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I can't believe i left this out, but it relates to trauma similary to LadyLuck's.
I am VERY sensitive to gruesome images. I once wanted to kill and mutilate people, as well as myself, but now i have been almost brainwashed to feel completely disgusted with gruesome images.
Before i was confronted with all this, i used to like going to sites such as Rotten (almost a household name since it's increasing popularity brought on by howard stern) and another site i dare not mention because of it's VERY violent content.
anyways, i used to frequent the sites and nothing would disturb me about them. I'd seen bodies crushed and crippled in every which way. I still wonder why me and so many others have this infatuation to see violent images.
But now it's all changed. I remember the first time i went to the movies alone after being released from the hospital.
The Ring.
I absoluetly loved this movie! however, there were two images that were stuck in my head for a VERY long time and would disturb me in my sleep. The presentation of the girl in the closet and the part in the video were a thumb is pushed onto a thumbtack and all the way through. Me and my friend's shared our expereinces after the movie was released. I was the only one who would sleep on the floor because i feared something would come out from under my bed. I kept seeing mutilated bodies walked to me and opening their bodies when i closed my eyes. The worst image i ever had was seeing a man dig his hands into the middle of his chest and then opening his ribcage with his bare hands.
One night as i worked on the computer i got a sudden image in my head (sorry i don't remember the content) and suddenly i became very paranoid. I saw things moving in the dark and thus i turned off the monitor, leaving the computer running as i quickly ran to my room and got under my sheets. The image kept repeating itself and i was soon joined by new people doing new mutilation to themselves. i ran out of the room and went to sleep in my parents bed. The next day was a happy day.
I've recently seen and read the book and movie "A ClockWork Orange." to those that do not know the story (in brief) it's mainly about a boy going through social reform. He is charged with the murder of another and is sent to a prison. He hears of a quick way out of prison by taking what is called the Ludavicos (sp?) technique. You are strapped to a chair with ur eyelids pried open, watching videos of horrendous graphic images, and when i say horrendous, i mean BRUTAL death caught on tape. He finishes the program and is released into society. He was once a street gang punk, but his psychology has been altered with. He gets sick and disgusted everytime he thinks about doing an evil thing. He has been "programmed" to do only good. yadadada, long story short, ideas of dehumanization and the loss of moral judgement.
Can we possibly be programmed to always feel happy? Sure we take medications, sure we exercize and do yoga, but is there a way to program our minds to always feel positive. And if we ever get depressed, we will get sick and thus, TRY to always be happy. Interesting thought, huh? Anyways, i was somehow going to relate this to LadyLuck, but i've lost the principle. hehee, ok....discuss
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Thank You and Goodnight
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