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| quote: | Originally posted by DaveSZ
All guys have approach anxiety (of beautiful women) because it's wired into the genetic code. If they say they don't they are either lying or understand well the following two concepts (and how to use them):
courage and momentum
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Mental exercises for self control help here. I still feel a small amount of anxiety when I first see an attractive woman, but it quickly goes away. I've come to find that typically they're feeling anxiety of some sort as well, which makes it a bit easier.
But the most important thing I learned from my physics professor is to emotionally detatch yourself from an event or a situation if you want to do well. Of course, he was talking about test taking, saying that given equal amounts of studying, those who came in, remained calm, and were able to detatch themselves from the test on an emotional level tended to do better.
So don't think of it as trying to pick up on someone. You're just talking to someone, who just happens to be physically attractive. If things work out, then great. If things don't work out, then that's cool too, as you weren't there to pick up on that person in the first place - you were just making conversation.
| quote: | Originally posted by Yan
I can't find that inner-asshole that would help me break the friend/date barrier when I meet a new female. |
I've found that you don't really need to be an asshole, you just need to make your intentions known. More generally, it's the self-confidence vs. lack of self-confidence thing. However, you need to make your intentions known early on in the relationship, because the initial attraction decreases proportionally with time, that is, she won't find you as interesting or attractive or whatnot as she first did. It's like getting a new toy. You lavish it with attention at first, and play with it constantly, and eventually start liking it less and less until finally it's just another toy. Nothing special, just another toy.
Of course, I'm not implying that people are to be treated or thought of as toys, I just wanted to demonstrate the initial effect of something new.
As for myself, I wish I were a little less intelligent. I know it sounds egotistical to say the least, but when everyone you talk to (barring your professors...most of the time) tells you that they don't understand what you just said, or that they can't follow what you're saying, or move their hand over their head and say "whooosh," or simply says "I don't know," you tend to feel alienated. Since I currently live in what is known as the bible-belt of California (and going along with the stereotype that religious fundamentalists are lacking higher education), this type of reaction might simply be due to the demographics of the area. If it is, a solution seems obvious.
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someone help me
