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| quote: | Originally posted by ferrycorstenfan
this may be my first intelligent post in 2000 odd, but here goes...
The thing most people don't understand is what being depressed actually is, it's not just when ur team loses the match or you see someone in the same outfit (girls there) There comes a point when everything gets to you, the hardest thing is not admitting it, but doing something about it. I suffer from serious seasonal deffective syndrome, and it can make me feel so low in winter, and it's not something one sunny day can fix, it's sadly something you live with. If you haven't been through it, theres no point trying to understand fully, cos you never will until it happens.
When ur depressed things get to you, maybe you become more agitated, irritable, unpredictable, but one thing does happen, and that is that you don't think rationally. You can tend after a while to see things in a bad way, and never see the good thing of stuff, I know, i'm there, people who wanna take the piss don't know anything, and should be shot to be honest.
Suicide is something that people turn to, as a way out of the routine, it is irrational yes, but you don't think like that, You get yelled at everyday for years, maybe people put you down, bully you, take the piss cos u don't fit in with the crowd, either way, it does affect you to a certain extent, and it's a choice.
With how shit my life is, I've had many times when I've considered it, but I've never had the guts to go through with it, and tbh without the support of certain TAs who know who they are, I probably wouldn't be here now, I don't see much else to live for, but when sum1 believes in you, it makes things a lot easier.
Personally, as sum1 whos been depressed for 7 years, Kai Tracid appeals to me, mainly cos of the lyrics which all mean something, like the following....
For just one day
I wanna break all regulations,
Because we all go the same way,
and we all pass the same stations.
For just one day
I wanna feel totally free,
no responsibilities, just everything is okay.
No desires, just surviving is the key.
For just one day
I wanna ignore our senseless fate,
Colours are victorious over the grey,
stop to get controlled by the state.
For just one day
I wanna forget the value of money and gold,
I wanna live life my way,
and loose my inhibition threshold.
One called Suicide
Have you ever thougt about committing suicide?
Leaving the world behind?
The sorrow, the pain and the fear
Of the unknown future
delivering from any human needs and pressure
in just one second
your cry for help is lost in this lonely world
in which you are completely alone
nobody helps you when you`re feeling down
and the loneliness is breaking your heart
it would be so simple to go down
the stairs of the final way
but the fear of the unknown world beyond,
of having nothing, of being nothing
keeps you on your designated way
and takes away your longing for self-destruction
that is why
you will never commit suicide
Too many times you have been high
Too many times you ran away, no need to cry
Too many times your body lies awake
Too many times these pills you take
Too many times you've woken up depressed
Too many times you put your life to the test
Too many times you've taken this trip
Too many times you have slipped
Too many times your body can't take
Too many times you've made a mistake
Too many times you haven't realized
Too many times your mind became paralyzed
Now whatever you make think to the music, words like that reach out, cos they verge on understanding, or describe situations that I'm used to, it's shit having to get up, remember to take 3 pills a day & barely manage to get about, hurting to do anything normal.
So Next time you see sum1 whos suicidal, don't think about laughing, there's no point, and if you push them over the edge, and believe me, if I was egged on in a reverse way, by sum1 laughing at me, daring me to do it, i'd probably do it, think before you say something, cos you don't need to understand their personal circumstances to get that they're low.
[/weirdemotionalpost] |
right on brother ian!
sum of you that know me, will know that i tried a little over a month ago, but failed obviously. but thats not what im ere to talk about, cos im fed up of talking about it already.....
suicide is probably the one thing in life that your probably not likely to do, through whatever reason... be it, fear of death, or fear of leaving your loved ones. but im hear here to say, that i back suicide 100%. As depressee i have tried suicide about 4 times now, the last time as i said was a month ago, the rest of the times being about 5 years ago when i was 15/16.
The last time i tried, i had taken an overdose after i finished work, it was about 12 o clock in the afternoon, my dad wasnt at home. i had 20 quid in my wallet, just enough to buy me a big bottle of vodka, and a pack of paracetamol. as soon as i got back from the sop, i started on the vodka, and then straight away on the paracetamol.... swallowing 4 at a time, in 30 secinds i had finished the pack of paracetamol, and 5 minutes later, id finished the bottle of vodka. im not sure how much time had passed, perhaps 15 minutes, then i started to feel fucked. after a further couple of minutes X-hale foned me, i have no idea what was said, as i was completely shitfaced. then after that, everything is blank. the next thing i remember is my dad shouting at me to wake me up..... he had returned from work, to find me unconcious on my bedroom floor, with blood coming from my head, which i dont know how it happened.
Next thing, im being rushed into hospital where i was treated and had to see a psichiatrist, whom i had to tell about my fucked up childhood, of my stepdad beating me up, my alcohol addiction at 15, me trying to kill myself when i was younger. all of which my dad had no idea about.
now, a month later, here i sit everyday day, drinking, and unable to sleep at night. i lost my girlfriend (which is why i tried to kill myself)..... then after returning to work after attempting suicide, i lost my job on the very same day.
I tell everyone about my situation, but it dosnt help... it never does.. because at the end of the day, if you wanna commit suicide, you wanna do it because you dont want to be alive anynmore. i still feel like it now...... theres not a day passes that i dont think about running downstairs and grabbing the biggest knife and slitting my throat.
this is not meant to be a constructive, helpful post..... but my message is... if ever you do feel like this... call your friends, although they can do jack shit to dig you out of your hole.... they are the best lifeline you have. you yourself have to deal with whatever mountains life throws at you.... trouble for me is, life just so happened to fling mount everest at me...... bugger! 
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Bring it on down son, so you can get done, I got more styles than the miles to the sun,
Ninety three million five thousand flows, and heres one more for the HOoOoOoOOO'S!!!
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hmmm
