Lets just say I went insane, thought my friends who used witchcraft were trying to bind me (a term meaning "to render one harmless via a spell", I thought I saw a friend's husbands death in a vision at my hands, tried to teleport myself to her place but ended up getting escorted by the cops from a ghetto in one town to my house in another, and unintentionally threated the husband of the friend with psionic attack, and got escorted off the premises by more cops. I ended up in a mental hospital for 14 days and almost out of a home. Luckily, my mother had to take me back, but since then, I have a curtain instead of a easily kick-inable door with no lock. Now I am on a two or three semester medical leave from college and I have only one friend...the friend's homosexual
brother who happens to have immense power as a male witch and possibly a psion (psychic witch.) After all was said and done, I lost any power I had by being bound by the deities I worshipped...a thing only they can reverse, and that probably won't be for a long time...not even in this life perhaps...As for the legal trouble, I threw a bar of liquid deodorant at my mother...That's Assault apparently.

My Introduction
Hi, call me Christoph. I'm currently also known by several other names, most not fit to be mentioned here. This post for right now is just filler anyways, so why get into too much detail?

I'll just state that chances are, regardless of who views this blog, this will be about my likes, my interests, and my life as an internet nerd and plural.

Yup, you heard right, Christoph here isn't the only at this computer. You'll get to meet the others soon enough. Note though, I know many tricks in the great book of trolling, so I know what to expect from you newfags and such who think it's cool to be a dick to everyone.

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Moving right along, next subject will most likely be on either A.) Mabinogi, or B.) A rant on why I somehow am now allergic to sunlight (hur hur hur exaggeration), or C.) none of the above and just some random shit, perhaps catgirl pictures...

*drools* catgirls...

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My interests are anime, visual novels, Dwarf Fortress, RPGs, Doujin Soft, Sim games (especially love sims), the supernatural, music, and cooking. As of 2009, I'm learning how to work with Ren'Py, which you will find a post specifically for that, and hope to churn out my first game by the end of the year (but will be okay if it takes longer :3).

Favorite games include Dwarf Fortress, Katawa Shoujo, Gadget Trial, and hopefully someday, Maid: The Roleplaying Game, just to name a few. You can find me on the following forums by the following names.

Lemma Soft Forums as Deinarious
Veritas Society as Cowen.
Bay12 Games as Dei
DoujinStyle as Cowen.

My favorite anime are Bleach, Code Geass R2, Witch Hunter Robin, and the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, just to name a few. Anime I'd like to see are K-On!, Ef - A Tale of Memories, Chobits, and Claymore, again, just to name a few.

Favorite foods are mild Japanese curry, Pocky, and grilled cheese, just to name a few. I also enjoy plain rice, medium rare hamburgers, and berliners (the doughnut, not the people). Finally, some of my favorite musicians are Evanescence, Yousei Teikoku, The Barenaked Ladies, Cradle of Filth, Aya Hirano, and Rammstein, just to name a few. I'll listen to everything but country and gospel.


First off I'm male as you may have guessed by the name. I am also American. And to top that off, I'm a no-longer-practicing Neo-pagan who has ADHD, Tourrettes (Which is more like twitches, grunts and squeaks than "FUCK SHIT BITCH".), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Schizoeffective, and Depression. Note that I didn't say Schizophrenia. The effective part says that It's only partial.

And like many of you, I jerk off. Mainly because I have never dated or had a girl friend or even been laid. My main fetishes are anthropomorphs, uniforms, glasses, vampires, and the paranormal. One thing I'm searching for is Witch Hunter Robin doujinshi...

Other than my perversions, my interests include reading, roleplaying games, animals other than dogs (those ******s scare me...),the occult and paranormal, video games, anime, some American cartoons, like South Park, Family Guy, and apparently Sonic Underground, flash videos (Foamy and that small series called Attack of the Evil TV being favorites), computers, music (favorite bands include the Barenaked Ladies, Metallica and Cradle of Filth.), animation as an art, and hopefully someday soon, getting laid.

Like that will happen while I still live at home with my prudish Christian mother who cannot move her neck and therefore gets Disability, and my dickhead Buddhist brother who doesn't talk to me because I used to call him a demon due to his violent temper. There's also a small cat and a hamster with benign tumors that we cannot afford to remove. And no father thankfully...he was a drunk. A very mean drunk. Hopefully my legal troubles finish smoothly and I get SSI before years end... Then I can move out and go back to college.

Yes, college. I was on my third semester, worse yet, this past Spring. Lets just say I went insane, thought my friends who used witchcraft were trying to bind me (a term meaning "to render one harmless via a spell", I thought I saw a friend's husbands death in a vision at my hands, tried to teleport myself to her place but ended up getting escorted by the cops from a ghetto in one town to my house in another, and unintentionally threated the husband of the friend with psionic attack, and got escorted off the premises by more cops. I ended up in a mental hospital for 14 days and almost out of a home. Luckily, my mother had to take me back, but since then, I have a curtain instead of a easily kick-inable door with no lock. Now I am on a two or three semester medical leave from college and I have only one friend...the friend's homosexual
brother who happens to have immense power as a male witch and possibly a psion (psychic witch.) After all was said and done, I lost any power I had by being bound by the deities I worshipped...a thing only they can reverse, and that probably won't be for a long time...not even in this life perhaps...As for the legal trouble, I threw a bar of liquid deodorant at my mother...That's Assault apparently. No more on that subject. I was blind with rage on New Years Eve... and yes, I have posted this story elsewhere. Why waste time on another?

So anyway I attempted to kill my self a few days ago and it didn’t work out like I had planned.
I managed to organize some barbiturates by going on the google suicide group A.S.H and a friend of mine scored me some heroin. I had measured out the quantities exactly with the help of ASH to put my to sleep using the barbs and then to also stop my breathing/heart with the heroin.
I had to get the drugs ordered to my friends house who wasn’t suspicious due to the fact we all party and do drugs so he figured it was just for a big one. Two days ago I waited for my brother and mum to head off to work. I then went into my room and locked the door. I then layed down, I injected the heroin and I found it really difficult because of all my tattoos.finding a vein was so hard and I also hadn’t done drugs intravenously since I was 19 and my hands were shaking (i mean hey i was literally ending my life). After a few failed attempts I hit a vein and I quikcly took all the barbiturates at once and washed it down with vodka.
I remember laying down and feeling like my head wanted to leave my body… it was such a wonderful feeling i could see this girl that i hadn’t seen in like 2 years her name was ellen browning and she was 16 and at the hospital i was at the time. I was 20 and we became good friends. She made me realize some people have it much worse. I have no idea why she came out in my thoughts but for a second it made me wonder if she too was dead. Before I passed out it felt like I was getting ashma and I started to panic slightly but I literally could not keep my eyes open. The fact I was about to die didnt really come into my head I was having such a big trip and thinking about a thousand other things that the thought I was about to die meant nothing.
Unluckily for me my brother had forgotten something for work and came back home. He tried to get entry into his flat via my room as its the old converted garrage and realized it was locked. He instantly knew something was wrong and went aroun the other way and found me unconscious in bed. I remember waking up for a sec in the ambulance thinking I was dead and then waking up in the hospital I was literally in the worst pain of my life. Coming back from a drug overdose was the most horrific thing ive ever been through. I was vommiting so hard it felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. Im sitting in a hospital waiting to get discharged now typing this on my phone. I’d give a fuck about spelling and punctuation if I really cared.
its funny i used to mock people who “failed” suicide e.g “taking 30 panadol” but I almost feel like I’ve joined those try harders. I have one failed suicide attempt a massive headache and I feel like utter shit. I’m also no longer trusted by anyone so my next attempt is going to be 100x harder to organize. I’ve been thinking about going the “suicide bag” method with helium but I have no idea how to sneak it in the mail without my friends/parents noticing. I’ve also shocked and upset all of my family which I never wanted to see. I was totally aware people would be upset but I just feel so utterly out of this place. Im alone and I don’t think ill ever feel any different. I guess its kind of funny ive made this blog just to jot my thoughts down because my psych thought it would help and really it has. its like me concetrate and be determined to end my shitty life. I am a loser with “first” world problems and dont deserve to be clogging up the australian health care system.
i dont really get this whole liking or following and as to why anyone would want to follow me but ok then? i guess i shouldnt tag these ??
im such a loser a i cant even kill myself… but then again i should challenge such negative thoughts… lol what a joke