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I think I'm pretty much ready to go. Seems like I always spent my life being late to certain things and having to work myself in a frenzy just to catch up. Things like learning how to read or being able to tie my own shoes as a kid, I caught on slow. Wasn't very good at making friends or having a social life until I was in Junior High. Did the good student thing for a while in High School, rarely ditched class or went out all night with other teens. But by the time I hit 21, I was in dire need of something new and exciting and then I turned towards the parties and the all-nighters. But again I felt like I had arrived a little late to that life. I had a few older friends who had done a lot of crazy stuff in their late teens and were now just slowing down, so I had to meet other people who were a few years younger than me in order to be on the same page.
As the parties got wilder and the drug use got heavier, I just kept telling myself that I was making up for lost time, and that Life was fragile and any minute I could be taken out of the game and then I would truly regret missing out on all the fun I should have had earlier. But by doing so I lost sight of my goals and future. I was too caught up in living in the moment, I just squandered all my money away over the years, not just on the parties, but for also trying to help out my party buds here and there, mainly driving them to places they needed to go and normally picking up the tab for the gas. By 28 I was broke and jobless, and those people who I had helped out and who I thought would have my back when I needed them, were nowhere to be found. I suppose if I had started partying as a teen in my life, I probably would have learned that lesson much earlier, but again I was late.
Now I'm 31. I went back to school and earned my PhT Certification, which is now going to waste because I can't find a job in my immediate vicinity with it. I do have a full time job at a warehouse, where I now bust my ass at and have worked for almost a year. So far I've managed to earn back and save up most of the money I had blown through during my twenties. The future's looking a little more brighter for me and yet that same feeling of being late in Life and struggling to catch up is more prominent than before. As been said previously, I have felt my own energy and self-worth drained over the years. I've seen a lot and dealt with a lot now. I look back at most of the party and rave pics from the 00's and instead of bringing me joy, they just make me sad, since some of those people in those photos are either no longer alive, or they changed into addicts or manipulators and users. I know there are things I still want to do, like travel the world or get a novel published. But if I was told that I only had a few days to live, I doubt I'd be too upset over the news. I wouldn't go out happy, but I would go out with a little bit of dignity. At least death would be the one aspect out of this ineffectual journey that wasn't tardy. Some people would miss me, but they'd get over it.
Last edited by Zharen on May-09-2014 at 00:12
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haha this guy is fucking awesome, can't believe i didn't hear about him before.
