in redneck culture it is acceptable for some reason i guess. No offense squirrely, but just because you were dumb enough to put up with that shit does not make you smarter for it.

If you went back, you are an idiot no matter what the excuse. Did you end up being with him forever? No...therefore what was the fucking point. Good riddance, i don't need to have been beaten to express that.

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quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly Oh, please. Your reaction would have been quite different if you have so do us all a favor and go suck your boyfriends dick. And Bas, 5 years.

Ah shit son, I was totally kidding, sorry to hear that. Glad you made it out ok and found someone that isn't a total waste of life

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Originally posted by squirrelly For one, those of you who are screaming (yukii) that a girl who stays in an abusive relationship is a dumb bitch - until you've been there, shut your goddamn mouth. An abusive relationship is a touchy subject, but they usually develop over time. A person can be with someone for years before they start showing signs of abuse - and even when they do, it's so gradual you barely notice. A fight that got out of control here, words that were said there, and then *bam* it happens, you get pushed down. You're not really sure if it's an accident or not or what exactly happens and that's where it all starts. Once you're in there and that person starts getting control of your life, it is VERY hard to get out - because before the hitting starts, there's already been a lot of mental abuse. A girl who gets the shit beat out of her, ends up in the hospital, and THEN goes back is a fucking idiot. One who isn't really sure what's happening is just scared. Once you finally get out of that situation though, one of two things happen - #1 you find an equally as abusive schmuck (which at that point, you are a moron and deserve the beating) or #2 you get a little therapy to get you to understand what happened and then continue on with normal and healthy relationships (hopefully) from that standpoint on. I do think it is worth mentioning, however, how long that cycle takes to develop and how utterly terrifying it is the day that you wake up and realize what happened.

That's actually really good insight. How do you feel about what I said then? About the whole "perpetuating the woman/victim stereotype"?

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly That sucks Jenny The worst part is, you can try and talk sense into your friend again and again and again - but until she reaches her breaking point, she'll never listen. She has to come to it in her own time. :/

Ah sorry...when I said "care for" I meant a retired couple at work. I have no idea how to even approach such an issue. Which sucks, because they do fight, and I can tell he gets nasty with her. Sometimes they'll come down to the dining room and she'll clearly have been crying, and his face is all red and he's clearly angry. Shit pisses me off.

I mean I know some interventions I can implement to help her cope with the stress....but it's just too bad that it's too late for her/them. Honestly, they're in their 80s; like they're really going to talk about their marital problems now, or even acknowledge what's going on.

The guy I was with was definitely no redneck. On the surface, he was perfect on paper. An electrical engineer, shy, quiet, good family, played in a band... etc. And it wasn't about being dumb enough - It was about being confused and not understanding what was happening. It's a viscous cycle - guy does something wrong, spends x amount of time apologizing, spends x amount of time behaving perfectly, and then it happens all over again. Looking back on it now I see all the warning signs, but THEN I did not. By the time I got out of there my head was all over the place because of all the mental jedi shit that had gone on, and I had no one to turn to because he had pulled me away from everyone I knew. That person who does that has the capability to make you feel like you deserve it - even if you were a completely confident person when you met.

Thank God I found my breaking point prior to anything permanently damaging happening, is all I have to say. And found myself in a healthy and happy relationship that I never knew could exist.

//edit

the guy I'm with NOW is a redneck, and a perfect gentlemen to boot. Get your facts straight

Last edited by squirrelly on May-05-2009 at 22:23

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly Oh, please. Your reaction would have been quite different if you have so do us all a favor and go suck your boyfriends dick.

hmm.. i was with that guy for more than a year.. on & off though bc i started noticing his abusive ways & how it was wrong for me to put up with it.. so i dumped him & he pretty much stalked me afterwards for the next 2 yrs.

quote:

Originally posted by jennypie That's actually really good insight. How do you feel about what I said then? About the whole "perpetuating the woman/victim stereotype"?

Until I was in that situation, I was always "women who are abused are so fucking stupid, how could they let it get to that point" - and then it happened to me, so I have a whole different perspective on it now. I think a girl IS a victim when that happens - but not because they had been abused all their life or that they have daddy issues and are insecure. I hadn't been abused, I had no daddy issues, and my family life was great. I was a secure and confident woman when I met him. The mental breakdown didn't really start until two years into the relationship... and then it didn't get physical until year 3 or so. It is SO hard to get OUT of that situation! So much harder than people think.

Once you're out though, there is NO excuse for 1. going back or 2. getting stuck in a relationship like that again.

quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly The guy I was with was definitely no redneck. On the surface, he was perfect on paper. An electrical engineer, shy, quiet, good family, played in a band... etc. And it wasn't about being dumb enough - It was about being confused and not understanding what was happening. It's a viscous cycle - guy does something wrong, spends x amount of time apologizing, spends x amount of time behaving perfectly, and then it happens all over again. Looking back on it now I see all the warning signs, but THEN I did not. By the time I got out of there my head was all over the place because of all the mental jedi shit that had gone on, and I had no one to turn to because he had pulled me away from everyone I knew. That person who does that has the capability to make you feel like you deserve it - even if you were a completely confident person when you met. Thank God I found my breaking point prior to anything permanently damaging happening, is all I have to say. And found myself in a healthy and happy relationship that I never knew could exist.

yea and the guy who did it to me was a prettyboy chiropractor who drove a 120k benz. it's not a redneck thing jay. any guy can be that way.

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My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

quote:

Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

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Originally posted by yukii hmm.. i was with that guy for more than a year.. on & off though bc i started noticing his abusive ways & how it was wrong for me to put up with it.. so i dumped him & he pretty much stalked me afterwards for the next 2 yrs.

Ok dating someone who has "abusive ways" which I'm interpreting as "treated you like trash", who then "pretty much" stalked you (which I'm interpreting as internet stalking and calling and trying to get back together) is NOT the same thing as being in a several year abusive relationship where you LIVE with the person who is abusing you. Which is why you reacted the way you did - because you have NO fucking clue what you're talking about, so shut your stupid fucking mouth.

let me rephrase actually, because my comment was a bit harsh.

i don't like getting personal, but the issue hits a nerve with me big time.

My father was an uncontrollable drunk who used my mom as a punching bag(guess what, he was not like that before he had kids. My mother would justify this by saying he could be helped and stayed with it because of her 3 kids. BIG FUCKING mistake. That line of thinking lead to an escalation, exposing her children to it. I grew up as a nasty teenager who got into trouble because of it. (see fights every week, i went to 7 different high schools)

My mother knows she was a dummy now, and we don't pity her for it. Part of what helped us all get over our issues was calling her out on it. My sisters are strong independant women because of that, and i did not follow in my father's footsteps. Had the tie been cut the first time it happened, all of this unnecessary hardship would of been avoided.

In the end all that counts is that he is a homeless person who has ruined his own life without anyone that cares about him. Maybe if he had seen the door earlier he could have woken up and saved himself from this fate. I have no pity for men like this, not even for my own blood.

/rant.

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quote:

Originally posted by squirrelly you have NO fucking clue what you're talking about, so shut your stupid fucking mouth.

Yeah. Preferably with a dick. Silly whore.