So we got there around the same time, ordered our beer and made small talk while waiting for the beers. Once we got them I asked him to recap his last week, starting with Saturday night. I told him I was there for him and it was important to me that he be as honest and as detailed as possible.

He and this girl (let's call her Marie?) spent all day at some pirate festival with another mutual friend, drinking for like 6 hours. They went to another bar to continue drinking. At a certain point they agreed to go back to her friend's place where she was staying and fuck. They stopped at a gas station to get more condoms since he only had 2 (ironic no?). They get back to her friend's house and she doesn't have her key. They want to fuck so bad that they decide to rent a hotel room for the night. So round 1 he has the condom on, and they take a break, like I mentioned. He takes off said condom, meets her in the bathroom and starts kissing her at the sink. They move back to the bed and he *thinks* he said something to the effect of "hey the condom broke". I asked if she responded and he said he can't remember. This is a bad sign to me. They fuck again and he pulls out and busts on her chest. She notices no condom and says nothing and gets in the shower. After getting out she rips into him and calls him a lot of names and tells him she's going to tell all their friends. On Monday she texts him a long thing basically saying what I had posted in the original post, then Tuesday she tells everyone. Nobody except me and another friend had reached out to him personally.

I spent the next hour pretty much laying into him not only about how stupid that individual act was, but about his stupid decisions he's made over the last year and a half. According to him, he never hit a "panic" button with his last relationship and it was a mutual "drifting apart". He does regret breaking up with her though. He also regrets that he didn't spend more time overseas (which I learned was actually inspired by his FWB Marie), not sticking it out and continuing to travel after he got homesick. The last time we saw each other, he claims he was hung over, and not depressed. I asked about his drinking and smoking and he said that he has only gotten sick from drinking once in the past 6 months and during his time alone he has never gotten drunk to the point of passing out. His smoking habit has been an on and off thing for the last few years, something which his ex Karen hated.

I was very honest with him, I tried to relate to him as a caring friend as much as possible, because I let him know that he basically lost 50 friends in one day. I told him to distance himself from that group, and he said he already had to some degree. That wasn't good enough for me and I told him that he needed to continue to distance himself, maybe even going so far as leaving the chat channel. He didn't agree to that, which is fine, that's his choice, but it was something I recommended. I also mentioned professional help, and continuing to try to spend time getting in tune with his own self. He is looking for a place to live and looking for a new job. I told him once he gets that, he needs to buy a bag of weed and drive out into the country and spend some time just by himself, resetting his emotions and finding time to think. As far as future relationships, he's not sure. And these are some things that I certainly can't help with.

At the end of a brutal hour of interrogation, we had another hour of just normal chit chat and beer. Hugged it out afterwards (a first for us) and went our separate ways. I hope that he woke up with a renewed sense of things, knowing that we were able to hash things out in a way where pretty much nobody has ever asked him about any of this stuff before. I think he needed it, and he agreed. I told him that I had been on the receiving end of difficult conversations before and that I knew how it felt. They suck, but they are ultimately necessary. If anything, I hope that this made him stronger as an individual, and I hope he took some of my advice to heart. We will see how that pans out for him, because his future is in his own hands now.

___________________

Set Archive | TA DJ Challenge