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| quote: | Originally posted by VAR
ok, ya trolled me quite well while i was auto-pilot drunk.
i will always have the "fever", it just doesn't go well with society.
most of the time i am the most peace-loving, chill, boy scout guy,
but when drunk and pushed, i get testy-
how many of you have killed another human being?
how about 100+?
have you ever had your hands stained for three days from the blood of a best-Friend who's life you tried to save?
i'm just going to stop here,
thanx for enduring me, i know that it is not easy at times,
i mean well. |
This is where I been wanting to elaborate. For someone who had to kill people because it was your job and I know you didn't want to kill those people and have to hold dead bodies of people that became your friend during the job you were doing but that is what created this PTSD you have but combined with isolation PTSD can turn into at least a mild form of a diagnosis very similar to Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective. And I have a feeling you are isolated most of the time. Remember I have been severely mentally ill for a very long time and have been around other mentally ill people and PhDs and I have had my share of thoughts of doing things as well but I never verbalized them or even wrote them down, I just keept them in my head. What I am afraid of about verbalizing such things is it could lead the brain to learn to rationalize these thoughts as being ok and norm. The more you verbalize it in person, in writings and especially on Forums the more time your brain is spending time rationalizing them.
But I have more faith in you that you will never do these things but I feel you need to be made more aware of them than just a few sentences here and there from members on this Forum, you need to understand the gravity of what you sat especially to the females. I know you are really a good person deep down.
I have a saying that mentally ill people become what they hate/dislike. In other words for someone who became so affected having to kill hundreds of people(not by your choice, I know that)and then having people close to you die in your arms will cause most people with a heart to develop problems but the thing is you are becoming what you hate because as much as you hated killing those hundreds of people every time you get mad at the littlest of things you then bring up how you killed hundreds of people and use it as a weapon against other people and threaten them with the fact that since you have killed hundreds of people, killing a TA member would be no big deal to you also know how to do it. That is basically what you are saying during these drunk/angry moments.
Please stop drinking and get some Xanax, Volume, or Soma to keep yourself more chilled. Alcohol definitely makes you angry. Just my 77 cents. You will be Ok... trust me.
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But the subsequent collision of fools...
Well versed in the subtle art of slavery.
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