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| quote: | Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
Fetishism is the translation of non-sexual objects into sexual objectification. If his opening line - as in approaching a stranger - is "Hey, are you Asian?" then he would be quite directly objectifying this person he presumably wants to get to know (for whatever motives) in a manner that distills her into her race, rather than her disposition, her name, even her perfume, etc.
Obviously this is an obtuse way of looking at social interaction, because I am with you guys that there's nothing terribly egregious about asking someone about their heritage. But we need to be more honest, more specific about this: as a woman, what does a dude who approaches you in a bar probably think about Asian women? Ignoring stereotypes does not mitigate them, and he'd already given notification that he's fucking 'interested in Asians'? Nah, fuck that guy.
And as men - many of us white men, at that (sorrynotsorry, Karim ;P) - we have to understand that the balance of power is absolutely in our favour. No, I am not saying that women are powerless in our society, but the worst a woman is going to do is laugh at a man in rejection -and I dunno about you guys, but that has never happened to me (sorrynotsorry, Nou ;P)- whereas the worst a man, with all of his entitlements and a bit of alcohol, who feels scorned and humiliated? Think about what some men might do. Not most men, but some.
Atop of all that is the extremely problematic notion that "she should have expected it". I think that most of us get what the guy in Nou's class was saying; if you're in a bar, that is a common place for people to hook up! It shouldn't surprise you to be hit on at a bar! And there's nothing wrong with that. But the wording is endemic of very real male entitlement that is no minor cause to very real problems women face, not limited to rape and assault; The implied notion that she's "free game" as if she is mere currency is the troublesome crux of -somewhat literally- untold grief in our society, because it defaults that patriarchal folkways are the potency by which to obtain reproductive rights, thereby reducing women to objects once more; and the kicker is that we're all conditioned to play into it, and women are still assaulted, still earn less on the dollar, still governed out of access to necessary healthcare, still the fulcrum by which the developing world hinges upon, and yet still ignored for it all.
I know it sure must seem like I am making a mountain out of a molehill, and I don't entirely disagree when it comes to this example- Nou's class probably did overreact, and the woman in the bar probably overreacted, too. But these things matter, and they matter in the most insidious ways that we are remiss to fully grasp because us men will never quite know what it is like; still calls for a whole lot more understanding, as we stand to become much better than we are. |
this is such a good post.
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