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"It's been a tsunami of media and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard," is just one of the pearlers Charlie has dropped lately: Here's some other gnarly Charlie corkers:
"News-flash. I am special and I will never be one of you. The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning. My success rate is 100%!"
"I won't take [pain pills], so I maybe hit the vodka a little too hard to reduce the pain."
"That was an old brain, I have a new brain. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself."
"I'm so tired of pretending like my life isn't just perfect and just winning every second, and I'm not just perfect and bitching and just delivering the goods at every frickin' turn. Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee."
"I am on a drug. It's called CHARLIE SHEEN! Um, it's not available, because if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. Um. Too much."
"There was an incident years ago where everyone thought I hit her. I was trying to contain her. I had her arms and we both went down to the ground. Her initials are B.A., I'll give you that much. I don't want to make the whole thing about her. I felt terrible and delivered her to a plastic surgeon and everybody said I hit her and no.... I feel bad about that one. She was attacking me, though, with, like a, a small fork. Like a cocktail fork. And she had it with her, that was the weird part. What was she doing with, like, a shrimp fork in her purse? She stole it, clearly. From a buffet.”
“I put a billion dollars in the studio’s pockets and I put half a billion dollars in Chuck’s pocket. I should of been walking in to sandwiches, massages and hand jobs. Yeah, I said it!”
"The reason it went bad is because I don't do pills. I don't take opiates, I don't do benzos or any of that psychotropic nonsense. I used to [take cocaine]. I've gotta be careful because that's like lawsuits and things that went on. Well, yeah. I'm not taking it. I had to pay for it. Well, um, I hadn't done any for a while, like 7 hours, but I had this hernia thing that was popping out."
"And then it was like, 'You must let me impose my will on your face.' And it was like, woah dude."
"I was joking about being underpaid but to come back for a 10th season... Eh, that's all negotiable. You can't talk about this stuff on television. I don't know. I was on crack. Where's Dr. Drew when you need him?"
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