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I've been collecting these for quite sometime... these are some of my favs...
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
A baby seal walks into a club.
Three men walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
It's lonely at the top but you eat better.
Is there life before coffee?
I may be fat but you're ugly and I can lose weight.
Wanted: Overnight meaningful relationship.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
If it jams, force it, if it breaks, it needed to be replaced anyway.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
Don’t hate yourself in the morning—sleep till noon.
Entropy isn’t what it used to be.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
If you’re not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
If you don’t change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Department of Redundancy Department
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
A dirty book is rarely dusty.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
As long as I can remember, I’ve had amnesia.
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
Everyone hates me because I’m paranoid
If I were you, who’d be me?
Illiterate? Write for free help.
Kleptomania: take something for it.
Locked coathanger in car. Good thing I had a key.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.
One good turn gets most of the blanket.
People say I’m apathetic, but I don’t care.
Plasma is another matter.
Stupidity got us into this mess, why can’t it get us out?
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the dwarfs began to suspect “Hungry”.
Without Time, everything would happen at once.
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SONIC BOOM!
