OUR BRAVE NEW WORLD

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to
board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set
square, and a calculator. Attorney General John Ashcroft believes
the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being
charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. Al-gebra is a
very fearsome cult, indeed. They desire average solutions by means
and extremes and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of
absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names
like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as
"unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3
sides to every angle, and if God had wanted us to have better
weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and
toes. Therefore, I'm extremely grateful that our government has
given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these
math-dogs who are so willing to disintegrate us with calculus
disregard. These statistic bastards love to inflict plane on every
sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, it's time
we differentiated their root, made our point, and drew the line.
These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal
everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we
become exponents of a higher power and begin to factor-in random
facts of vertex. As our Great Leader would say, "Read my
ellipse." Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: Though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered, and the hypotenuse
will tighten around their necks.