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This talk about old lactating titties reminds me of the first time I ever touched a set of breasts.
I was out on a date with this hyper-sexual girl (who wanted to have sex with me at all costs), while I was... Lira. She mentioned something about boobs, and I made a joke about how weird breasts are. Then she asked me "Ever touched one? Wanna touch mine?". That was in a shopping mall, mind you, and we went to one of those "emergency exits" or something.
The apex was when she said "Look, because I had a child not long ago, if you squeeze hard enough, some milk comes out of it". And I was like, "ZOMG! How far can it go?". Unfortunately, it just dripped 
...
Sometimes I wonder how the hell that kind of thing happens to me 
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