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Originally posted by Theresa I was curious because a girlfriend and I were talking about it, and she mentioned how she and her BF always fought, and then told me it wasn't normal that my BF and I didn't. I wanted to know what the general concensus was on that one.

I would guess that it is not very statistically normal. But that in itself tells one nothing about whether it is good.

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Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up?

Arguing, sometimes heatedly, but almost never shouting at each other, and never getting violent with one another.

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Originally posted by Theresa Something else I would like to know... along with whether you think it normal/healthy or not, did you ever see your parents fighting when you were growing up? I wonder if this has a large influence on the opinions in regard to this.

i saw nothing but fighting and even a little violence growing up (mom and stepdad, not my real dad), and i am the opposite, so it doesn't always shape who you will become.

granted, i've had my share of dramatic relationships with mild violence and lots of drama, but i'm 25 years old now, and i learned at a young age that it's not healthy.

i mean, i know chicks in their 30's who are still with assholes and just don't seem to get it. i'm glad i went through that phase when i was like 19 and 20. i learned quickly that it's not what i want or need. it shouldn't be what ANYone wants or needs.

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Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

I only recall one "fight" between my parents. I don't know how old I was...young, though. Even then it was just verbal, mostly mom stressing on something dad was doing or not doing. I hid behind a door so I could listen, but I don't know what was said. Maybe they hit me with a brick and I forgot.

Oh, something shiny! *Skips away*

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Originally posted by tranceDJ Therefore, as long as a guy isn't a dick and the girl doesn't do shit like that there really shouldn't even be any fights in a relationship.

umm, maybe if you're just in a cutesy little relationship with no real responsibilities as a couple. it's a whole new picture when you move in together and start paying bills together, and even eventually have a kid together and get married

obviously that's on a more serious scale, but your comment above is definitely not true. that's my only point.

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My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

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Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

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Originally posted by Slylee umm, maybe if you're just in a cutesy little relationship with no real responsibilities as a couple. it's a whole new picture when you move in together and start paying bills together, and even eventually have a kid together and get married obviously that's on a more serious scale, but your comment above is definitely not true. that's my only point.

I mean "fights" as in yelling and screaming at each other, basically letting things get way out of hand...of course there will be arguments over bills and such but as long as both parties are laidback for the most part, they should be able to talk things out maturely.

"Disagreements" are definitely healthy for a relationship, it's not human nature to agree with each other constantly. However "fighting" (yelling, screaming, saying hurtful things, etc.) is not healthy in the slightest bit...sure it's going to happen sometimes but should be kept to a minimum because it just harms the relationship.

in a perfect world though right...

one of my biggest pet peeves when i'm in a relationship is arguing in front of people or letting the world know, "hey we're fighting".

i dunno why it just drives me mad. i'd rather us just be quiet or whatever and act like things are ok until we can continue working it out in privacy.

___________________

My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

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Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

i've been totally guilty in the past of being the bitchy girlfriend who instigates a fight out of sheer boredom or need for attention. i don't do it as much anymore (RJT and i have a very healthy relationship and i really hate fighting with him)... but man i fought a LOT with my ex-boyfriends.

i think the biggest reason for it though was because i was living with them, and didn't have enough of my own space or freedom. when you're around someone more often it's a lot easier to get pissed off and argue or fight over the stupidest most pointless shit. also when you're living with someone you have no "escape" or break from the drama/arguement/fight/whatever and sometimes it can last a little longer than it should.

there were definitely some classic moments though... throwing irons through walls, punching holes in walls, kicking furniture over, running over the boyfriends foot with my car, throwing jewelry in the garbage, pouring beer on the boyfriend, running away and not speaking to the boyfriend for an entire weekend... LOL, i was a bit of a psycho.

i think my experiences with disagreements in past relationships has turned me into the kind of person who despises unnecessary drama... and even though i still have those moments where i act more stubborn or bitchy than i should, i try my best to handle all disagreements in a mature way.

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quote:

Originally posted by Slylee in a perfect world though right... one of my biggest pet peeves when i'm in a relationship is arguing in front of people or letting the world know, "hey we're fighting". i dunno why it just drives me mad. i'd rather us just be quiet or whatever and act like things are ok until we can continue working it out in privacy.

+ fucking 1

quote:

Originally posted by Slylee in a perfect world though right... one of my biggest pet peeves when i'm in a relationship is arguing in front of people or letting the world know, "hey we're fighting". i dunno why it just drives me mad. i'd rather us just be quiet or whatever and act like things are ok until we can continue working it out in privacy.

last friday Rob and i were driving home from a show in Chicago and we had 2 friends in the car with us. something came up and it caused some drama/arguing between Rob and i. it was really not a big deal and we diffused the situation quickly, but i felt SOOOO shitty afterwards (it was totally my fault) that i apologized to both of our friends and explained the situation to them.

i absolutely hate when couples fight in front of their friends. it causes so much unneccesary drama and tension... and usually it's because they're just attention whores who can't keep their drama private.

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Originally posted by lücid i've been totally guilty in the past of being the bitchy girlfriend who instigates a fight out of sheer boredom or need for attention. i don't do it as much anymore (RJT and i have a very healthy relationship and i really hate fighting with him)... but man i fought a LOT with my ex-boyfriends. i think the biggest reason for it though was because i was living with them, and didn't have enough of my own space or freedom. when you're around someone more often it's a lot easier to get pissed off and argue or fight over the stupidest most pointless shit. also when you're living with someone you have no "escape" or break from the drama/arguement/fight/whatever and sometimes it can last a little longer than it should. there were definitely some classic moments though... throwing irons through walls, punching holes in walls, kicking furniture over, running over the boyfriends foot with my car, throwing jewelry in the garbage, pouring beer on the boyfriend, running away and not speaking to the boyfriend for an entire weekend... LOL, i was a bit of a psycho. i think my experiences with disagreements in past relationships has turned me into the kind of person who despises unnecessary drama... and even though i still have those moments where i act more stubborn or bitchy than i should, i try my best to handle all disagreements in a mature way.

exactly. i was pretty much just like that too. i've had some crazy ass moments in my past that involved shit like that. so i dunno, i guess in a way, growing up and seeing nothing but fighting and drama had its effect on me. i'm just thankful that it ran its course and that it was more like a phase of me trying to find myself and grow up in that sense. also, i think drugs played a huge role in most of the drama that was a part of my past relationships.

i remember we had matching stories about our ex's throwing all our shit out on the lawn. hahaha

dude, i'll never forget that day as long as i live, for so many reasons.

i came home at 11 in the morning one time after my ex ex and i had called it quits, but were still living together until i moved out. i didn't think he'd give a shit because we were pretty much doing our own thing, but i was wrong. i pulled up to the parking lot and every piece of clothing i owned was in the parking lot and dangling from the stairs. hahaha

jesus christ what a day that was...

___________________

My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

quote:

Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

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Originally posted by Slylee i remember we had matching stories about our ex's throwing all our shit out on the lawn. hahaha

that's right!

(except we didn't have a lawn so all my shit was piled up in garbage bags in a parking space in the underground garage)

and yah, if you don't have like a totally amazing and secure relationship... booze/drugs always lead to drama and fights!

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