might still be me.

http://www.tranceaddict.com/forums/...16#.T28pN8Ugef4

quote:

Originally posted by Lira

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Captain Planet is gey.
Water, Fire, Earth, Wind, Heart???
These forces are supposed to combine to create Captain Planet?
Bullshit.
Those forces combine to create a soaking, boiling mudstorm on Valentine's Day.

quote:

Originally posted by Sushipunk I'm so confused

I got carried away

quote:

Originally posted by Spam

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I once let out a room to a friend of a friend. He fucking stank. He never washed, was thick as fuck and used to eat all my food after he lost his job.

The agreement was that we'd both chip in for everyday essentials, like toilet paper, washing up liquid, furniture polish and so on.

It got to the stage where he was buying nothing, paying me nothing, and eating my stuff. I'd leave a tub of peanut butter, and make a mark in it to see if he'd eaten any, then I'd get home, half would be gone and he'd deny it.

Then the great toilet paper stand-off happened. Basically we ran out, and I wondered what he'd do. I could go at work if I needed to, but what would he do? Well, let me tell you, I wasn't too impressed when I went in there one morning and found a rolled up sock covered in shit in the bin.

End of tenancy.

yeah.... i still probably have the worst room mate story ever.... but ill leave it up to Nrg2Nfinit to tell as he delights in retelling that one.....


lets just put it this way, it involved:
- a dog that i didnt know he had living in his room
- a collection of rubber dicks (some broken in half)
- a tub of margarine with finger marks in it
- the bath tub

and it ended with him going to jail for 7 years.....

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quote:

Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN I have 3 hobbies: gaming, DJing & correcting maladjusted fools on the internet.

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Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN Yeah, I’d like to know what horrible, scarring incident in your childhood turned you into such an ignorant, intellectual-hating philistine?

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Originally posted by colonelcrisp and it ended with him going to jail for 7 years.....

Now this sounds like a story I want to hear.

since Karim is being lazy today, ill to my best to re tell the story accurately.

Back in 2003 i had plans to rent a small house in the glebe (a trendy Ottawa neighborhood) near the university i attended for my undergraduate engineering degree. My buddy bails in august after i had signed the lease so i was pretty much screwed. I resorted to the worst possible idea i have ever had which was advertise fora roomate in the penny saver.... now to put this into perspective, the penny saver is like advertising in the national enquirer.... only loonies and psychos read that shit...

after a few weeks of negative results, dave (the roomate) agrees to the rent and moves in. for the first few weeks, apart from him being kind of shy and a bit odd (and his gf looked like a globular single celled organism... think nou with tits) everything seemed to be going well. As the months progressed i started noticing little things going missing every once in a while, mainly just small knick nacks and the odd plate or utensil. Around thanksgiving (first week of october not in november you bloody yanks) i went home to spend the holiday with my family and i left my buddy danny in charge of taking care of my two chinchillas (piet and jaspa ... yes i named my chinchillas after blank and jones..... blow me)

when i return, i notice danny is a bit aloof but he's a white irish kid from laval, so i just chalk it up to him being a dirty mick. i start noticing scratchin noises at night comming from the heating vent, but i just attribute that to mice in the basement or something (it was a very old and shitty house)

in the comming months i saw less and less of dave, i wouldnt ever see him, and his room was always closed. I also noticed over those months that i would sometimes find dishes in the bathroom and sometimes a margarine container. in my naivitee i thought "hey maybe this kid likes to have buttered toast while having a bath or something"

in early december, my computer goes missing and then i started to put two and two together. the one night my buddy and i knock on daves door to confront him about my missing stuff that im now sure he was stealing (anyone who smoked that much weed and didnt have a job was either selling it or stealing to buy it) and there was no answer so we kicked in the door (he had barricaded it from the inside and apparently was using the 12" x 24" window to enter and exit the apt)

The sight of his room was well indescribable.. the scratching sound i had been hearing for months was a dog he kept in his room..... a dog which im pretty sure never left too often because there was dog shit EVERYWHERE on his bed, under his bed (thats where he would throw most of it when it interfered with his sleeping area), there was also an assortment of things that belonged to me that he had modified in to crude pokey weapon things that he had stabbed into the wall and left them there....

but what about the missing dishes you may ask? well dave apparently had some kind of lost connection to louis pasteur as he had been growing no less than 15 different mould cultures (i expect he was looking for the new penecillin...)

we quickly leave his room (as we didnt yet have the appropriate personal protective devices to remain in the exclusion zone) and headed to the hardware store to buy some locks.

upon returning home i quickly siezed any of his belongings int eh common area (things not tainted by mouldy food and dog shit) and locked them in the basement with two very large padlocks. i also put one on my bedroom door to prevent him from murdering me in my sleep). i posted a very nicely worded eviction letter on his door (he owed me at least two months rent at this point) and finally called the cops. they showed up and i filed a police report for all my missing stuff and the cops predictably did nothing.

after about 3 weeks of no contact i get a call from dave's brother saying that he was comming by in two days to pick up daves stuff. my buddy danny comes over and we decide that we will help dave move out by6 shovelling all his shit onto the front lawn.

Step one: the prep

we donned steel toed rubber boots with tyvex chemical suits (stolen from Ford Motor Company during one of my 5 years working there) with safety goggles, and full coverage respirators with organic chemical filters on them and a heavy duty pair of rubber gloves. (we actually duct taped the ankles and wrists to prevent any possible skin contact with his filth). armed with snow shovels and garbage bags, we breached the abbyss.

The big stuff went first, bed, matress, desk and computer all got thrown out into the snow. well moving his dresser, the drawer bottoms broke and the contents spilled onto the floor. at this point im pretty sure i tested the limits of my ability to hold down my dinner. out onto the filth covered floor fell no less than 8 rubber dicks of various colors, sizes and states of abuse.....

this is when danny comes clean.... when he had come to feed my chinchillas, he walked in to find dave passed out on the couch in his boxers... ok who hasnt passed out around your living room in their boxers when they know no one else is home.... danny then goes into the bathroom to fill the water dish and notices the tub is full of murky water........ with the lights on he notices that there is a giant fucking 10" rubber dick sticking out of the water with a tub of margarine beside it with finger marks in it!

i almost punched danny for not telling me this sooner.......

i return to disposing of this assholes stuff with a fervor... making sure that his rubber dick colleciton got a place of prominence in the piile forming on the front snow bank so his brother would see that his dear dave liked to have greased up pipe cleaners shoved up his bum....

This is where we also noticed the sheer volume of dog shit under the bed..... it got shoveled into bags with his clothes.....


the rest of that part of the story is boring...

fast forward 3 years.... i am working for Ford again and living at my parents place for the summer. there is a knock at the door followed by my mom screaming down the stairs at me "mark, the cops are here, what the fuck did you do this time?" (i had a bad habbit of spending the night in the drunk tank at home because i had a morbid fascination with making fun of police officers when i was drunk.... its a hometown thing... hard to explain). much to my chagrin, it was a subpoena to appear in court in Ottawa to testify against my old roommate who had just gotten nabbed crossing the US border into canada with 10 lbs of weed in a backpack.... on a greyhound no less (idiot).

the Crown attorney paid for a flight from london ontario to ottawa, put me up for two days at the lord elgin hotel (nice swanky hotel across from the provincial court house downtown) and gave me 100$ a day for expenses plus paid me a wage reimbursement for the two days i had to take off work. All to potentially damn the person who stole my shit. Needless to say, when he saw me take the stand, he wasnt happy about it.

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quote:

Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN I have 3 hobbies: gaming, DJing & correcting maladjusted fools on the internet.

quote:

Originally posted by pkcRAISTLIN Yeah, I’d like to know what horrible, scarring incident in your childhood turned you into such an ignorant, intellectual-hating philistine?

Awesome story

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I was really hoping the 7 years in prison would be directly related to living in the house though.

quote:

Originally posted by LAdazeNYnights I was really hoping the 7 years in prison would be directly related to living in the house though.

I also assumed this was the case.

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