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| quote: | Originally posted by Mr.Mystery
Bonzai has always done this and it never made any sense to me. It was completely pointless to purchase any of their compilation CD's since everything was edited. |
I was selfish, i was wrong, now that you are gone nothing makes any sense.
All these years of shit and struggle, only to have brief moments of happiness with you by my side.
You understood me more than i did, you let it slide when i repressed my pain with vile liquid.
You smiled, you made me feel like it was ok even when it wasn't, you stood by me and i never gave half of what you did.
It wasn't because i didn't love you, depression is a 2 headed snake that never stops biting.
It isn't because I didn't want to get better, i tried, i tried, i lied, then i cried.
Could never catch that happiness from within, latched to your door i clutched and dragged you down into my depths.
Did it all loving you more than myself, can't look in the mirror, never could...a handsome man rotten from the inside.
A childhood robbed and an adulthood spent getting by on my outer shell...
That is all it was a shell hollow and dark the echoes bounce through the nothing within.
Now the only person i ever loved is gone...the only one my heart mind soul and body was ever faithful to.
Her love now hate, my cries too late, I am stuck with this bag of shit for a heart broken and smeared like cheap lipstick on the wall.
Selfish Selfish Selfish. Even when i tried to rise up the demons of my past never let me.
I am weak, you are right in not wanting me anymore, you can be happy, you deserve better..fucking eggshells no more.
I can't even write this to you, because i want you not to have to live more of this festering shit.
It had to come up, i need to make peace before whatever is next.
Depression is a cruel whore, i'm taking her with me....she can't hurt me where i am going.
I was always afraid of the pain, of what would happen, such a chicken shit not realizing.
The pain is temporary and will be gone, and when it is nothing will be left.
No more having to live like this, being scared is no use...the fear won't last either...nothing just nothingness.
Sweet nothingness with no more pain.
To my family I am sorry, you tried to love me and did...it was my fault...these actions do not reflect you.
It is all about me, because i am the selfish one...i just can't take the repercussions of wallowing in self pitty and could have should have would have.
I've always been selfish, but this will be the last time i will be...no longer in anyone's way, not even my own.
I'm ready to sleep, i'm sorry for everything julie...may the sun shine bright on you.
I'm not afraid anymore...it ends now.
goodbye sweet friends, it is all on me and no one else's fault.
finally i won't have this stigma to live with anymore.
no funerals, no crying.
___________________
nobody cares about your soundcloud.
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