), and have maybe spoken with them 5 times more than that. We only live a 40 minute drive from each other.

It's really hard to develop a relationship with someone after that long. They have their own life, as do you, and they have no attachment to you, or feel much need to become closer with you. You're like a stranger who has come out of no where and is expecting them to treat you like your other family would. It isn't the same. I wont lie... I have been horribly disappointed.

With that said, I wont give up. It means a lot to me to be involved in my niece's life, if not my brothers. I will make sure that she will know me as her aunt.

I have other half siblings from my father, but I have no idea who/where they are. I would love to get in contact with them one day.

Suggestion? Don't get your hopes up. I know you may have thought through in your head all these scenarios of going out with her and shopping or getting coffee and being the best of friends. That may never happen. It may not be pleasant. She may not want anything to do with you. You may experience what I am right now.

Another suggestion... don't wait. You know she is there now, you have the desire to contact her now, do it now. If you wait longer, that is a longer amount of time for her to grow up into her own life that may have no room for you. It is so important to get to know someone like that when they are younger, and still open to the world, rather than when they have gotten older and the mould has begun to harden, if you know what I mean.

I think if my brother and I had met earlier on, when life wasn't as set in stone, he would have been more responsive about being involved in my life, and I in his.

Not to mention, why would you want to waste time? Don't let the problem fester for another four years. Go and do it now. I think it will be better that way.

go for it.

one of my cousins who was adopted at birth found us when she was around 27 or so. and she fit in w/ the entire side of the family. it was a pretty amazing. unfortunately, she found us after her birth mother had died from cancer, just about 2 years prior (i think, it may have been sooner).

the sooner you do something, the better, i think. if it doesn't work out? oh well, then at least you won't have any regrets.

Good advice, T.

It's not really a problem...I mean I don't even know much about the situation myself. All I know is I have a little sister that I'd like to get in touch with.

I agree about not getting my hopes up, I'm definitely not. Even if we only meet the one time and nothing comes of it, I'd still like her to know I'm here...and I DO want to appease my curiosity about her.

Shit, she may not want to meet me at all! But it's worth a shot.


I don't agree about not waiting though. She's just going into her teen years...it's tough enough for girls as it is. I don't want to bring more drama into her life, especially because I don't even know what her life is like.

I've got quite a few years before I actually do this, so I'll have lots of time to really let it sink in, and ponder the possibilities and consequences.

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Originally posted by jennypie Good advice, T. It's not really a problem...I mean I don't even know much about the situation myself. All I know is I have a little sister that I'd like to get in touch with. I agree about not getting my hopes up, I'm definitely not. Even if we only meet the one time and nothing comes of it, I'd still like her to know I'm here...and I DO want to appease my curiosity about her. Shit, she may not want to meet me at all! But it's worth a shot. I don't agree about not waiting though. She's just going into her teen years...it's tough enough for girls as it is. I don't want to bring more drama into her life, especially because I don't even know what her life is like. I've got quite a few years before I actually do this, so I'll have lots of time to really let it sink in, and ponder the possibilities and consequences.

she may find comfort in you though. you could end up being the person she entrusts her inner most thoughts with.

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Originally posted by gehzumteufel she may find comfort in you though. you could end up being the person she entrusts her inner most thoughts with.

Still, the obstacle here is her mother. It's just best I wait till she's legally an adult, for many reasons.

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Originally posted by jennypie It's just best I wait till she's legally an adult, for many reasons.

/igk

oh waitm, thats oposite of igk

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Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On OOKA-OOKA ME NACHOS ME PRESS KEYS ON COMPUTER GOOD

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Originally posted by jennypie Still, the obstacle here is her mother. It's just best I wait till she's legally an adult, for many reasons.

Are you sure her mother will actually be an obstacle? I am sure if you called her up and explained to her that you wanted to be part of your sisters life she wouldn't say no.... not unless she is a heartless bitch.

I dunno, waiting is only going to drive the wedge in deeper if you ask me.

I have always thought how great it would have been to have my older brother there for me when I was going through my teenage angst years, and to have someone that I could trust and rely on. Not to mention, you're still young enough to do the silly sibling things like play fight etc.

When you get older, you grow out of that. You are going to waste 4 years of time that you could be making great memories with her, and developing a relationship.