Doctor says: "Homer, there seems to be a crayon lodged in your brain."
Homer: "theres a crayon in my brain?" he says while pointing at his chest. the doctor moves his finger to his head.
Doctor: "this maybe the cause of your... subnormal intelligence."
Homer: "hey, i came here to be drugged, electricuted and probed, not insulted! But i dont understand. Ive had hundreds of head XRAYs. why havent i heard about this until now?"
Doctor Hibbert walks in and says, "Oh i can explain that. See everytime i hold an XRAY i hold it like this. My thumb must have covered the crayon everytime" He laughs and then says,"I'll show myself out."
Doctor: "we could remove the crayon for you. It could drastically increase your brain power; or it could possibly kill you.
Homer: "increase my killing power, eh? Lets do it!"


i know thats not exact but its as good as i could remember. I always crack up at that one. no matter how often i see it.

Mr Burns and his son at an upper-class social gathering:

One of the older female guests, to Monty and son:

quote:

Have you met my daughter, she came out last year??

**camera views a hideous-looking woman**

Monty Burns' son:

quote:

Whoa, put her back in, she's not done yet!!

___________________

Homer sitting in front of a conveyer belt with lots of food on it.
Scientist: Homer you really don't want the food in front of you?
Homer: FOOD? AAAAHHH I'm Blind!!!

Ralph to Lisa: Soooo, do you like stuff?
Ralph: I'm a boy
Ralph:My cat's breath smells like catfood.

Homer at Frank Grimes funeral: Change the channel Marge (while half asleep).

Homer: Oh God why do you mock me?
Marge: Homer that's not God that's a waffle that's been stuck to the ceiling. (Scrapes it off and it falls into Homer's hands.)
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee.(Bites into it)Mmmmm, Sacrilicious.

Wiggum at Krusty's plane crash: Alright move it along nothing to see here... Oh wait there's a plane crash, gather round don't be shy.

Willie: ahhh don't feel bad, I've been wrestling wolves since you were at your mother's teeet.


Detective trying to impose prohibition: As for the Beer Baron, I believe he was just a figment of our imagination, to think that someone could actually be smuggling beer right under my nose is laughable... ggghhh chhh sss... WELL YOU ALL KNOW WHAT LAUGHTER SOUNDS LIKE!

Burns:Smithers why are my teeth showing?
Smithers:Because you're smiling sir.
Burns: Excellent.

Rod to Flanders: Daddy I'm jealous of girls because they get to wear dresses.
Flanders: One problem at a time son.

Homer:This one's got purple in it.. Purple's a fruit.

___________________
You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh. - Tyler Durden

"my eyes, the goggles do nothing!"

"My son is also named Bort"

___________________
You have a kind of sick desperation in your laugh. - Tyler Durden

Homer's quotes are the best!

Homer: "Ha ha! Look at this country! ? R U Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe)

quote:

Originally posted by Reactic Homer's quotes are the best! Homer: "Ha ha! Look at this country! ? R U Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe)

U R Gay.

2 quite alike qoutes from the same episode:

Lisa: Or, we could hand out teachers' home phonenumbers, so kids can call them whenever they have questions.
Supernintendo () Chalmers: I've got a question. You're crazy!

Chief Wiggum: Well I can't take that rattlesnake out of his mailbox now, now can I?
Eddy/Lou: Yes chief, you could.
Chief Wiggum: Well let me ask you this. Shut up!

___________________
▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲

quote:

Originally posted by Mr.Mystery Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true I mean... false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies... and in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer... is no.

I remember that one well.

___________________

"I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

quote:

Originally posted by Fundamental I remember that one well.

quote:

I dont think he's coming back...

___________________

Lou: "There's an explosion at the ole Simpson Place."
Wiggum: "Forget it, that's two blocks away."
Lou: "Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney."
Wiggum: "I am proceeding on foot, call in a code 8."
Lou: "We need pretzels, I repeat pretzels."

quote:

Originally posted by madhattared Moe hooked up to the lie detector test, this one is great lol Eddie: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns? Moe: No! *buzz* Alright, maybe I did, but I didn't shoot him. *ding* Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go. Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. *buzz* A date. *buzz* Dinner with a friend. *buzz* Dinner alone. *buzz* Watching TV alone. *buzz* Alright! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. *buzz* Sears catalog. *ding* Now would you unhook this already, please! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! *buzz*

HAHAHAHA Id forgotten about this one, but I agree! It is one of the best ever!